A bare stage in order to introduce the characters. JEFF, a member of the CHS ACTORS steps onto stage.

Jeff: In 1902, Father built a house at the crest of the Broadview Avenue Hill, in New Rochelle, New York. And it seemed, for some years thereafter, that all the family's days would be warm and fair…

Other ACTORS enter. KRIS steps forward.

Kris: (To JEFF) What are you talking about? (To audience) Kris was well off, very well off. His considerable income was derived from the manufacture of illegal drumsticks and the profits he gained from Six Flags Over Burfland. Kris was also one of the regular actors at Chatham High School, having performed in many shows in and out of the school system.

TRICIA steps forward.

Tricia: The auditorium in the high school on Lafayette Avenue was Tricia's domain. She took pleasure in the fact that she received good parts wherever she auditioned, even if they always did have something to do with sex.

KEVIN steps forward.

Kevin: Kevin had known, Katy, Kris' older sister, when she was in high school. In knowing the family so well, Kevin prided himself in being the person to draw Kris and the other young actors closer into the "acting family". He was also chasing after many of his fellow actresses, especially Meg, the annoyingly pretty actress who you could never hate because she was always so damn nice.

JULIA steps forward.

Julia: It was a wonderful time to be an actor at CHS, and Julia knew this. However she always managed to have a negative comment about something.

Tricia: All the actors were having fun in their close knit clique. There was nothing wrong with our social group, since we didn't associate with the pit members.

ACTORS leave. PIT enters. COOPER steps forward.

Cooper: In the pit, musicians did not worry over the fact that they were severely isolated from the rest of the theatre department. They had their own inside jokes and their own social structure. Cooper was the most heavily involved with the pit and made sure that everything went smoothly while Mr. Conti, the pit director, was away.

ELLEN steps forward.

Ellen: One pit player saw Cooper as the pit's student leader, her name was Ellen.

TONY steps forward.

Tony: Tony was probably the most talented musician in the pit. He was also the most noted for trying to bring about peace between the different aspects of the theatre; seeing as the people he mostly hung out with during the "off-season" were primarily actors.

KEVIN reenters. PIT leaves.

Kevin: Ah, life was good for the actors because we didn't hang around with the pit or the crew. CREW MEMBERS enter. KEVIN leaves. KATHERINE and SARA step forward.

Katherine: From backstage, Katherine and Sara tried to make the crew what it used to be in its hey day. Both remembered from their underclassman years how much fun stage crewing was and how it has wasted away into nothing. They were both envious of the closeness of the actors because it reminded them of the stage crew's marvelous past, now gone. They weren't sure what was to be done, but they knew, backstage, they were no longer having fun.

ERICA steps forward.

Erica: Erica knew that there was one way to escape the horrors and boredom of stage crew: one must stage manage or become the assistant director in order to become as far away from the "techies" as possible. Sadly, Erica knew that there was only so many of these positions that could be filled, and too many people applying for escape. She watched as her fellow crew members hopes turned to despair.

ALL return onto stage. KRIS, COOPER, and KATHERINE step forward.

Kris: Even though each of the groups was disgusted with…

Cooper: Or isolated from…

Katherine: Or envious of the other two…

Kris: Everyone realized, inside, that we were all needed…

Cooper: All in different ways…

Katherine: To make the show go on.

Act One/Scene Two

The Monday after auditions next to the Theatre Arts Call Board in the music wing of CHS. ACTORS and CREW crowd around the board, the ACTORS initialing next to their part, the CREW signing up for positions.

Kris: Congratulations on your part, Tricia! But why didn't you initial the sheet?

Tricia: Because, for the first time at CHS, I didn't get a part that involves having sex in some sort of way! I don't understand it! It's not fair! Especially since this time, Jeff is playing the male character that is getting the action with the role I wanted!!! He is so mine it's not even funny!

Kris: Well, who got the role you wanted?

A scream of delight is heard coming from the group by the call board. We see that ANNA has just received a part she wanted and quickly initials the sheet.

Tricia: She did.

Kris: Ooh. That's tough. And she's been chasing after Jeff since eighth grade, long before you ever knew him.

Tricia: I know. So, in an effort to add more flavor to my résumé, I'm going to audition elsewhere and not be in this year's high school production.

Kris: Well, I guess that sounds like a good plan. You will be missed, however. Kevin will have no one to bother while you're away.

Tricia: Here (hands KRIS a list). This is a list of everything I want you to take care of while I'm away.

Kris: No problemo. But, Tricia, over half of these involve Jeff.

Tricia: Of course! I wouldn't want anything to happen to him while I'm away. Now I am off to bigger and better things!

TRICIA exits. KATHERINE and SARA enter.

Sara: Where is Tricia going?

Katherine: She's leaving. Can you believe it? Who would leave a magnificent organization like this? Perhaps she is off to find herself.

THEY approach the sign-up sheet for crew. KATHERINE steals a pen from someone.

Katherine: There! I got the last position for stage manager! I'm happy, now come on! Sign up for something so I can go get a slurpee from 7-Eleven.

Sara: (Looking at the sheet) Dammit! The only position left is props!!! Not again! Oh! Why is my life so terribly ironic???

SARA hits her head against the wall as KATHERINE writes SARA's name down and drags her out.

Act One/Scene Three

In the house of the CHS Auditorium. KRIS walking and reading the list TRICIA gave him. JEFF is following reading over the script to the play they will be doing.

Kris: Hmmm…Tricia is really paranoid about losing Jeff. (KRIS trips over a box on the floor) Hey! What's the big idea? I could have sprained an ankle or something! What's this? (KRIS opens the box to reveal a clarinet) A clarinet? And there's no name on it! What am I supposed to do now??? I know! I'll check the list! Perhaps it can help me. (Reads the list) "Save Jeff from Hilary…", "Save Jeff from Julia…", "Save Jeff from Anna…", "Save Jeff from Sara…", "Save Jeff from Kevin"? Oh dear! Nope, there is nothing on this list about lost clarinets. It isn't a very helpful list.

Jeff: (finally realizing that KRIS is sprawled out on the floor) What's wrong?

Kris: I tripped over this lost clarinet.

Jeff: What are you going to do?

Kris: I'm not sure. Oh why isn't Tricia here to help? She's always the voice of reason!

Jeff: Look, here comes someone.

Kris: She looks vaguely familiar but I can't quite put my finger on it.

Jeff: She looks very upset.

ELLEN enters.

Ellen: (very distraught and upset) Have you seen a lost clarinet?

Kris: Why yes. Yes we have.

Ellen: Oh thank God! I would have been so dead if I couldn't find it!

Jeff: Why do you need it?

Ellen: I'm in the pit.

Jeff: Oh, you're one of those people.

Kris: I remember now! Aren't you in the marching band?

Ellen: Uh-huh.

Kris: Of course! You're Eleanor! Or is it Eileen?

Ellen: Ellen.

Kris: That's right. Well here's your clarinet.

Ellen: (takes the clarinet) Thanks! Thanks again!

SHE exits.

Jeff: You talked to a pit member.

Kris: Good God! What kind of actor would do that? What kind of actor does that make me?

Act One/Scene Four

Weeks later. The CREW is invited to watch the ACTORS perform at one rehearsal. KATHERINE and SARA enter.

Katherine: Look Sara, after weeks of tech rehearsals you finally get to see some acting! Luckily for me, I've gotten to hang around here during dance rehearsals. I've received some salvation. It is so depressing to see the actors so happy when they're not acting. It only reminds me of the time when…oh never mind. We've entered a new era of stage crew, Sara. We must forget the past and journey on. Here, let me introduce you to some really nice actors.

KATHERINE drags SARA onstage.

Katherine: (crosses to JULIA and motions SARA over) Julia, this is Sara.

Julia: Oh…uh…(notices the other ACTORS are watching her)…hi.

JULIA quickly crosses to the other ACTORS.

Katherine: Huh. Odd. Here, follow me.

THEY move toward KEVIN.

Kevin: (to another ACTOR) Oh God. Here come those "techies". I hope they don't come talk to us.

KATHERINE and SARA stop dead in their tracks

Katherine: This isn't how it's supposed to be! Actors and crew should get along. (Angrily) Well I guess I was wrong! If this isn't where we will find a suitable place to talk and socialize with other groups, we will find it!

KATHERINE drags SARA off.

Act One/Scene Four

The band room. All PIT are present, putting together their instruments and warming/tuning up, except for ELLEN and COOPER.

Carl: (to RUSTY) It's unusually quiet. Where's Cooper?

Rusty: Why are you asking me? I don't know!

Jeff K: Cooper went to go look for Ellen, she hasn't been to the last few rehearsals.

Carl: Why hasn't she been here?

Jeff K: No one knows.

Yahn: Does anyone know where she's gone?

Jeff K: Nope.

COOPER enters.

Cooper: I found out where she is!

Jeff K: Really! Where?

Cooper: Well, I found her clarinet by a blue backpack. I know Ellen doesn't have a blue backpack so I did a little stealth work…

Tony: Oh no, I see where this is going…

Cooper: In the backpack I found a pair of drumsticks. Illegal drumsticks I might add.

Carl: Huh.

Cooper: So I snuck into the back of the actors' rehearsal and I saw Ellen talking with some actors!

Jeff K: Ugh!

Yahn: That's terrible!

Rusty: What are you planning on doing?

Cooper: I guess I'll have to go in there and get her!

Mike: (half listening to the conversation) I bet I know what's happened to her!

Carl: What?

Mike: She's gotten into the thinking that acting is better than pit!

All: Ha! Whatever!

Tony: Come on, guys. There are some nice people that act and do crew.

Jeff K: (sarcastically) Sure, Tony. Okay. Still, Coop, you should really go get her and convince her that pit is better than anything else in the theatre department!

Cooper: Will do! It'll be my secret mission! I feel just like Shaft!

Ahmed: Hey!

Cooper: Wish me luck guys!

COOPER exits rather quickly while the rest of the PIT hums the "Mission: Impossible" theme.

Act One/Scene Five

In the wings, backstage, stage right. SARA is organizing things on the prop table while KATHERINE talks to her. KRIS and JEFF enter in order to retrieve a rehearsal prop. It is an awkward situation because neither group wants to continue their conversation while the other group is there. JEFF points to a prop on the table and SARA, silently, hands it to him.

Katherine: (quietly to SARA) That was rude! He didn't even ask you for the prop. Well, we should be the bigger people in the situation and say something. (to JEFF) There's your prop. Happy acting!

Kris: (seeing the tension gradually increase, nudges JEFF) Say 'thanks', or something.

Jeff: Oh, thanks.

Kris: (to the GIRLS) I'm sorry, he hasn't quite been the same after his honey left.

Katherine: His honey? Which one of the many girls that fights over him is that?

Kris: Why, Tricia, of course.

Katherine: Of course.

NOTE: So that I don't have to continually write who's talking to who in this section, Kris will only be talking to Katherine, Katherine will only be talking to Kris, Jeff will only be talking to Sara, and Sara will only be talking to Jeff.

Jeff: Why are you a "techie"?

Sara: She (indicates KATHERINE) told me never to talk to someone who addresses me by a derogatory term like that.

Kris: You look familiar too. Were you in the marching band as well?

Jeff: I'm sorry, why do you do stage crew?

Katherine: Yes I am.

Sara: Because I cannot act, sing, or dance. I've got no business being on stage but I love theatre. So, the closest I can get is being back here.

Kris: Did you play an instrument or did you do color guard?

Jeff: Interesting. Is it fun?

Katherine: I played clarinet.

Sara: What? Crewing? Yes, most of the time.

Kris: I feel bad that I've forgotten everyone who was in the marching band. It's because I'm so involved in the fall drama at the time that I don't take the time out to actually learn the marching band people's names.

Jeff: I'd like to do it sometime. Lights, I mean.

Katherine: I see. You played snare drum, correct?

Sara: (a bit surprised) Then why don't you?

Kris: Correct. And that was another problem. Being in the drum line, I had little time to spend with the other band members. I was always tied up with the percussion.

Jeff: I heard somewhere that if you do too much crew, not only will the hard core actors shun you, you won't be cast for good parts anymore because the director will know you can do crew instead.

Katherine: Ah, I see.

Sara: That stinks. Well, you should do crew anyways. At least for one show. To see what it's like.

Kris: Mr. Bart's ready. Come on, Jeff, let's go act!

Jeff: Maybe I will, maybe I will.

The BOYS exit.

Katherine: Well that was odd.

SARA returns to her props.

Act One/Scene Six

ELLEN is backstage, stage left, with clarinet in hand.

Ellen: (to herself) I feel bad that I haven't been going to rehearsals but they are so boring! All Mr. Conti does is yell at us for not knowing our parts well enough. And what stinks is that I only play in five songs in the show! In one song I don't even play clarinet; I shake that shaker thing. I know I shouldn't be here but it's more interesting than pit rehearsal…(thinks for a moment)…sometimes. (Sighs) I need to go to the bathroom.

ELLEN sets her clarinet down and exits to "do her business".

JEFF and KRIS enter from the stage. JEFF picks up his script.

Jeff: Why don't I know my lines?

Kris: Well, if your lines are "Line…" and "I'm sorry, what's my line?", I'd say you're doing a pretty good job.

Jeff: Very funny.

Kris: Ellen left her clarinet here again. It's going to break if she leaves it out of the case like that.

Jeff: Why does she always hang around here? Doesn't she have a rehearsal to go to or something?

KRIS shrugs. JEFF returns to his script. COOPER enters and stands among them for a few seconds.

Kris: Yes? Can I help you?

Cooper: Um, yes. I'm looking for a wandering pit member that goes by the name of "Ellen". She has been seen hanging around acting rehearsals, do you know where she is? It's important, I need to speak with her.

Kris: Uh…okay. I'll go look for her. She might be in the house. Wait here, please.

KRIS exits.

Jeff: This is Ellen's clarinet, you want a cookie?

Cooper: What?

Jeff: Never mind.

COOPER picks up the clarinet. KRIS returns.

Kris: I'm sorry, I can't find her anywhere. (KRIS grabs the clarinet away from COOPER and sets it back where he found it.)

Cooper: Oh. Well if you see her, tell her that Cooper will be coming back soon to look for her.

HE exits.

Act One/Scene Seven

Days later. The ACTORS are all collecting in the house, chatting. COOPER enters.

Julia: Oh God. Him again? Why is he back?

COOPER crosses to KRIS.

Cooper: Have you told her?

Kris: Yes, I have. Numerous times. There's nothing I can do, she won't listen.

Cooper: Is she here right now?

Kris: Yes, she's sitting backstage.

Cooper: Hmmm…maybe this will help.

COOPER breaks out his violin and plays "Turkey in the Straw". ELLEN slowly emerges from backstage, smiling. Obviously this song has some meaning between the two PIT players and COOPER, still playing the song, leads ELLEN out.

Act One/Scene Eight

In the auditorium lobby, seconds following the previous scene. COOPER and ELLEN enter.

Cooper: Ellen, talk to me. Why haven't you been coming to pit rehearsals?

Ellen: Because they are so incredibly boring, Cooper! And Conti's such a nag! He won't quit complaining!

Cooper: So this is reason enough to quit? Ellen, playing in the pit is just like playing in a team sport, just like football. Everyone has their part in the game! Whether it be Chris Caputo, who is needed to score all of the touchdowns, or Charlie Hamilton who is needed to be there so we can sing the "Chucko Cabana", or Matt Colleran who is needed just to be taunted by the marching band! Everyone has a part, just like in pit. Sure, you may not be playing in every song but we need you nonetheless. We need you there to make jokes along with the rest of us. You are one of us, Ellen. You belong in the pit, not backstage. Come home. Please?

Ellen: Well, I suppose you are right. Let me go get my clarinet.

Cooper: Here, I'll walk with you.

THEY exit.

Act One/Scene Nine

Back in the house of the auditorium. The ACTORS are still present.

Julia: Not again! Why are they back?

COOPER and ELLEN walk through the house and disappear backstage to retrieve the clarinet. Moments later THEY reappear and are walking back through the house.

VIC blocks their paths.

Vic: Going somewhere?

Cooper: Yes, we are going back to pit rehearsal now.

Vic: No, first you have to pay the toll.

Cooper: Come on, let us through.

Other ACTORS back up VIC.

Vic: Pay first.

Cooper: No!

COOPER tries to clear a path using his violin. VIC kicks the violin out of COOPER's hands and it goes flying and crashes down a few yards away from them. It breaks. The ACTORS stand there, laughing.

Mr. Bart: Let's go guys, break's over. Let's go, go, go!

ACTORS exit.

COOPER kneels next to the broken violin looking very appalled. ELLEN stands next to him.

Act One/Scene Ten

The next day, COOPER is in MR. CONTI's music office.

Cooper: But isn't there anything you can do?

Conti: Other than send the violin out to be fixed? No.

Cooper: You can't punish them or anything?

Conti: No, I can't. They aren't my students. You would have to talk to Mr. Bart in order to get something like that accomplished.

Cooper: (sighs) Okay. Thank you Mr. Conti. Good-bye.

COOPER exits.

Act One/Scene Eleven

Outside of MR. BART's office, in the CHS auditorium. KRIS, ELLEN, JEFF, and KEVIN are collected outside of the office as they wait for COOPER in the office.

Kris: So what did Mr. Conti say to Cooper?

Ellen: That the only thing he could do is to send out the violin to be fixed. He has no authority over the destructive actors.

Kevin: That's awful! Sometimes I'm ashamed that my fellow actors can go so far as to harm other people! What jerks!

Kris: The terrible thing now is that Cooper's, and probably a good portion of the pit's, vision of actors is tainted. They most likely believe that we are all that terrible.

COOPER enters from the office.

Ellen: Well? What did he say?

Cooper: That he can't do anything other than give them a firm talking to!!!

Kevin: What about justice!

Kris: He's not going to make them pay for the violin?

Cooper: No!

Kevin: This is outrageous! Something must be done!

TRICIA enters.

Kris: Tricia!

Tricia: Hi guys! I heard a lot of yelling from outside, what's going on?

Kevin: Vic and some other guys destroyed Cooper's violin because he wouldn't pay their "toll" to cross the house. And apparently nothing can be done to punish them.

Tricia: That's awful. Hmm…since I am the president of National Honors Society, let me talk to the principal to see what can be done.

Kevin: Talk! That's all it will be! Talk, talk, talk!

Cooper: Well, I can tell you one thing. I am no longer playing in the pit until my violin is restored to me in its original condition!

COOPER exits dramatically.

Tricia: Man, he's really upset.

Kris: That's very unfair.

Jeff: I guess there's nothing we can do.

TRICIA takes JEFF's arm.

Tricia: I suppose you are right, Jeff. You are always right.

Kris: Well, nothing else can be accomplished here. Oh well.

KRIS, TRICIA, JEFF, and KEVIN exit.

Ellen: I know what can be done.

ELLEN exits.

Act One/Scene Twelve

In the auditorium. VIC and the other ACTORS are gathered on the edge of the stage. ELLEN enters and crosses over to the group.

Vic: What do you want, band nerd?

Ellen: You broke something that wasn't yours.

Vic: I'm sure it didn't cost much anyway.

Ellen: You're not even going to make any attempt to repay the damage?

Vic: Hell no!

Ellen: Why?

Vic: Why should we?

Ellen: Fine! I can see I'm not accomplishing anything here.

ELLEN turns around to leave.

Vic: See why we're not in the pit now, guys? We would have to be pushover prudes in order to join their society. Even Cooper is a bit on the fruity side.

Now ELLEN is mad. SHE turns back around and lunges toward VIC, ready to slap HIM. Right when she is about to hit VIC, ELLEN loses her footing on the edge of the stage and falls into the pit. Seeing that she's hurt, the ACTORS quickly exit. COOPER enters just in time to see the ACTORS making a quick escape. HE runs over to ELLEN to see if she's hurt.

Cooper: No! This is the last time an actor will ever hurt a pit member or anyone else!

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