Welcome to Staines182. This web-site is an unfinished symphony, a work in progress, a collaboration between Staines' vision and the Awesome Fennis' technical skills. Over the months and years it will be interesting to witness the cyberkinetic evolution of a site set to take over the internet. Because even as you are reading this, this site is building up to its full potential as a powerful revolutionary tool.
Society is a pressure cooker of hatred, technology is a thought oppressor, money is the root of all evil, and the day-to-day reality we have created for ourselves is starting to suck some serious dog's penis. There is no person in charge merely a system that has evolved. The system is more powerful than any person: people sacrifice their lives to protect it, kill others to safeguard it, and spend every day of their pointless lives building it stronger by the day. The stockmarkets are its lungs, the military its arms, and the parliments of the world its brains. My friends a time will come when the people of the world will rise up and cry in unison "Fuck the System!". In this illusion, this dream, that we call life, a system will only hinder our development, stunt our progress. The time has come, the time is now.
But until people's pipe dreams transplant reality let's take a long hard look at staines and his life, i.e. the phenomenon that is Staines182. And let us join in laughter at the ridiculous and sublime. For nothing is too important to laugh at.




staines is also known by some other aliases
  • The Sheriff
  • San Antonio
  • The Instigator
  • Greasy Tony (R.I.P)
  • Anton(mainly) - although he doesn't like to think of it that way!

STAINES (As seen by himself)
If you ignore Staines' actions he is one of the finest human beings ever to walk this beautiful planet of ours..........and if you don't, well here is THE truth:

STAINES (As seen by his housemates)
There is not much to say about staines which you can't already tell just by looking and seeing how he acts. Girls like staines as he has a certain "je ne sais quoi" whereas infact he is just strange. His previous girlfriends might also give you an insight as to his successes and failures in life. if you want to know why he really is called staines then e-mail his real parents at vietnamese_war_child@adoptkids.com Also Staines really isn't that big. Although he did coin the phrase "Q is a dick". Staines likes to believe that he is an acid fiend, however, he is not. Staines is working for BA next year, a fact that he is very proud of, and so he should be: just look at how much nachass Jackie recieved. Staines believes, and is eternaly proud of the fact that he is a key member of a subversive, underground postering faction, known as the HOD. DOA more like it. The truth, however, is that he was only taken in to fill the token jewish-vietnamise-war orphan role. He also thinks he is capable of changing the world in some way, but as Fennis has pointed out, small minds are easily distracted. At the end of the day, Staines admitedly realises that his house mates and bigger and better blokes than he is, if a bit more bent in some cases.

THE AWESOME FENNIS
The awesome fennis is a slightly unsavoury character who prefers WWF (and other branches of wrestling) to drugs!!!!!!! He also likes a band called Ben Folds Five - they have split up now to pursue careers in gay porn Fennis hopes to join them someday. I've never seen him go to the toilet, and so am slightly skeptikal about his genitalia. Fennis thinks he is a character in Friends (Ross) and can therefore have 'platonic' relationships with anyone, even the girl next door. The only women Fennis feels safe trying it on with are those already in a relationship with one of his friends Fennis thinks that the harassment of little girls somehow becomes acceptable if done over the internet. In Cyberspace Fennis is king. Offline, Fennis misses Online. By doing both philosophy and computing he has insured minimal understanding of both. Treats girls as objects. But would rather wrestle them than sleep with them. Staines caught Fennis dressed up all in tin foil like Captain Bacofoil once........he had no undies on. Staines not Fennis. Of late Fennis has become obsessed with chatrooms. His "cunning" ploy of pretending to be a single female has succeeded and resulted in a myriad of lonely males hassling him night and day.

LORENZO
Lolly, Larry, Lawrence of Pornographia, Lauwent, what ever you call him he is Belgian He has a bwitish standard wover and parks expertly (like a blind girl) Like most autistic people he is very nice. Enjoys car washes as the other person can't get out and no-one can see in. Makes a concerted effort to appear normal until the merest sniff of alcohol arises. Then goes on week long rampage: trashing property; attacking pedestrians and scaring 1st year Henry Price girls. Promises he will never drink again, whiskey in hand. He doesn't mix his drinks, he just has "one after the other". Like most foreign people Laurence supports Man. Utd. Lorenzo will be leaving the country at the end of this year to become a lawyer in a country where there are no extradition treaties, and they are unacquainted with the sex offenders list. Lorenzo loves the quiet, peaceful setting of the library....... it gives him the space and concentration he needs to "sacrifier le poulet".

CHARLIE BOY "RETURN OF THE" MACK
Charlie boy is a steroid pumping body builder. He likes Israeli BA girls, unaware of their notorious frigidity. He has limited teeth on his bottom jaw (still) - due to years in prison, which he greatly enjoyed. His two month abstinance has produced a love of all things Busty and is most likely the result of a prostate problem. His taste in art is defined by watching Family Affairs on Channel 5. Charles' sister came for supper one night. She likes Neighbours. His father particularly enjoyed the prison scenes in American History X. His mother never cleans our house. But we are very grateful for the stolen pharmaceutical goodies. Staines was allergic to Charlie's cat. The cat is now dead. Staines once put white pepper in Charlie's body building powder. Staines had to pay $47 (£35) compensation. Charlie also told his parents. Nice. Charlie has three possibilities of getting women:
1. Joining the Davidic sect in Waco, Texas and getting some free love off Mistress Astral Light.
2. A bizarre Dutch bird he met on the internet(click her for photo)who has a face so minging that if she were my dog I would shave her arse and teach her to walk backwards.
3. LAST but not least, using a date rape drug on anyone unsuspecting and innocent enough to go for a drink with him.

CALEV "THE" BENDER
Calev The loves girls, talking, singing, being nice, being sensitive, having a beard after he has shaved his head, being incompetent in the kitchen and bed. He is engaged to Sophie Olsborough. But is looking for a strong man to comfort him. And do his washing up for him. Anyone called Bruce should apply - Calevlovesmen@yahoomen!.com His hard(on) J-soc job appears to be only a front for seducing lost first years. With whom he is as tactile as a pimp. He is similarly touchy-feely with his male friends. When people say 'Calev likes AC/DC' they don't mean the band. He likes Coldplay. Coldplay are rubbish. Calev's culinary skills have recently improved - he can now make toast. Calev is in touch with his inner female side, but is still pre-op. Calev's taste in women mirrors Lorenzo's driving skills - barely legal.

Q
The diminutive (paranoid) Irishman in the Atttic. They sleep with each other. Q is a "photographer". They sleep with each other. He has connections in high places but none of them like him. They sleep with each other. Especially the head of sony uk (who is a pie guzzling dick).They sleep with each other. Has peculiar luck with women. They sleep with each other. I mean, has luck with peculiar women. They sleep with each other. Doesn't understand that condiments are not food. They sleep with each other. Q misses the soap-opera lifestyle he enjoyed in his last house. They sleep with each other. He has taught Fennis a lot about music over the course of the year. They sleep with each other. Fennis has taught Q a lot about films in exchange. They sleep with each other. They sleep with each other. Although he claims otherwise, Q is more "Pinky and Perky" than "Cheech and Chong". They sleep with each other. Q is a dick. They sleep with each other. Although he did coin the phrase "Staines isn't that big". They sleep with each other. Q is 11 and a half stone. They sleep with each other. At school the girls used to call Q "the poisoned dwarf". They sleep with each other. Much to the bemusement of his family and friends, Q has recently acquired himself a girlfriend. They sleep with each other. She is a petite temptress who rivals Q himself in femininity. They sleep with each other. Q has threatened to end our already-unstable friendship if I revealed her identity on the net. They sleep with each other. He said he would punch me if I disclosed her name. They sleep with each other. He said he would kill me if I told her address. They sleep with each other. Her name is Emma Barc and she lives at 38 Ebberston Terrace, Leeds. They sleep with each other. Q's family are rich Irish hilly-billies. They sleep with each other. He is close to his family. They sleep with each other. In the same way Texans are close to their families. They sleep with each other. Q looks just like his younger brother, "Slim" Glynn, and has been "mistaken" for him by their lovely father on many an occasion. They sleep with each other. One of Q's pets picked up Foot & Mouth and in no time the whole family had it. They sleep with each other.



SOME LINKS


Pornopixies

Virtualtombstone

harmichi's web site




Is Harmichi hot?

Is Charlie boy hot?

Is Tom hot?

MUG SHOTS

Staines
The Awesome Fennis
Lawence
Charlie Boy
Calev "The" Bender
Q



PHOTO GALLERIES


Hirsute aunt sets back rug on fire with roman candle

Bulldog with lockjaw attaches itself to an old man's genatalia

MATES ONLY


MATES AREA

SOME FUN STUFF



GO AWAY

WINDOW SHOPPING

AND MY FAVOURITE AS IT IS SO SHITE...




Result












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Staines would like to say a big FUCK OFF to all his Jewish ex-girlfriends:
Alex, Efrat, Channah, Tanya, Ansel, Jackie, Carlebach........ they are all complete biznatchs

Staines would like to say a big HELLO to all forthcoming girlfriends who will believe his lies and deception.