Red vs. Blue Episodes
(Asterisks mean not active)
Right click and save target as for episodes 34-38
Episodes 0-33 and PSA's
Episode 34 (quicktime)
Episode 35 (quicktime)
Episode 36 (quicktime)*
Episode 37 (quicktime)*
Episode 38 (quicktime)*
Episodes 39-44
Strange but true stories from internet users When I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you
could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half
dozen nuggets", said the teenager at the counter.
You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve,"
was the reply. "So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but
I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head
and ordered six McNuggets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was checking out at the local food store with just a few
items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt
close to mine. I picked up one of those "Dividers"
that they keep by the cash register and placed it between
our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had
scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking
it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not
finding the bar she said to me "Do you know how much
this is?" and I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't
think I'll buy that today". She said "OK" and I paid her for
the things and left. She had no clue to what had just
happened.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside
her car. Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied,
"I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote
door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think
they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have
a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm
too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered,
handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and
manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over
there and check about the batteries it's a long walk.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too
swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary
and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her.
With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece
of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make
five "blank" copies.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor
home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle
was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally
looked like an extra in "Twister". I asked the manager what
had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise
control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar.(98 cents vs. 1 dollar)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central
office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when
they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from
a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've
got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have
a fire downtown?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by
placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with
wires to photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was
placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button
each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
Lines from Star Wars improved with the word UNDERPANTS:
A tremor in the underpants. The last time I felt this was in the presence
of my old master.
You are unwise to lower your underpants.
We've got to be able to get some reading on those underpants, up or down.
She must have hidden the plans in her underpants. Send a detachment down to
retrieve them. See to it personally Commander.
These underpants may not look like much, kid, but they've got it where it
counts.
I find your lack of underpants disturbing.
These underpants contain the ultimate power in the universe. I suggest we
use it.
Han will have those underpants down. We've got to give him more time!
General Veers, prepare your underpants for a surface assault.
I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my underpants back home.
TK-421. . . Why aren't you in your underpants?
Lock the door. And hope they don't have underpants.
Governor Tarkin. I should've recognized your foul underpants when I was
brought on board.
You look strong enough to pull the underpants off of a Gundark.
Luke*Help me take*these underpants off.
Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your underpants.
That blast came from those underpants. That thing's operational!
Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of underpants more
heavily guarded than this.
Maybe you'd like it back in your underpants, your highness.
Your underpants betray you. Yours feelings for them are strong. Especially
one. Your sister!
Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their underpants at the
first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.
Yeah, well short underpants is better than no underpants at all, Chewie.
Attention. This is Lando Calrissean. The Empire has taken control of my
underpants, I advise everyone to leave before more troops arrive.
I cannot teach him. The boy has no underpants.
You came in those underpants? You're braver than I thought.
ACTUAL T-SHIRT SLOGANS
1. "Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam." (seen on Cape Cod)
2. "That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" (seen on an 8 year old)
3. "Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"
4. "Procrastinate Now."
5. "Rehab Is for Quitters."
6. "My Dog Can Lick Anyone."
7. "I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That?"
8. "Party - My Crib - Two A.M." (on a baby-size shirt)
9. "Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since 15."
10. "ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING."
11. "West Virginia: One Million People, and 15 last names."
12. "FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software."
13. "I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN."
14. "A hangover is the wrath of grapes."
15. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance."
16. "STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!"
17. "DISCOURAGE INBREEDING - Ban Country Music."
19. "They call it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken."
20. "He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead."
21. "Time's fun when you're having flies.......Kermit the Frog."
22. "POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN .... Cops have nothing to go on."
23. "FOR SALE: Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once."
24. "HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH."
25. "A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but it uses up a thousand times
the memory."
26. "The Meek shall inherit the earth....after we're through with it."
27. "Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."
28. "HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a
pig."
29. "WELCOME TO KENTUCKY - Set your watch back 20 years."
30. "The trouble with life is there's no background music."
31. "IF THERE IS NO GOD, WHO POPS UP THE NEXT KLEENEX?"
32. "Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!"
33. "The original point-and-click interface was a Smith & Wesson."
34. "MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT."
35. "Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit."
36. "Computer programmers know how to use their hardware."
37. "NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room- spinning
medicine."
38. "Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research."
39. "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was
God, and I didn't."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was checking out at the local food store with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar she said to me "Do you know how much this is?" and I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today". She said "OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries it's a long walk.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister". I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar.(98 cents vs. 1 dollar)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
Lines from Star Wars improved with the word UNDERPANTS:
A tremor in the underpants. The last time I felt this was in the presence
of my old master.
You are unwise to lower your underpants.
We've got to be able to get some reading on those underpants, up or down.
She must have hidden the plans in her underpants. Send a detachment down to
retrieve them. See to it personally Commander.
These underpants may not look like much, kid, but they've got it where it
counts.
I find your lack of underpants disturbing.
These underpants contain the ultimate power in the universe. I suggest we
use it.
Han will have those underpants down. We've got to give him more time!
General Veers, prepare your underpants for a surface assault.
I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my underpants back home.
TK-421. . . Why aren't you in your underpants?
Lock the door. And hope they don't have underpants.
Governor Tarkin. I should've recognized your foul underpants when I was
brought on board.
You look strong enough to pull the underpants off of a Gundark.
Luke*Help me take*these underpants off.
Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your underpants.
That blast came from those underpants. That thing's operational!
Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of underpants more
heavily guarded than this.
Maybe you'd like it back in your underpants, your highness.
Your underpants betray you. Yours feelings for them are strong. Especially
one. Your sister!
Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their underpants at the
first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.
Yeah, well short underpants is better than no underpants at all, Chewie.
Attention. This is Lando Calrissean. The Empire has taken control of my
underpants, I advise everyone to leave before more troops arrive.
I cannot teach him. The boy has no underpants.
You came in those underpants? You're braver than I thought.
ACTUAL T-SHIRT SLOGANS
1. "Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam." (seen on Cape Cod)
2. "That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" (seen on an 8 year old)
3. "Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"
4. "Procrastinate Now."
5. "Rehab Is for Quitters."
6. "My Dog Can Lick Anyone."
7. "I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That?"
8. "Party - My Crib - Two A.M." (on a baby-size shirt)
9. "Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since 15."
10. "ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING."
11. "West Virginia: One Million People, and 15 last names."
12. "FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software."
13. "I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN."
14. "A hangover is the wrath of grapes."
15. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance."
16. "STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!"
17. "DISCOURAGE INBREEDING - Ban Country Music."
19. "They call it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken."
20. "He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead."
21. "Time's fun when you're having flies.......Kermit the Frog."
22. "POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN .... Cops have nothing to go on."
23. "FOR SALE: Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once."
24. "HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH."
25. "A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but it uses up a thousand times
the memory."
26. "The Meek shall inherit the earth....after we're through with it."
27. "Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."
28. "HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a
pig."
29. "WELCOME TO KENTUCKY - Set your watch back 20 years."
30. "The trouble with life is there's no background music."
31. "IF THERE IS NO GOD, WHO POPS UP THE NEXT KLEENEX?"
32. "Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!"
33. "The original point-and-click interface was a Smith & Wesson."
34. "MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT."
35. "Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit."
36. "Computer programmers know how to use their hardware."
37. "NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room- spinning
medicine."
38. "Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research."
39. "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was
God, and I didn't."
You are unwise to lower your underpants.
We've got to be able to get some reading on those underpants, up or down.
She must have hidden the plans in her underpants. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally Commander.
These underpants may not look like much, kid, but they've got it where it counts.
I find your lack of underpants disturbing.
These underpants contain the ultimate power in the universe. I suggest we use it.
Han will have those underpants down. We've got to give him more time!
General Veers, prepare your underpants for a surface assault.
I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my underpants back home.
TK-421. . . Why aren't you in your underpants?
Lock the door. And hope they don't have underpants.
Governor Tarkin. I should've recognized your foul underpants when I was brought on board.
You look strong enough to pull the underpants off of a Gundark.
Luke*Help me take*these underpants off.
Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your underpants.
That blast came from those underpants. That thing's operational!
Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of underpants more heavily guarded than this.
Maybe you'd like it back in your underpants, your highness.
Your underpants betray you. Yours feelings for them are strong. Especially one. Your sister!
Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their underpants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.
Yeah, well short underpants is better than no underpants at all, Chewie.
Attention. This is Lando Calrissean. The Empire has taken control of my underpants, I advise everyone to leave before more troops arrive.
I cannot teach him. The boy has no underpants.
You came in those underpants? You're braver than I thought.
ACTUAL T-SHIRT SLOGANS
1. "Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam." (seen on Cape Cod)
2. "That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" (seen on an 8 year old)
3. "Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"
4. "Procrastinate Now."
5. "Rehab Is for Quitters."
6. "My Dog Can Lick Anyone."
7. "I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That?"
8. "Party - My Crib - Two A.M." (on a baby-size shirt)
9. "Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since 15."
10. "ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING."
11. "West Virginia: One Million People, and 15 last names."
12. "FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software."
13. "I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN."
14. "A hangover is the wrath of grapes."
15. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance."
16. "STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!"
17. "DISCOURAGE INBREEDING - Ban Country Music."
19. "They call it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken."
20. "He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead."
21. "Time's fun when you're having flies.......Kermit the Frog."
22. "POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN .... Cops have nothing to go on."
23. "FOR SALE: Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once."
24. "HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH."
25. "A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but it uses up a thousand times the memory."
26. "The Meek shall inherit the earth....after we're through with it."
27. "Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."
28. "HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig."
29. "WELCOME TO KENTUCKY - Set your watch back 20 years."
30. "The trouble with life is there's no background music."
31. "IF THERE IS NO GOD, WHO POPS UP THE NEXT KLEENEX?"
32. "Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!"
33. "The original point-and-click interface was a Smith & Wesson."
34. "MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT."
35. "Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit."
36. "Computer programmers know how to use their hardware."
37. "NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room- spinning medicine."
38. "Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research."
39. "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't."