Plastic Products: We are surrounded by plastic propaganda. Tupperware isn't good enough anymore (Loyalist Tupperware Party unite!). Plastics make it possible! Well, I dare to contradict that-plastics make it impossible! Two of the worst offenders are plastic bags and plastic wrap, supposedly the best things since sliced bread. You can store ANYTHING in plastic. Until it tears or melts that is. Yes, those things WILL melt and fuse with your food. And then there's trying to close the muffin flucking bag. Two hours you spend pressing the "insura-lock" closures together only to hold it up in triumph and have the food spill all over. And there is plastic wrap! That is probably Satan's greatest achievement! Not only does it serve absolutely no purpose in covering, it won't stick to the bloody bowl, but it will cling like superglue to itself and everything within a fifty mile radius. There should seriously be a warning: "Do not let plastic wrap come in contact with skin." And those boxes area VICIOUS! Just as you think you've mastered tearing that piece of clingy crap on the stupid piece of metal, the thing BITES you and leaves a scar the size of Texas that stings and throbs when the barometer drops below 30.136 mm or it rains exactly 7.29 inches in Southern China. MUFFIN FLUCKER!
-Bras: (a list of profanity would follow this word, but I have given up searing for Lent, so it will have to be postponed until a later date). Alright children, imagine this scenario: Bra shopping. Need I say more? For the sake of the male population out there, I will. So, bra shopping anywhere other than a women's lingerie store (which are terrifying in themselves), the underwear section always happens to be by the men's socks , or the kitchenware or something. All self-esteem disappears as I realize that each bra I try on makes me look progressively flatter (I swear they're shrinking sometimes), and just when the padded bra is seeming like a good idea, who is standing there but my history teacher. No, not really, I've never actually run into my history teacher bra shopping nor considered a padded bra, but I know girls with similar stories. The worst that's happened to me is running into a bunch of teenage boys in Victoria's Secret who were looking for a thong. Yeah, I don't want to know either
-Lemon Bars: Lemon bars? you ask. Yes, lemon bars, the favorite snack food of satan. I swear, I followed the directions EXACTLY, rechecking them constantly. But how do they come out? Looking like a bunch of yellow goo with a fried egg on top! I still waiting for the lab results on the actual chemical content of them. Why am I so cursed?!
--psycho girl