• civil disobedience man (with the ability to protest!)
• captain lieutenant (with the ability to simultaniously be promoted and demoted!)
• the pansy (with the ability to cower in fear!)
• the six degrees of kevin baconator (with the ability to relate everything in six steps or less!)
• too much caffine man (with the ability to jitter uncontolably!)
• pacifist man (with the ability to avoid conflict!)
• the dorkinator (with the ability to quote star wars line by line!)
• yellowbellied man (with the ability to run away really fast!)
• stress out girl (with the ability to curl up in the corner and rock back and forth!)
• oblivious woman (with the ability to not notice anything!)
• steak guy (with the ability to look really cute!)
• band geek (with the ability to follow commands in their sleep!)
• quiet dude (with the ability to not have anyone hear them!)
• mumble man (with the ability to not have anyone understand them!)
• pathetic girl (with the ability to have a crush on a guy for months and not do anything about it!)
• hot drum major (with the ability to make band geek drool on sight!)
• wonderboy (with the ability to attract dozens of girls to him, yet be completely oblivious to it!)

--aiko, the grand drum major of the universe

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