BLONDE JOKES  

How many of you tease blonde's out there? I bet you call them airheads, bimbos, and just plain ol' BLONDES! Well, I am a TRUE natuRaL blonDe! A smaRt one too! And IM PROUD of it! I don't fit the stereotype! So here are you're funny little blonde jokes.... ReaD oN!

      Two blondes are waiting on a bus stop, when a bus pulls up and
opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside and asks the
driver: "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"

The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm Sorry."

At this the other blonde leans inside, smiles and twitters:
"Will it take ME?"
 

 A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door
burst open and in comes four exuberant blondes. They came up to the bar,
order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and
sit down at a table. The corks are popped, the glasses filled and they
begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and their voices join in raising the roof,
"51days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally, the tenth blond comes in with a picture
under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and
the table erupts. Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, 
exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51
days!" The bartender could not contain his curiosity any longer, so he
walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautiful child's puzzle of
Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of  the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?" The
blonde who brought the picture pipes up, "Everyone thinks blondes are so
dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together,  bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"

   SHE WAS SO BLONDE THAT....
 ------------------------------------
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
 She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tripped over the cordless phone.
 At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put Sagittarius.
If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
 When she heard that 90% of all crimes were committed around the home, she moved.
 It took her months to figure out she could use her AM radio at night.
 She was staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "concentrate"
 She thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company.
She told me to meet her at the corner of WALK & DON'T WALK.
When she was on the highway going to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left", she turned around & went home.
 She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
 Under education on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics".
 She studied for a blood test and failed.
She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
 It takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
 She sold her car so she would have gas money.
 She looked into a box of Cheerio's and said, "OH, LOOK!! Donut seeds!!"
 She had to leave her job at the pharmacy because she can't fit the prescription bottle in the typewriter.

 A blonde was recently hired at an office. Her first task was
to go out for coffee. Eager to do well her first day on the job,
she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop.
She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came
over to take her order. She asked, "Is this big enough to hold
six cups of coffee?" The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos,
hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks
like about six cups to me."

"Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "Then give me two regular,
two black, and two decaf."

 What's the definition of "eternity?" 4 blondes at a 4-way stop

What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean? An air  pocket.

 What do you call a basement full of blondes? A whine cellar.

Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts? "This goes in front."

 A blond man showed up at work one day with a black eye. When
his co-workers saw him they asked him what happened. He told
them it had happened at church. They insisted that you couldn't
get a black eye at church, and wanted to know what really happened.

So, he told them, "I went to the church---I got on my knees and
prayed---I stood up to sing the hymns---there in front of me was
the biggest woman I had ever seen, and when she had stood up, her
dress had got stuck in her butt-crack, so being the gentleman I
am, I reached over and pulled it out for her and she did not like
that so she hit me." The guys laughed and ribbed him about it all
day.

The next week he showed up to work and his face was beat bad!
Again the guys asked him what had happened and he told them he'd
got beaten up at church. Again they didn't believe him, so he 
explained, "I went to the church---I got on my knees and prayed---I
stood up to sing the hymns---and there in front of me was that same
big woman with her dress again stuck up her butt-crack."

At this point the other men interrupted and said "Please tell us
you didn't pull her dress out of there again?"

"No, the guy standing beside me did, and I knew she didn't like
that---so I shoved it back in."

What do you call an eternity?
Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?    
Toes Go In First.

Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the
car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland "Left", so
they turned around and went home.

What do SMART Blondes and UFO's have in common?
You always hear about them but never see them.

What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
Oh look, Daddy...Doughnut seeds.

Why did the Blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.

Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.

How can you tell when a Blonde sends you a fax?    
It has a stamp on it.

Why can't Blondes dial 911?   
They can't find the 11 on the phone!

What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you?
Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!

How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer?
There is white-out all over the monitor.

Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks?    
It takes too long to retrain them.

A Blonde and a brunette were walking outside when the brunette
said,  "Oh look at the dead bird." The Blonde looked skyward and said,
"Where, where?"

How do you drown a Blonde?
Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to
a  regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.

How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye?    
Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.

What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team?
They drowned in Spring Training.

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the
YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her joke on Wednesday.

A state trooper pulls over a car driven by a young blonde woman.
Cop: "Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway--why are you going slow?"
Blonde Woman: "Officer, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65."
        Cop: "Oh miss, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!"
Blonde Woman: "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point the cop looks in the backseat where the passengers are shaking and trembling.
Cop: "Excuse me, miss, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something terrible."
Blonde Woman: "Oh, we just got off highway 119."

Two blondes were driving through Louisiana when they came to a sign that told them they were almost to Natchitoches. They argued all the way there about how to pronounce the name of the town. Finally they stopped for lunch. After getting their food, one of the blondes said to the cashier, "Can you settle an argument for us? very slowly, tell us where we are." The cashier leaned over the counter and said " Buuuuuurrrrrrrr-Gerrrrrr Kiiiiiinnnnnngggg".

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 that she owed. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet." So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money." The blonde confessed, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"