BEING
GAY AT SCHOOL
Worries About Being Gay
Many young people know they are
gay at school and yet they do not tell anyone about it nor act
upon their feelings.
When asked what were their worries
about being gay at school, the following comments were made:-
Confused - not understanding why they
are gay - not knowing what it means to be gay
4 women 5 men
L1 - " I felt confused
about my feelings; that I wasn't normal and wouldn't fit in.
I didn't think that anyone would understand the way I felt."
L3 - "I worried why
I felt this way and worried that other people might realise
it."
L9 – "It was more
about I had no one to talk to about it and I didn’t know how
to deal with my feelings and I thought it was going to be like
this for the rest of my life and it did feel wrong or I was doing
something bad by feeling these things."
L10 - "Although I never really
believed it was wrong as it always seemed natural I worried
about how it would affect my life; how I could ever be a lesbian
with a girlfriend with a life in Derry/Londonderry and how or who
the hell could I experiment with? I also worried about what
I would do if a woman made a pass at me; what would I do? I
didn't have a clue. There was no mention of homosexuality
at school; only by male teachers when harassing boys who
preferred art to football."
G20 – "I was afraid of how
I would be excepted by my family and society. What sort of
life I would have? Were these feelings right?"
G21 – "Lack of support,
information. Not knowing anyone in the same position."
G22 –" It worried me
because I couldn’t understand how it could be possible to be
attracted to the same sex and, of course, there were the
pressures of the changing room and peer pressure."
G23 – "My worries were I
was abnormal and being ridiculed etc."
G24 – "I worried that I
was gay because I had been influenced by my effeminate
friends."
Afraid of
criticism and scorn - 2 women 6 men
L2 - "It is an all
girl Catholic Grammar School run by nuns, some of whom didn't
exactly emerge from a progressive non-judgemental era!!"
G8 - " My first school
was in a rough area and many pupils had very bigoted views.
I was scared that I might be found out. However when I
changed schools to do A levels I found a much more relaxed
atmosphere and felt more at ease with my feelings."
G19 – "I was worried
because they would notice that there was something different
about me and give me hassle."
Fear of
loosing friends - 1 woman 1 man
L7 - "It wasn't
talked about so I thought I was alone, very isolated and had no
support. I was worried someone would notice I liked a particular
girl. I thought I’d loose my friends and that people
would think I was disgusting and weird."
G27 - "[I worried] that they
would find out and I would loose them for a friend or I would be
attacked."
Fear of
being attacked - 7 men
G1 - "Because if someone
found it would either go one of two ways:- 1) I would be given a
kicking. or 2) I would probably meet someone in the same
situation."
G2 - "I didn't want to be
gay. I didn't want the bullying/abuse."
G13 - "I worried that people
would find out and that they would beat me up. I also
worried that they would hound me for ever."
G17 - "I worried that if I told
someone at school ie. males, they would all disown me. Being
picked on or bullied was always a big fear as the word gay was
often used in a bad way and as a kind of slag name called to
other people although at school I was not suspected of being gay
for the simple reason I was quite straight acting although I
found it quite hard to be myself."
G28 -"Worried by being turned
on during P.E. or being caught staring, [which] would have led to
an unbearable life of taunts and confirmed suspicions."
Being
Gay at School and not being Worried About it.
3 women and 10 men did not worry
about being gay at school. Some of the reasons follow:-
Reasons
they did not worry
L4 - "I
thought ‘If I am lesbian or bisexual, I am and
there’s nothing I can do except enjoy it!’"
L5 - "It did not worry me
because I had already told someone who understood the whole issue
at large. I had enough well received understanding and felt
it unnecessary to let anyone at school interfere with that."
L11 -"Nobody else knew."
G3 - "It did not worry me
because I always felt things would be O.K."
G7 - "Because firstly I
was brought up as a liberal person and secondly I had positive
gay role models."
G9 - "I never realised
that life would be difficult because of being gay. I
assumed, in my innocence, that I was the same as everyone else
until I discovered at secondary school all was not as I had
imagined."
G11 - "Because they presumed it
and they were comfortable with it."
G12 - "It didn't worry me
because I knew there was nothing wrong with being gay. It
was just that I was very shy and secretive about my sexuality
although lots of people thought I was gay."
G14 - "I got on really well
with everyone. My camp behaviour got me on a good level
with people."
G25 – "I felt that I was
normal as I could be and so much media connection to gay affairs
made me feel more solid and not to feel ashamed."
G26 – "I was happy to like
other boys and sensed that the one boy I fancied was gay as
I could feel that he was interested in me by way of glances and
once standing up for me when I was picked on."
Coming
Out at School
Coming Out means not going out of
your way to hide the fact that you are gay. The people were
asked at what age they came out at school or work. The
graph below shows the responses.
About 60% of the respondents were not
out at school or work when they completed the questionnaire.
Only 2 boys (6.9%) and no girls were
out at the age of 16 so being out at school does not seem to be
an option that young people take. 8 boys and 1 girl (11.1%)
were out at school or work by the age of 18 (27.6%) but it is not
clear from the survey how many of these 9 were at school doing A
levels and how many were at college or had left education at the
time.
Most
young gay people do not come out at school because they fear the
consequences
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