“Okay, pass this by me one more time,” Brian panted as he struggled to keep up with the skinny Rincewind in his red… dress as he dashed across the country landscape. “Why are we running again?”

“Because there could be people after us!” the straggly wizard replied, not even bothering to turn and face Brian or even slow down.

Brian could feel a cramp working its way across his stomach and his short legs were aching dismally after almost breaking his ankles several times on various stones that jutted from the landscape. He glanced behind him and frowned as he saw nothing. He hadn’t seen anything since he arrived in this bizarre world.

He had begun to wonder if it was all a strange dream until Rincewind had built a fire and cooked some sausages. Nothing dream like could have tasted that revolting… not even the Luggage would touch them and Brian could have sworn that it had somehow screwed it’s face up in revulsion at the stench that accompanied the freshly fried sausages, even though it was nothing but a wooden trunk and could not possibly have a face or any thing else to screw up…

“There is nobody behind us!” Brian wailed, his short legs tired after running for so long. “I want to stop!”

“This is Uberwald!” Rincewind snapped. “There is always something after you, normally trying to eat you or suck your blood!”

“But there’s nothing chasing us!” Brian whined, panting madly.

“Even if I wasn’t running from something, it’s still better to run and be on the safe side!”

“You weren’t running when you found me!” Brian tried as he clumsily slid over the muddy ground.

“I had stopped to determine the my location so that I knew which way to run to get out of Uberwald!” Rincewind defended.

Brian’s face was red with exertion and his chest was contorting in streaks of pain that stabbed across his stomach. He glanced down at the Luggage which was running beside him on its hundreds of little legs. The patter of little fete was always comforting… it was just scary when there were so many feet… and when they were on a wooden trunk.

“Can we stop?” he moaned.

“No! I’m running away! You don’t stop when you’re running from something!”

“What are you running away from?”

“YOU!”

“What? Aargh!” Brian suddenly felt his foot catch on a stone and then he was falling face down into the mud with a wet splat. “Rincewind, wait!”

“NO!”

“Why are you running away from me if you’re a powerful wizard?” he asked suspiciously.

Rincewind finally skidded to a dead halt and Brian realised that he had struck an interesting point. Brian was the one who was supposed to be frightened. Why would this terrifying, powerful wizard be running away from a mere human like Brian? Unless…

“You’re not really a wizard are you?” Brian said, his eyes narrowing slightly. “You just said that to make me frightened of you!”

Rincewind was suddenly walking towards him and rolling his sleeves up. Brian cautiously sat up, ignoring the way the wet mud soaked through his jeans. He glanced beside him to see that the Luggage had joined him and was now sat with all of its legs cross legged. He slowly wriggled away from it, but it shuffled closer. Brian inched away again, not liking any travel accessory with so many teeth.

He gulped as he saw that Rincewind was not standing directly in front of him and his eyes swivelled to watch as a finger was pointed at his face.

“I m too a wizard! It says so on my hat!” He pointed to the battered red hat on his head.

“Not it says, Wizzard,” Brian corrected. “Unless all wizards are bad spellers in which case - ” He froze as Rincewind wiggled the finger at him. If he wasn’t magical, then why did Rincewind have this strange chest on legs?

“I could turn you into a frog, but you already have the looks of one.” Rincewind gathered up his robes and began to squelch his way back through the mud.

“Ha ha,” Brian said. “Pretty lame excuse and I think you’re a pretty lame wiz-zard as well.” He was gambling on this one. He really did not want to be a frog… Leighanne would no doubt divorce him or, even worse, squash him if he turned up on the doorstep as a frog when he returned home.

Rincewind turned around and glared at him. He waved his arms majestically above his head and Brian watched him curiously. He had never seen a wizard at work before.

“KAPOW!” Rincewind said as he flung his arms before him.

Brian glanced about him, waiting for something interesting to occur or some bright flash of green light to explode from the ground, but nothing happened. He stared back up at Rincewind.

“I’m tired,” Rincewind said. “And you’re not worth the energy of a real spell.” He glanced at the Luggage. “Come on, you! Stop clinging to him! You threw him up! Not many other things are so attached to their vomit!”

“Hey, you can’t just ditch me here!” Brian said as he scrambled to his feet.

“Why not?” Rincewind replied as he began to walk through the thick mud.

“Because I don’t know how to get home!”

“Well I don’t know how to get you home either! Goodbye! Come on!” he said to the Luggage, which refused to move from Brian’s side.

“You really are a useless wizard aren’t you? Why did I have to get stuck with a stupid wizard who can’t do magic?” This was typical… It was always Brian who got the worse deal. He wondered dimly where the others were. He bet that even Nick had a better situation than him.

“I don’t know, and I am not useless! I’m good at running away and I’m good at languages.”

Brian struggled to leap through the mud to catch up the wizard, not wanting to be left behind in this field of mud. “Really? Like what?”

“I can say ‘please don’t kill me’ in any language and ‘help’.” Rincewind looked proud. He eyed Brian suspiciously. “Why are you still following me? I’m impressed. I’ve been running away from you for an hour and you still haven’t given up.”

“I’ve run away from people as well before, so I can run.” But right now he really didn’t want to. If Rincewind started to run again, then Brian would never be able to keep up with him.

“I don’t trust you. You’ve got a weird aura. You’re not from the disc and I think it would be safer to run away then to stay with you.”

Brian surprised himself with his reflexes with what happened next. He saw Rincewind suddenly make a leap to enter a sprint and he stretched out a hand to grab him before he could run.

“You’re not leaving me alone here! I need help! Wizards sent me here and you must be able to send me back! You’re right, I’m definitely not from this place! This is like some kind of freaky, alternate world! I don’t want to stay here! I want to go home! The sooner you get me home, the sooner you get rid of me!” Brian shouted, his hands clasping Rincewind’s arm tightly, despite the wizard’s best efforts to carry on trying to run away. “There’s nobody else to help me except you and your… Luggage.”

“I don’t know how to help you!”

“Well try! Haven’t you got any wizarding friends who can help?”

“No.”

Brian groaned in annoyance. “Wizards sent me here,” he said slowly. “You must know some way to get me back!”

“As you kindly pointed out before, I am a lame wizard and can’t do anything but run. Sorry.”

“How am I going to get home?” Brian said wearily.

“Perhaps I can help you,” a calm voice said suddenly.

Both men spun around, shocked that anybody could have snuck up on them in the wide open, muddy field.

The newcomer was a well-built young man with a crop of shaggy blond hair that unruly ruled his head. Something deep inside of Brian cringed in instinctual fear and he found himself inching slowly away.

“Er… sorry if I’m being rude, but who are you?” Brian asked, noting the way the Luggage had sprang to its feet and begun to snap its lid open and closed threateningly.

“My name is Erik Von Griwolf,” the stranger replied kindly, smiling at Brian. “You seem lost.”

“Yeah I am. Do you know how we can get out of this country?”

“Well, I know this place very well and I am sure I can be your guide,” Erik said with the same warm smile. Still there was something about him that made Brian want to run. There was something feral and wild in his dark eyes…

“Er, Brian?” Rincewind said suddenly. “I am about to start running. Feel free to try and keep up.”

“What?” Brian turned, but Rincewind was already running across the muddy plain.

There was a sudden growl from behind him and Brian spun around and screamed as he saw that Erik had begun to change. Muscles were bulging out of his suddenly torn shirt. The face had begun to alter and the blond hair had begun to cover the entire face which had formed a more prominent snout and lots of sharp teeth…

“AARGH! WOLF!”

It didn’t take long for Brian’s little legs to start rapidly moving in the direction Rincewind had gone. After him came the pattering of little feet as the Luggage began its own run for safety and then came the much less reassuring thump thump of heavy paws pounding into the mud.

“I hate this world!” Brian screamed, feeling that he had to scream that fact before the words burst his skull open. In his own, normal world, kind, caring strangers did not turn out to be ferocious wolves!

He screamed as he ran across the mud and then common sense finally clamped his mouth shut as he realised that conserving breath for running would be more useful then screaming his head off.

His feet slid and squelched in the mud and he gasped in fear as the growls from behind him increased. He turned his head and a cry emitted from his lips as he saw how close he was to being ripped apart by the wolf.

“Rincewind!” he screamed. “RINCEWIND!”

The red robed wizard ground to a halt far in front of Brian and he could just make out the orange beard on his worried face. Rincewind was way ahead of him now. Brian doubted if he could help even if he wasn’t a total coward.

He turned again and then screamed, expecting the wolf to leap upon him any second. He tried to run faster, but he knew that it wouldn’t be enough…

Suddenly the Luggage ran in front of Brian and began kicking up mud with its hundreds of little legs. The wolf gave a growl of rage as the mud splattered into its eyes and the Luggage kicked up another wet splurt before beginning to run again. Brian took the hint and followed, knowing that the wolf would not be preoccupied with the mud for long.

Rincewind was still watching them in the distance, just where the ground began to slop up to a huge muddy hill. Brian frowned slightly, wondering why the wizard wasn’t running again. Rincewind suddenly raised his hands and Brian watched in amazement as a bright stream of white light suddenly seemed to fall from the sky. He turned his head, mouth gaping wide in astonishment, as he watched it hit Erik.

The wolf gave a whine of self pity and thee grey fur began to fade to blond again with a faint hint of human pink skin beyond.

Brian gulped as he glanced back towards Rincewind, still motionless. Brian began to run again, heart beating hard. Rincewind was a wizard after all! He had just saved Brian’s life and maybe he could send Brian home!

He panted as he came closer to the wizard, only a few metres away now and saw that Rincewind appeared to be in a daze almost. The Luggage pattered over to its owner and gave him a nudge. Rincewind’s eyes flickered down to the chest and then he began to run again, heading up the wet, muddy slope.

Brian wasn’t far behind now. He turned his head again and to his dismay he saw that Erik had risen from where he had fallen, but he now looked more like the human that had approached them. This idea soon disappeared as he saw the animal like way in which Erik bounded furiously over the landscape, desperate to rip apart his victims.

Brian stumbled up the muddy hill, ignoring the painful throbs in his chest and the aching of his limbs. He dared not slow down as he reached the top and barely took the time to glance down at the river and shore that lie beneath before he was sliding back down the other side.

Rincewind had found a boat by the edge of the river and was already pushing it out and bounding in.

“Hey! HEY!” Brian snapped as he saw that Rincewind was about to cast the boat away without him. “What about me?”

“What about you?” Rincewind replied. “You’re nothing to do with me! Stop looking at me like that!” he added as he saw the Luggage staring at him from the other side of the boat, even though there were no eyes on its wooden chest.

“You can’t just leave me here to get devoured by wolf!” Brian panted, creasing over to try and regain his breath.

“Why not? It will give me time to escape!” the wizard pointed out. “Anyway, it’s not a wolf, it’s a werewolf and I assure that they are a lot worse than ordinary wolves! You can either get eaten by a werewolf or… or blasted by me!” He wiggled his bony fingers threateningly in Brian’s face.

Werewolf? What kind of world was this?

Brian folded his arms and frowned at him. “Go ahead then, Wizzard,” he dared. “You’ve already admitted you don’t have any power!”

Rincewind frowned back at him. Matching Brian’s stubborn expression with one of his own. He suddenly cast the rope away and began to row away from the shore. “I do not need the use of wizardry. I am perfectly capable of rowing a boat and as you observed earlier, I am rather good at running as well. Nobody ever sees me running away!”

“You’re always running away!”

“Yeah, but I’m too quick for anybody to ever actually see me running!”

Brian turned his head anxiously and his eyes filled with fear as he saw that Erik the werewolf was growling and dripping saliva as he arrived at the top of the hill. He was now notably more human than the beats which had chased them over the mud plain, but his hair was still blond and his face was like a man’s. His hands and feet were a cross between wolf claws and normal feet and hands. He stared down at him and then howled, the eerie sound cutting straight into Brian’s soul and sent a deep shudder rippling through his body.

“Rincewind! Rincewind!” Brian screamed. “Please! I have no idea where I am or what to do! I need your help!”

He was trembling after the long run across country. His short legs had been forced to work twice as hard to keep up with Rincewind’s long bounds that easily allowed him to leap over rocks and other obstacles.

He didn’t even have the energy to swim now…

His eyes widened as the werewolf howled once more and then the beast began to dash down the hill, powerful claws tearing into the landscape. Soon they would be tearing through Brian’s flesh and spilling his blood…

Ugh… That would put an even worse dent in his marriage then if he was a frog.

“I might die if I go back for you!” Rincewind said eventually.

“You can only die once though!” Brian said desperately, trying to ignore the howls that came from behind him.

“Yeah and you only live once!”

“Please!” Brian begged. “I just want to go home!”

“All right! Stop whining at me!” Rincewind said. His skinny arms were surprisingly effective as they rowed towards the shore again. “Get in the water!” he called as he saw the werewolf gaining upon Brian.

Brian did not even dare to look around in case he was greeted by fearsome teeth and he immediately leapt into water, crying out as the cold water sucked about his body. Wearily he began to swim towards the boat, gasping as he finally clasped the wooden sides.

Ricnewind grabbed his arms and pulled him into the small wooden vessel. A growl made them both turn to face the shore where Erik was watching them malevolently.

“They don’t like the water,” Rincewind whispered. He glanced at Brian’s arm. “Give me this,” he said, grabbing the bracelets from brian’s arm.

“Hey!” Brian tied to protexst but Rinceiwnd had already hurled them at Erik. The second the silver touched the wolf’s face, he was howling and writhing in agony as the metal burnt him.

“Quick! Row!” Rincewind commanded as he seized an ore.

Brian did as he was told and both of them began to row the boat away from the shoreline. Brian turned once more, but Erik had begun to revert to his human form and was now limping back up the slope. He turned to stare at them and Brian saw that a red scar now marked his handsome face.

“That was close,” Brian whispered. He turned to Rincewind. “Thanks.”

“Yeah and you owe me now,” Rincewind muttered. “Row. This river will take us away from Uberwald.”

“Native land for werewolves huh?” Brian asked, shivering slightly as he gazed about the landscape. To the right was the mud plain and the rocks but beyond was a forest. O his left, there was a thick wood of trees and bushes. How many other wolves were hiding in wait?

“And vampires…and dwarves,” Rincewind replied. “I told you it was best to run.” The wizard glanced down at his fingers, a smile creeping across his face.

“You did magic,” Brian said. “I saw it. You saved my life. I’m sorry I said you were a bad wizard.”

“I only know one spell,” Rincewind said. “But I don’t control it, it controls me. It appears when it wants to and does what it wants and it is as strong as it wants.” He glanced at Brian. “It seemed to want to save you.”

“Uh, well thanks to the spell,” Brian said slowly, wondering whether it was possible for a spell to be alive as Rincewind made it out to be. “Could you use it to send me home?”

“I told you, I can’t control it. Normally a wizard learns a spell and can summon it when they want. I know only one Great spell, but I cannot choose when to summon it. It comes when it is needed.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry.”

Brian sighed, but pushed aside his worries and concentrated upon rowing the boat instead. Maybe the river would take him to a place where he could get home, at least they would be away from werewolves. Well, surely it couldn’t take them to anywhere worse…

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