Kevin rode Binky across the sky, his eyes almost bulging out of his head. The horse was galloping upon thin air! It wasn’t even using the clouds, the hooves were actually touching the air it seemed. It was nothing like riding an ordinary horse. It was a lot more frightening.

‘If I fall off, will I hit the air or will I keep going until I hit the ground?’ Kevin wondered grimly.

He glanced down below him where an entire world met his eyes. It was just like the little model Death had shown him with blue seas, cities sprawled untidily like children’s toys and the sunset coating everything in a thick, red glow. He was far away from the strange black world. The second Binky had leapt into the air they had seemed to pass through a cloudy barrier and then when Kevin looked down he couldn’t see blackness, but a colourful world instead.

He patted the white horse’s mane. “Good boy Binky,” he said. He was still wondering about the horse though. Shouldn’t Death be riding a skeletal horse or a stallion made of flames instead of a white horse called Binky? Shouldn’t the horse be called something like Oblivion or Doom? Then again, if Death had a fiery horse there might be a problem if it set fire to the stable or set fire to his cloak while he was riding it. It would not be very dignified if Death arrived with barbecued bones and a charred cloak. As for a skeletal horse, well that couldn’t possibly be comfortable to ride!

He shook his head to clear the thoughts from his mind. He had to find the others and quick. From what Kevin had gathered form the hourglasses, they didn’t have much time before Death caught them. What would Death do when they ran out of time anyway? Would he reap their souls? Eat their souls? Kevin had no idea what to expect but he thought that it would be better if he found them before Death did. Maybe they could find those wizards and make them send them home…

A horrible thought suddenly leered at Kevin’s mind. What if his friends weren’t on this world? What if they had been scattered throughout five different universes? Would Binky still be able to find them?

He looked down at the flat world before him. It was indeed circular like a disc which is probably why Death had called it the ‘discworld’. Kevin gulped slightly as he saw the edges of the planet. The water of the seas seemed to cascade into an endless waterfall.

“That must be a nightmare for sailors,” Kevin said grimly to himself. It must be so easy just to sail over that waterfall and fall of the world. He looked again at the waterfall and frowned again. “That’s a hell of a lot of water being wasted,” he concurred. He was an environmentalist after all.

Where was he going anyway? He had no idea how to find the others! Sure, the disc was smaller than the earth but he couldn’t possibly search every city for them. “Damn it, I’ve really screwed this up,” he muttered. He had no idea where he was going and he seemed to have no control over Binky who just seemed to be going where he wanted to go. Worst of all, he had a feeling Death wouldn’t be too happy that he had stolen his horse and Death could probably do a lot of things with that scythe…

“Where we going Binky?” he asked. ‘Why the hell am I asking the horse questions? It’s not as if he’s going to answer back is he?’

But Binky seemed to know exactly where he was going. He was heading towards the waterfall at the end of the world.


*****************************

Nick was hot and he was tired. He wasn’t sure how long he had been following the two witches for but he did not like it. He did not like walking and he was certain that the landscape was trying to kill him. First they had led him through a patch of thorns which had ripped up his pants, leaving many holes which meant that he now bordered on indecent. He was certain that the frightening Nanny Ogg was having a good look from behind him as well. At least she had stopped pinching his butt now though. The last time she had tried he had smacked her hand. Next time it would be her face. Normally he did not hit women, but Nanny Ogg reminded him more of a toad than a woman so he reasoned that it was okay.

They were walking along an overgrown path with low hanging branches that seemed to always snag his hair no matter how low he ducked. For once he was no longer proud of his height. He glanced ahead suspiciously at Granny Weatherwax, wondering how she managed to avoid having her black witches hat snagged.

“I’m tired!” he whined.

“Sherrup!” Granny Weatherwax barked.

Yup, he was still being treated like a kid as well. He glared hard at Granny’s back. ‘Stupid old frog,’ he thought.

“If you call me a frog once more then I’ll show you what it’s like to be a frog!” Granny said, without even looking back at him.

Nick’s mouth fell open. “But I didn’t call you a frog!”

“You were thinking it though!”

Nick firmly closed his mouth and began to focus on the ground about him instead of mentally insulting the witches with every word he knew. Nanny scared him because of the way she enjoyed pinching his butt, but Granny scared him because Nick was certain that she did have magical powers. He had no doubt that she could truly turn him into a frog if she wanted.

Nervously he glanced about him. Nanny’s cat Greebo had decided to follow them as well. Nick did not like that cat. Cats were supposed to be cute and fluffy. Greebo though looked like a fist covered in patches of fur. Nick had never before seen a cat with muscles. He also disliked the way it seemed to try and hump everything it came across. Earlier it had tried to hump a bird before finally giving up and eating it instead. It had tried it on with Nick’s leg earlier as well. He had stains down there now.

“Ow!” A branch smacked hard into his forehead as he found that he had not ducked low enough again. He rubbed it, knowing that there would be a lump there later. He’d look like a right dork on stage with a lump on his forehead. Lumps could not be covered by make up.

“Aaww, my poor dear. Want me to kiss it better?” Nanny offered.

“NO!” Nick cried in horror. He tried to take a few hasty steps away but only succeeded in tripping over a tree root and falling to the ground. Typically he fell into a puddle of mud as well that he was certain had not been there before. Every time you fall over you always find yourself landing into a pool of mud which seems to magically appear in front of you the moment you trip over. “Oh shit!” he swore.

“Language boy!” Granny had suddenly spun around and smacked him on the head with the wooden stick she had used to poke him with earlier.

“Ow!” Nick cried again as his head was hit with another blow. He glared at Nanny. “And don’t you dare offer to kiss me again!” he threatened.

“I think Greebo’s offering to do that for you,” Nanny replied. “Aaww, bless him! He does love legs!”

Nick glanced down and saw that Greebo was having fun with his leg. “Gerroffoutofityabastard!” he screamed as he kicked his legs up to dislodge the sex obsessed cat which landed with a thump in a nearby bush.

“How dare ya do that to me poor little poopsie!” Nanny cried as she to whacked nick on the head with her stick.

“Has everyone quite finished trying to hit me, rape me, or hit me again now?” Nick snapped. He could feel the mud sinking through the holes in his pants and his butt was growing cold and wet as he felt the mud seeping through the holes.

“Sherrup complainin’!” Granny said. “Up! I don’t want to be hangin’ around all day!”

Nick glared at her and slowly pushed himself up. His pants were now covered in brown mud, but it still looked like he’d been unable to find a lavatory in time. ‘I’m a mess.’

“That you are,” Granny agreed. “This way!” Without looking back she began to force her way along the overgrown path again. Not a single bramble or thorn seemed capable of ripping her clothes where as Nick looked as if he’d been living in the wilderness for months.

He wiped his muddy hands onto his already filthy jeans and slowly began to follow her. As he passed a tree he noticed that Greebo had taken refuge in a tree and was glaring at him with his one good, yellow eye. He was plotting revenge it seemed.

The sun’s heat was beating down upon them now and nick began to pant. He needed a drink. Preferably something alcoholic. He didn’t think he could cope being sober in this situation for much longer. Nanny did try to offer him some strange brown liquid from her flask, but Nick declined. He distrusted anything that had been near her body.

He spent the next few hours tripping over more tree roots and getting twigs stuck in his hair while being paranoid about Greebo the cat who was still following him and eyeballing him. There was also Nanny who had managed to find another opportunity to slap his bottom. He swore that she had aimed for one of the holes on purpose.

Finally they emerged into a clearing where a small green hill rose proudly before them in the sunlight. Nick gasped as he finally freed himself from the forest. He could have kissed the grass before him in joy.

Upon the hill there was eight stones that had been arranged to form a circle. Nick frowned as he saw that inside the circle, the sunlight seemed to ripple slightly as if there was a barrier it had to penetrate before it could reach the grass. It was very quiet, silent in fact.

“The dancers,” Granny introduced.

Nick still preferred the ones with long legs to look at.

She led the way up the grassy hill and Nick noted that she was not out of breath in the slightest where as his face was red and sweaty after the heat. His legs were also covered in scratches and bruises after all the falls he had sustained.

“Can I go home now?” Nick pleaded. The tear ominously close to his butt had become even bigger. He was sure that Nanny was having a good luck.

Granny didn’t say anything. She approached the stones and pressed the stick between two of the stones. Nick gasped slightly as he saw the air ripples slightly. Part of the stick disappeared. He tilted his head but it had not moved into the centre of the stones. “Woah, that’s weird!”

“Do you really expect the stick to come out the other side?” Granny shrieked. “They form a gateway!”

“A gateway? To where?” Nick asked curiously. He wanted to go home, not end up in some other freakish world with scary old ladies.

“To the world of the elves! These stones are made of thunderbolt iron!” granny said proudly.

Nick nodded slowly. “That’s nice. Can they get me home? I don’t want to be in a world of elves!”

“No you don’t,” Granny agreed. “Nasty little buggers. The barrier is acting strangely though today. There is something different in the magical field.” She turned and pointed at Nick. “Walk through it. You may find your friends.”

“I don’t want to go to a world of elves!” He snapped as he folded his arms stubbornly across his chest.

Granny rapped him on the head with her stick. “Magic works in mysterious ways! It won’t send you to the world of elves, it will send you to your friends!” Possibly…”

Nanny gave his butt a friendly slap. Even elves would be better than this. Though hopefully he would find himself with Brian or AJ or even better, he would wake up and find that this had all been a hideous dream.

He backed away from Nanny Ogg and watched as granny muttered some words under her breath. She pressed her stick against the magical doorway again. “It’s ready. It will take you to your friends and then you can find your own way home.”

‘But what if we can’t?’ Nick thought desperately. Living in this insane world would drive him… well, insane. He looked down to see that Greebo was coming closer to his leg again. He threateningly kicked his leg out and Greebo took the hint and stalked off, still glaring at Nick with an eerie intelligence.

“Goodbye honey love!” Nanny crooned.

Nick turned to see her winking and flashing a toothless smile at him. Beside her Greebo sat her feet watching Nick with hungry eyes.

Nick closely crossed to the stones and stared at them. “If this doesn’t work and I die,” he said to Granny, “I’m coming back to haunt you!”

Granny glared back at him. “Just try it mister.”

Nick turned back to the doorway and took another tentative step forward. ‘This had better work.’He did not want to end up in a world of elves. He would do anything to see Brian’s face. He might even kiss him after all this… maybe that was going a bit too far.

He turned back to the witches for a moment. Nanny sighed and came forwards. “I have to do this before you go.” She suddenly seized hold of his face in her hands and brought him close for a kiss.

“Aargh!” That settled it. He was backing away and then he was falling through the gateway…


*******************************

“Aaaaaaargghhhhhhhhh!”

Kevin heard the screaming coming from somewhere above him. He tilted his head. It looked as if something was falling…

“What the hell?” he muttered.

Suddenly something heavy and muddy was landing on him. Kevin gave a grunt as he was winded while Binky snorted in annoyance. There was another scream and then Kevin felt whatever it was that had landed on him slipping off the horse. He reached out and grabbed something to stop whatever it was from falling. He found that his hand had clasped about a leg.

He looked down to see a blonde headed man dangling upside down from the horse. The only reason he hadn’t fallen was the fact that Kevin had grabbed a leg just in time.

“Nick?” he gasped.

“Pullmeup! Pullmeup! Pullmeuppullmeuppullmeup!” Nick gabbled senselessly. “Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!”

“Hang on!” Kevin cried.

“What the hell to?” Nick screamed. “There’s nothing to hold on to!”

Kevin gave a huge tug and began to pull Nick up by his leg until he could grab both of them and pull him back onto the horse. It wasn’t easy. Nick was just as tall as he was.

“You’re pulling me legs off!” Nick complained.

“Do you want me to let go?”

“No!”

“Then shut up!”

Kevin grunted as he finally managed to pull his friend onto the back of Binky. Nick’s eyes were wide and huge with fear, his hair was stuck up in all directions and he was covered in mud with tears in his jeans. One of them ran right across his butt.

“What the hell happened to you?” Kevin gasped.

Nick shook his head. “You don’t wanna know!”

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