CHAPTER FORTY NINE - STRONGER
“He remembers,” Brian said to Sammy at the end of the day.
They were walking down a long corridor towards the habitation area of the base after leaving B in the medical centre. He’d stayed awake for three hours before groggily sinking back into sleep. He’d been quiet for most of their time spent together, but his eyes had been bright. He’d kept glancing at the chip Sammy had given to him and smiling wearily. If it worked then it really could be the end of everything for B. even if the Gerai did return, there would be no need for them to come after him. Any other terrorists interested in the information as well would never get it from B.
Sammy nodded. “ I know. He pretends he doesn’t. I’ll leave it up to him what he decides to do, but we need to keep a close eye on him. He may talk about it and try to come to terms with it, or he might just forget about it.”
Brian frowned. He’d heard stories of repression. “Isn’t that dangerous?”
“A little. As long as he doesn’t forget completely what happens then he’ll be okay. He’ll be able to understand his dreams about it if he has any, and I’m sure he will. It would be best if he talk to someone, but I saw some of what he went through. I saw the state he was in. I don’t know if he’d even be capable of talking about it.” Sammy’s face shadowed and he shook his head. “It’ll haunt him for the rest of his life.”
“He might talk to you,” Brian suggested. Sammy was everything for B - a brother, parent and best friend. If anyone helped him then it would have to be him.
“In time, I hope so, but somehow I think it would be better if he forgot. It’s over for him now. I don’t know if he can face what happened. Maybe he doesn’t remember all of it, just pieces and fragments. He was very confused at the time and seriously ill. I’ll keep an eye on him and make sure he’s never alone. If I think anything is wrong then I’ll have a word with him.”
Brian noticed all of the “I” terms in Sammy’s words. He knew what it meant. Sammy would be the only one who could be there for B because Brian would have to return to his own time. There was no rush anymore or fear of temporal remembrance illness, but this wasn’t Brian’s home. He could fight to form a place here but it would never work. He had to return to baby Sammy in the past. It was his home and where he belonged. He could never change his place.
He paused in walking and turned to face Sammy. “I’ll stay as long as I can,” he said firmly. “I don’t want to leave you both just now. You’ve got too much to cope with.”
Sammy smiled gratefully and tired lines suddenly appeared in his face as he relaxed. He seemed to have been hiding all the exhaustion he’d felt from Brian but now he displayed everything. “Thank you,” he whispered reaching out to embrace him. “I swear I am so lucky to have a father like you.” His voice had turned heavy with emotion. “I don’t think anybody else in the world would do what you do for their family.”
Brian held him smiling as he thought of the tiny child in his own time. It was amazing how he’d grown up. Brian doubted he could have even asked for a better son. “Everybody loves their family,” Brian said softly. “And anybody in their right mind would do anything for them. I’d go to the end of the world and to the end of time for you and B.” Inside he gave an ironic laugh. He’d certainly been to the end of his own time. “Most fathers would do the same. It’s just that I’m the only one who God has decided to test.”
And it had felt like a test. The world seemed to be seeing how far it could stretch Brian. Time almost had a curiosity about him and it was as if it was determined to see what he would do. It would outdo him in the end. He’d seen what had happened to Bri… himself. Years from now time would claim what it had hunted for so long. Maybe afterwards it would cease its war upon him and give him peace.
Sammy clutched his arms. “Thank you for everything.” He smiled slightly. “Last time I was so thankful to see you again. I’d never managed to tell you thank you for everything you’d done for me, and you have done a lot. You rescued me. You were my saviour and then you adopted me when nobody else wanted me. I could have ended up with…” His face contorted slightly. “Pete.”
Brian saw that Sammy never blinked or looked away as he said the name. It surprised Brian that h even remembered it. They’d never spoken of Pete since he had once kidnapped Sammy. They had often spoken of Sammy’s blood mother Chloe, but never of Pete. He was a taboo that neither of them wanted to remember. He’d thought Sammy had forgotten, but clearly his memory of that time was perfect.
Sammy continued, “I could have ended up with him and lord knows what would have become of me. You came back and gave me the chance to say thank you. Now I get to say it all over again because you deserve it. You’ve been fantastic to me and you’ve done so much for B as well.”
Now Brian was forced to look away. He’d hardly spent any time with B when he thought about it. He’d had maybe a few months total, but he should have raised him for years. “I haven’t done much. I’ve hardly been there for most of his life.”
“You’ve saved his life, more than once. And you helped him. He was a difficult kid to raise, I’m telling you. You’d have had a field day with him.”
“I thought he was sweet!” Brian replied. B had always seemed a good kid, even if he was prone to tantrums.
“Ha! Are you kidding?” Sammy snorted. “He was a pain in the butt from day one!” He smiled fondly. “But he was sweet as well. He was prone to bad tempers and you had to keep two eyes on him because he would always do what you didn’t want him to. Ask Nick and the others what happened when they used to baby-sit him. They have some horror stories.”
Brian smiled but he felt sad as well. Horror stories… he didn’t care if B had been the worst toddler in the world, he would still have traded anything to have been there and raised him. He glanced at Sammy. Well, maybe not anything. He’d never trade Sammy. They were both important.
“But before you came, he was a little lost. You helped him. You may not have realised it, but just by meeting him and loving him you helped him to feel better about himself. He’d always feared the fact that you might have hated him and now he knows that you wouldn’t. He changed for the better.”
Wiping his eyes, Brian tried to push back tears. He’d always felt useless in his own time for not being able to be there for B, but now he didn’t have to.
“And now you’re going to help him as well by being there for him. You could easily go home now and leave this entire mess for the rest of us to clear up, but I know you won’t.”
“No chance in hell,” Brian whispered. “I’m staying for as long as Darren lets me.”
Sammy smiled.
*****************************
“B, how are you today?” Brian smiled as he entered the medical centre and saw B reading a comic. There was a huge vase of blue flowers beside him and a small tray of cakes. B was nibbling on one.
Nick was close by his side. They’d made sure that there was always a familiar face around for B to wake up to. The doctors had noticed from B’s awakening that he would probably be prone to mood swings from now on and they did not want him to panic. They were still unsure of how B would turn out, though at the moment everyone was positive about a full recovery. B had his memories back and there was no sign, thank god, of strong violence.
B’s face was still unnaturally pale and his eyes were dim but he bravely attempted to mirror Brian’s expression. “Still tired. Nick said I was asleep for days so I’m bound to be like this. I’d rather be awake though. They say I can go back to my room later today as long as I have someone watching over me.” he stared up at Brian.
Seating himself beside him, Brian nodded. “I’m sure me and Sammy can volunteer for that,” he assured him. “Who are the flowers from? They’re very pretty.” The blue blooms were thick and also carried a faint musky scent of freshness with them.
“Tess,” B replied. “Howie’s daughter. She came to see me earlier. She baked the cakes as well. Want one?”
“Nah, you can eat them you’re the patient. I like Tessa, she’s sweet.”
“Yeah she is,” B agreed. “I-I… I used to like her a lot but I’m not so sure now. So much has happened and it feels different. She’s still lovely and she was so nice to me and it was good to talk to her. I’m confused though. I think I still like her.” His cheeks had turned crimson with the confession.
Brian smiled. “She’s a beautiful girl, but you’ve been through a lot and things like that take time. Just take it slow and don’t rush into things. You’ve got to think about yourself for a while.”
B nodded, chewing his lip. “I have a lot to think about at the moment.” He looked away from Brian for a moment. “Um, apparently things fell off the able when I had a nightmare last night.”
“What do you mean?” Brian asked, frowning.
B bit his lip and then stared hard at a pen on the table. It slowly rolled off of the table and clattered to the floor. B turned his eyes to a scarp of paper. It fell. Brian stared.
“A few side effects from my illness. Nick can’t explain it. Nobody knows the ‘powers of the mind’ so I’m stuck with it. I’ve been told not to experiment with it too much though.” B’s voice was calm and casual as if he was telling Brian that he had good basketball skills or something equally common and everyday.
“You can move things without touching them?” Brian gasped. How was that possible? Could anybody do it? Questions whirled around his mind. It was something the X-Men did, not an ordinary person.
“It might be temporary. They think it probably is. I don’t mind too much,” B said with a shrug.
It could have been much worse.
“Kinda cool I suppose,” Brian agreed. “Just be careful. Don’t strain yourself or - ”
B laughed a little. “You really sound like a parent when you say things like that. I might just ignore it and hope it goes away. I want to be normal.”
“You are normal, you’re just special as well.”
B’s eyes slid across the table to where the computer chip sat. “I will be normal,” he said firmly. “Soon.”
Brian reached out and took the chip carefully in his fingers. “Have you looked at this?”
B nodded and smiled. For the first time it looked a proper, genuine smile. “Nick and I did. It looks good. Nick and Rob say it’s genius and they’re going to read up on everything. It should be fine. I don’t understand it all, but they say it’s very clever.” He turned to look at his scar. “I’d forgotten what it felt like to live without something alien in your skin. We’re going to wait until I’m stronger before they try it.”
Turning the chip over in his hand, Brian marvelled that something so tiny could contain such a precious amount of information. “Who designed this procedure?”
B’s face twitched slightly. “A man called Marlowe. Sammy and I talked and eventually we decided I’d use it anyway, even if it is Gerai research. Call it a payback for what they’ve done.”
Marlowe… the name was familiar. Sammy had mentioned it. Had Marlowe been the one in charge of B? Had he been the scientist they had left screaming in the base? He didn’t want to press B. he could see the boy’s eyes.
“I’m glad,” he replied swiftly. “You’ll be free of them forever and this time it can be a promise.”
“But I’ll still have the nightmares.”
Brian took a small intake of breath. He’d picked up on the idea of bad dreams from what B had said, but he hadn’t wanted to press the subject unless B had invited him to. Sammy had said that he wasn’t sure if B was ready to talk. Looking at him now, Brian would have to say that Sammy was right. B looked confused.
“Bad?” he asked.
B nodded. He closed his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t remember.”
He had to be careful how he broached this subject. Despite what Sammy said, Brian was worried about the idea of repression. He didn’t want everything to erupt years from now when B might have begun to construct a life for himself. He had to try and at least accept that what had happened had happened. He couldn’t change it.
“B, I know it’s hard but - ”
“I don’t remember!” B’s eyes had become glittery and his voice was snappish.
Brian held up a hand. “I’m not getting at you or trying to force you into anything. I just want to tell you something.” B opened his mouth and seemed to be about to shout but then he closed it and stared moodily at the flowers instead. He folded his arms. Brian sighed. “Sammy and I care about you and we’re worried. We know you don’t want to talk about or think about what happened, but in time you might start to remember and want someone to talk things over with. It might be better than keeping it to yourself for all time, but it’s up to you. Sammy, me and your friends will respect whatever you want. If ever you want to talk though, you can talk to Sammy. He loves you, same as I do, and he doesn’t deserve to be kept in the dark. If ever it seriously bothers you, talk to him.”
B’s eyes had softened. “What about you?”
“I wish to heaven that I could be there for you, but the fact is that I will have to return to my own time at some point. I’m going to stay for as long as I can. I have my own head to sort out and I want to be here for you and Sammy. You’ve both been through a lot. Sammy’s also being quiet about what happened to him. Maybe you two can share your experience, if you ever want to.” Sammy was haunted by ghosts from that base as well. It seemed to have casts shadows on both of their lives. Brian just hoped that there was still space for the sun to shine.
The moody expression was gone from B’s face and his voice had returned to normal. He reached out and took Brian’s hand. “How long will you be staying?” His voice shook a little.
“As long as I can,” Brian promised. “Darren said there’s no need for me to rush home. He wants us all to recover a little.”
B nodded. “Thank you,” he said. “For… everything. You came through time to rescue me again. Nick told me a bit about it this morning. Is it true you were fighting with your future self?”
There was a pang. He still thought of Bri a lot and their missing connection. He still felt isolated, as if he had been separated from the human race. The thought of fighting and wanting to hurt Bri still hurt him now. Over time he’d become such a dear friend. At the same time though, eh could smile at the memory. It seemed so long ago now and the idea that they could have fought how they did seemed ludicrous. “Yeah we did. Quite violent actually.”
B leaned forward. “Tell me,” he said. “Tell me about you and him.”
At first the task seemed impossible. Brian thought he might have to deny, but he found he couldn’t. He deserved to hear about his father, his true father and how he had been a good man. It was hard to start so he started by telling B how he had felt when he first saw Bri in his own time and had realised who it was. It was strange to recall those initial feelings of revulsion. He’d tried to wipe them from his mind. Funny how the mind forgets things it doesn’t want to dwell on. A survival technique, Brian supposed. They always crowded in on you eventually though. It was always the good things that were lost to time but the bad always scarred you.
He smiled as he told B how he had begun to connect to Bri once they were outside the base. It was difficult to describe the link they’d possessed though. It seemed so crazy to have been able to read each other’s minds.
“The mind is a strange place,” B said knowingly. “Look at me now. I wouldn’t have thought that what I can do is possible, but it is. You were really linked that close though? It must…. It must really hurt now that he’s gone…”
“He was a great friend, a mentor really I suppose.” There had been something fatherly about Bri. He would always consider him as family. “It hurts a lot. I almost lost my mind when he… when he died. I admit that I thought I would die with him.” He looked up at B. “You saved me. I saw you and you saved me. I wanted to be here with you and Sammy. As much as I wanted to stay linked to Bri, I wanted to be with you two. I don’t regret that choice, even if I lost a friend and a special connection.”
“I didn’t realise how close you were. I was a little out of it at the time. I’m being honest when I say I don’t really remember. I have selections of images in my mind. I can piece most of them together to see what really happened, but some are jumbled and I know some are dreams. I remember lying in a purple field where I was in a yellow fence. That can’t have been real can it? It was a dream I had while I was there I think. But how do I know what it and isn’t real?” B shook his head in confusion. “I can’t think about it too much. It… frightens me,” he confessed. “I know I’m safe here, but I thought I was going to lose my mind.”
Brian stayed silent and let B talk. He didn’t want to interrupt him. This was something B would have to sort out alone. Only he could order his mind properly again.
“What I remember is terrible. I can’t believe it all happened.” He sighed and fell silent for a while. “I can’t talk now. Maybe one day, but not now.”
It didn’t matter that he had not spoken of everything. He’d started to open up and that was enough. B was such a strong character. The ordeal he had survived had made him even stronger. He wasn’t weak and crying. He was thinking his own experience over in his mind. He was growing up.
“You don’t have to talk about it. When you’re ready, you can really open up.”
B nodded once and then a second time more firmly. “Thinking about it helps me I think. I feel sick when I do and I feel scared but I remember that it’s over and that I’m here, home. I can cling onto that even after a nightmare.” He didn’t look at Brian and seemed to be musing over his own thoughts again.
Brian allowed him his silence. Sammy would be down here soon and he would be pleased by B’s progress. He had decided to let Brian have some time on his own with B even though they’d both been concerned for his well being. They’d been worried that B might sink into fragility and painful sorrow, but he was proving to be more capable than they had thought. Brian knew the feeling. The more bad experiences you went through, the easier it was to order them. You knew you could recover and fight. You knew you had people to help you.
“Did Sammy ever tell you about Pete, his biological father?” he asked suddenly.
B eyed him warily. “Not really. He told me a little but he never particularly wanted to talk about it. He said he was really young and I don’t think he remembers much. He said that he didn’t understand what was happening at the time.”
“Pete was violent. He hated me because Sammy loved me. He was jealous and he wanted to hurt me. He kidnapped us both and threatened us with a gun before dragging us into a truck. It was one of the most horrific experiences of my life. I thought I’d never get over it. I felt like I was going to die, especially when I was told I couldn’t keep Sammy. Luckily I got him back and I didn’t care anymore. I had a life with a little boy I loved and Pete could not take that away anymore.” It had been the most physically and psychologically trying ordeal and yet he was alive. He’d been through a similar thing in a Gerai base on his first trip to this time. It had worked out though. He had recovered.
“I’ve got a life as well,” B murmured. He reached out and took his computer chip. He smiled. “You had Sammy and now I have him to help me. And I have this. The doorway to a new life. Darren and the others won’t have to stand guard over me anymore. I’ll be free.” He breathed deeply, but then his face crumpled. “I can’t believe you’re gone from this time though. My dad… I was so lucky to find him in this time.”
Brian was silent. Darren was right. It had seemed almost like fate or destiny.
“But it’s all my fault! If I hadn’t have run away - ”
“B,” Brian soothed. “The Gerai would have got hold of you one way or another, let’s face it. You thought you’d be safe in my time. It wasn’t your fault at all. This lat battle with the Gerai was going to be waged one way or another and there was going to be tragedies. It’s not your fault.” Time would have found a way to change things to how it wanted them to be. Bri should have died along time ago. He had been living on borrowed time and now it had been paid back.
“We didn’t get on very well,” B said miserably. “And he’ll never know that I loved him to bits and looked up to him. I was hard on him because we argued but that’s what families do isn’t it? They argue. He’ll never know. I wanted to be like him. I idolised him and loved him so much, even when we were fighting. He won’t ever know and that hurts so much.” The tears had begun again. The silence was more heart wrenching than sobs sometimes.
Brian leaned forward. “He knew,” he said.
B shook his head. “I never told him.”
“You just did and he’ll remember it.”