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Sydney Morning Herald, 9th July 2001
Ban Eminem, and you widen his audience, argues Tim Ferguson.
Picture John Howard sitting in his office reading an Eminem songbook. His Papa Bear chair is too big and his feet dangle above the carpet, swinging idly as he reads. Suddenly, his feet stop swinging. He has found a passage about Eminem's desire to have non-consensual you-know-what with his own mother. There's also a song about the young rapper killing his girlfriend and, most galling of all to the PM, some vicious anti-gay rhetoric. What the ...?
Selecting a fresh grey crayon from a drawer full of them, Howard writes "Talk about Eminem" on a list entitled "Fun Ways to Ruin Phil Ruddock's Day". The entry is placed under other reminders to "Reconcile with Practical Aboriginals only" and "Smack 'm refugees up". Wearily, he returns to the songbook, wishing for the days when the most ribald lyric available was an exhortation to Little Suzie to "wake up". No doubt today's young people would prefer a song called Chop Up Little Suzie. John sighs. What is wrong with kids today? He picks up a spoon and tests the bowl of porridge on his Papa Bear desk. Still too hot. He returns to the songbook. To be honest, some of the lyrics are quite catchy.
Yes, folks, Eminem is coming and hell is coming with him. He's mad, bad and, according to the best conservative minds available, dangerous to hear. Our beloved leader has made it clear "You cannot have these constantly gratuitous exhortations to violence and not expect some impact, some consequence, some spin-off."
The message is simple if kids listen to Eminem, they will become violent and murderous, and use improper syntax with abandon. In much the same way girls called Little Suzie lost a lot of sleep in the '50s, the boys and girls who head to the Superdome on July 27 will become domestically violent, doo-wop-wop. Their mothers should arm themselves now.
Violence of any kind is abhorrent and evil. Yet, short of embracing a North Korean-style banning of unpalatable messages in the media, there seems no way to stop them getting through.
Whether Eminem comes to Australia or not, thousands of his CDs have already been bought, heard and memorised by young Australians. You can stop the man but you can't stop the message. We may not have freedom of speech but, thanks to the Internet, the freedom to listen is beyond the control of anyone, even governments.
Lonely Phil Ruddock may follow the PM's rather heavy-handed hint and ban Eminem from coming to our shores. Eminem has pleaded no contest to charges of wielding a gun in public, an almost unheard of crime in America. If Phil needs an excuse to ban him from entry into Australia, there it is. We, of course, will know the real reason for the ban. So will teenagers. That's where we find the catch-22 in the whole affair.
As protesters against provocative films repeatedly discover, a call to ban a work of art does little more than pump up ticket sales. All the current press attention (including this article) serves only to heighten Eminem's notoriety. Tour promoter Michael Gudinski must be rubbing his hands in glee.
For those who wish to stop the Eminem message, it's lose/lose. Even if the rapper is turned back at the airport, the worldwide attention of the event will boost his album sales immeasurably.
The debate is not helped by such comments as those made by Queensland Liberal MP Peter Slipper last week. While I was taught by my Irish Catholic dad to believe that the words "Queensland" and "Liberal" used together were a sure sign of lunacy and intolerance, those guys never cease to amaze.
Slipper has proven that, despite being elected to an egalitarian parliament, he's OK with a bit of spontaneous incarceration without parole for the crime of self-expression.
"This guy is mentally sick," he told the Nine Network.
"What we should do is lock him up in a mental institution and throw away the key." Musicians, take note mind your language around Slipper or he'll put you in a cuckoo's nest you'll never fly over.
I was once a member of a little- known fascist/socialist comedy trio who sang about cutting the throats of hippies and carving up arts students with machetes. We sang the songs on the government-funded ABC. The teen fans found it all very amusing. Strangely, none of them acted on our exhortations and hippies and arts students still run free today. We did well out of it all but I can't help thinking we would have sold more albums if only someone had tried to ban us.
Like that tawdry trio, Eminem should be given the chance to speak his mind even if it is full of crap. That's a right Queensland Liberal MPs should protect for their own good.
Meanwhile, back at Kirribilli, the PM tries his porridge once more. It's gone cold. Darn it, when will people learn to cook things that are juuuuust right?
Tim Ferguson is a clip-show host and political saboteur.
Readers are invited to send Hecklers to sbaldwin@mail.fairfax.com.au
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