When the clocks strikes 12 midnight, the year 2004 would be officially over giving way for another year filled with much hope and aspirations, as well as a number of resolution broken in a span of a week.
I wonder if there'd be any fantastic event which would cap off 2004 for me? I doubt it, all I do is wonder and expect things to happen.
I could count in one hand the number of gifts I received on my birthday and on Christmas, not that it is really important, it's the people who remembered. Shucks.
One of these gifts is a wallet given by my brother who works in London right now. I think he is more financially stable than I am right now.
For the life of me, I have yet to use a wallet. It's not like I have a ton of stuff to put it, besides it is not healthy to see and empty wallet. I don't know whether or not I'd be using it. It's one of those leather wallets that does not have a place for pictures, like I had any pictures to put in anyway. Still, I like it and I'd put it to good use.
He mentioned he'd be sending me a gift through a friend who was coming home to the Philippines. I quickly asked if he could look into a couple of DVDs I wanted. He checked it over the Internet and immediately found them, and asked me to add another one so the delivery would be cheaper (if I could order items over the Internet, would be just as bad as giving me a credit card).
Was not able to add another DVD but he ordered them anyway. I had a little hesitation towards the would ordeal as they were Region 2 and use PAL (FYI, Philippines uses Region 3 and NTSC). This means that even if you had a multi-region DVD player and plugged it in a normal TV, it would show up in black and white. I desperately wanted those DVDs so I didn't care anymore, I could always play them on my PC.
The friend arrived last night and when I got home, a big smile lighted up my face the moment I saw the package.
Yes. The 2-Disc Special Edition of Fight Club and Special Edition of The Nightmare Before Christmas that PARConline does not have in stock and is currently out of print. (PARConline is still the premier resource for ordering original DVDs not available in the country or for hard to find DVDs and for those with no patience of flipping through piles of DVDs in Quiapo.)
Just for the heck of it, and knowing that my DVD player is Region Free and was currently hooked up, I popped it in to see how it would look. To my delight and joy, it was in full color and in DVD quality of course. I never had the slightest idea that the big old JVC set was apparently multi-system. The smile I had been beaming grew larger as I browsed through each disc.
It's perfect timing if I may add. Day-offs for next week are on Saturday (tomorrow) and Sunday, and this is the perfect way to celebrate the New Year. Fuck being in a relationship or being promoted.
Now, let's think of another round of DVDs. Thanks a bunch bro!
Freak. It's 9 in the morning now. I need to recharge for work later. Yes. I am celebrating New Year in the office. If it is any consolation, the fireworks in Eastwood do look good from the 22nd floor.
Gift Update:
If you like care to know about it, I have not touched it. Am perfectly content just looking at it. Sick. Somebody slap me or something.
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Split day offs are okay, except that I have yet to use them up wisely. In the past, I would simply sleep through it which is not really productive. You can blame the human's internal body clock for this.
It was my day-off yesterday and I practically did the same thing, sleep. I was able to get a haircut, watch Ran by Akira Kurosawa, and add a few minutes of play to Xenosaga 2.
I seriously needed a haircut as I haven't had one since I last had my head shaved back on September 17, 2004. I finally had the time and will to go out of the house and have it cut. Nothing special, opted for a trim rather than having it shaved again. Whether or not I'd have it shaved again, depends on the comments I'd be getting within the week.
I don't know what to say about the cut, it seems am back to my old boring hair (style).
After dinner, I watched Ran but a few minutes into the film and I was so freaking sleepy. Paused the player and slept. Woke up around 2 in the morning with a splitting headache. Continued watching the movie and enjoyed it. Now I really need to watch more Akira Kurosawa films. Anyone care to lend me a couple?
It seems that I already received my birthday wish/Christmas present long ago, prolly a few days after I changed shoelaces. It's just a matter of opening it. If that is the case, why the hell am I so scared to open the gift. It is not hard, just requires a simple tug of a lace and ripping the wrapper off.
I guess the horrors of a similar experience years ago is still making it's presence felt. Plus I would not consider me any kind of expert or knowledgeable even in these kinds of things.
The thing is, I have never felt this way before and mind you, it's a totally great feeling assuming that I do not expect too much or else the same thing may happen. I certainly do not want a repeat performance which would include S.I.P.
I am just waiting for the perfect time and hopefully accumulate enough courage to finally open it, within this week. I know it would be all good inside, but I am still scared of it.
Shit. Am trying so hard be discrete about this, and with a bit of luck, puzzling anyone who would be reading this, figuring out what exactly I am trying to say.
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You want a cup of oil with that?
Work was crazy. From the time it started until the very end of the shift, the lines were queuing. Hardly had anytime to read some news.
Had lunch alone which is okay since being alone is pretty much normal for me. Ate this sick meal that had a cup of oil in it. It was sick, almost making me puke, and I did not bother to finish the meal. Yes, even though hunger strikes me, I am still real picky about the food I eat.
This is really getting bland and boring. All I do is whine and complaint about work. Well, there is nothing good happening in my life so what's to tell.
Just one more day of work, then we'd have a one day off, which would give me some time for more important things like spend some quality time with my PS2. Fuck the haircut even though my hair is starting to grow pretty long and unruly. I don't have the time for one right now.
Stupid dial-up connection took me more than an hour to send a 10MB email using Mozilla Thunderbird. Thank God it is done.
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Work started out great but ended up pretty shitty. The one hour OT somehow made the day a bit more pleasant. Go figure.
Nothing much exciting happened today. I did get to see my new born niece who is simply the cutest. Took a load of pictures which I would be sending sometime to my brother.
If you have any connection to the outside world, you would have heard about this massive 8.9 earthquake which had its epicenter near Sumatra and created tsunamis that reached as far as Sri Lanka and India. If you don't know how far that is, grab a world map or something and look. Waves traveled from point A to point B, its the almost the entire width of the Indian ocean. If it weren't for the island of Sumatra itself, the waves could have reached the Philippines.
Flipped through some channels a few minutes ago looking for a report about the tragedy. Took me seconds to find one. My Grandma was watching and commented something like, "Don't these people pray? God bless this country." I wanted to say something but opted not too. I was being nice.
A few weeks ago, typhoons hit this country and caused flash floods and killed a lot of people. A natural disaster it maybe but the damage was exponentially worsened by illegal logging in the affected area. The damage of this earthquake is totally natural, tectonic plates pushing against each other. Nothing on earth could have reduced the damaged it did and the lives it took.
So, in one hand we have a purely natural disaster and in the other, a natural disaster which was further exacerbated by human intervention. Now tell me, who is blessed?
On the other hand (yes, a third hand which slaps you silly when you get way out of line), I haven't had decent sleep in ages and sincerely need to retire now.
Wait. When did I ever get a decent amount of sleep after starting work here?
Almost forgot, uploaded pictures from the dinner with the team last Thursday. View them here. There are some minor chances to the page as it is starting to get pretty massive.
For the Pabida Christmas pictures, you can few them here. Pretty artsy pictures which I uploaded to Shutterfly.
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For the first time ever, I did not spend half of Christmas at home.
Somewhere in the day, I decided to go out with friends whom I have not seen in ages. These are the same bunch I was supposed to go with to Puerto Gallera. It was almost like going to work as I just got home, but it was fun.
This is the first ever time I went out on Christmas, which I normally spend at home, with electronic entertainment. The traffic was relatively okay. Left around 4 and arrived at the Gateway mall around 730 or so.
The Gateway mall is like the flashiest mall in Cubao, which makes it stick out like a sore thumb. A mall which would hopefully uplift the image of Cubao. It's a pretty mall and the cinemas are pretty intriguing. Did not watch a movie there yet, but will do so soon. Cinema 10 which boasts LazyBoyz and top-class service seems to be pretty promising as well.
Just don't get why they have to spell "TKTS" at the ticket booth. The space could easily accommodate the whole word and if they wanted to act cool, "TIX", would have been so much better.
The garden in the middle of the mall is simply awesome. Too bad, it is still out of my way. Eastwood Mall is still the most convenient one for me.
Shit. This is not good. It seems that by going out last night I have nurtured this stupid cold back. Stupid. I need some sleep. Let me sleep some more.
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Merry Christmas to all!
This just in. We do not have to report to work today. Awesome.
It's not like I have any special plans or anything. Two days off would give me enough rest and of course more time to play videogames.
Speaking of which, Xenosaga: Episode II (Jenseits von Gut und Bose) is freaking awesome. I don't know which version of the game I bought, as the US release is not slated until February of 2005. This gives me a head start of more than a month before US gamers. Another benefit brought to you by our friendly neighborhood pirate.
After I blogged yesterday, I was not able to sleep right away, as much as I wanted to. So I wasted 2 hours of my life watching Chasing Liberty. Slept after that and woke up for dinner.
Finally decided to watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind again, and loved it as much as I did when I watched in the theaters.
Nothing more to watch aside from Ran and those episodes of Full Metal Alchemist (still quite a handful), then it's all videogaming haven for me.
Oh, I do have to see my newborn niece on Sunday. Hmmm. Regardless, still a lot more free time than I have had in the past month.
As for the cold, it has calmed down a bit. Hopefully, it'd be gone when I wake up.
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Work is simply lovely.
Without any warnings or indications, they again attempted to surprise us. Day-offs for next week have been moved to Wednesday and Thursday, which simply means work on Christmas Day and New Year's Eve. At the least, we have Christmas Eve off. Yeah right, console yourself with that.
Well, it's not like I spend Christmas in any special way. I mostly sleep through the day.
My muscles are still aching especially my shoulder and my thighs. Throat is starting to itch which normally indicates a bad cold for me.
The trip home was crazy. Work finished pretty early considering we started pretty late, and since it was the last day, I thought the team had plans for a couple of beers or something so I did not ask to be picked up. That changed when we learned the chance in day-offs and everyone just decided to go home, including myself.
With no one to pick me up, I had to commute home. Luckily, today's trip was faster and more pleasant than yesterdays. It was so damn bloody cold though. With only a thin polo shirt on, the cold breeze was blowing in my face at 40 kph for more than an hour. I felt the itchy throat before this though, it may have further insinuated a relatively small problem.
The best thing to cure this is too drink lots of liquid and of course, get some much deserved rest. Even though the schedule is pretty shitty I don't want to be absent.
Plus, there are a couple of things to look forward too. Speaking of which, I sincerely need help with that last one. My skull is already cracking up on what the freak I should do, but until now I am still getting no where. I have never done anything like this before. Damn. Help please.
Have a big day tomorrow. After reading what I did for Christmas last year, I now know what I should do. Watch movies and play videogames. Wait, that's all I ever do, right?
Anyway, must find the time and watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Ran and those leftover episodes of Full Metal Alchemist.
Might as well sleep now and dream happy thoughts instead.
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I am worn out. My eyes are heavy. My legs are aching all over. And my mouse arm, as always, is playing up.
After a long day at work, the guys in the team went to Marikina Sports Center for some basketball. We did not last a whole game. Imagine a group of guys who have not had any sleep, add to that puffed cigs beforehand (excluding me of course), running back and forth chasing a bloody ball?
A few more runs around the track field did it for me. As you should know, I have no form of exercise, excluding things I do with my hand.
Die you green minded prick! I meant, videogames, typing and eating.
Anyway, travel time sucks as hell, two hours is just too long.
I should sincerely sleep now.
Oh, and I had one of my better days at work yesterday.
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After what seems to be more than a millennia, the phone lines are up again. With it comes internet connectivity, which is always a good thing.
Let's count then. 1-2-3...14-15-16! Sixteen freaking days. More than two weeks of being offline. Fuck. Am lost.
Well, it ain't that bad. If I did not have Internet access at work I would have probably gone crazy by the first week. Nah, few days even. There are deviations though, but it is still too long a time period. Look at the Livejournal's I have to read. It's not that I need to, it's that I want to.
The history in Firefox has also been purged now. I need to recall all those webcomics I recently started reading.
Birth date passed by with my wish still not coming true. I guess it could be staring me in the face right now just waiting for me to do something. But it is a wish, and it should be given to you outright, all boxed up, not something you actually have to work for. This is what you get for wishing impossible things.
For those who forgot to greet, I have prepared several daggers on the table, feel free to grab one and commit seppuku so you can die honorably. Thank you.
I missed blogging, but am all out of thoughts right now. Blogger's block? Hmmmm...
You know Hoobastank, right? Do you hate them? Well, read this.
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Damn. Finally had the chance to update. For more than two weeks now, there
has been no dial tone. Apparently, the lines in our area are down as someone
stole the cables in another area. Pretty damn stupid.
Knowing how crappy our town is and the fact that PLDT sucks ass, I doubt it
would be fixed until next year. Major bummer.
Atleast, this gives me the opportunity to concentrate on more important things
such as playing videogames.
Speaking of which, I recently finished Shadow Hearts Covenant and now have plans
of playing Xenosaga II next. There are still a ton of games at home that I
bought but have not yet played with, ie, GTA:San Anrdreas, POP 2:Warrior Within, LOTR: The Third Age, Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne.
So many games, so little time.
Just posting this blog to let anyone know that I am still alive and work has not
yet sucked the life out of me. It's almost there by the way. Another 6th day
this week. Sick.
Oh, and Head Automatica rules. Was lucky enough to score a copy of it at O Music
Bar in Eastwood.
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It has been a week now and the phone lines are still down. I have been offline for too long now. I can still read webcomics at work but can't blog as livejournal is blocked and the two computers which have no Internet restrictions seem to be always occupied.
Shit.
I actually want to talk about a lot of things, but this current situation sucks every will to do so. Knowing that you won't be able to upload it anyway makes it simply boring.
I'm better off playing games on the PS2. I have some catching up to do and this seems like the perfect opportunity to do so.
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Fuck.
Still no dial tone, and that downright sucks ass. It has been four days already. This freaking town is so bloody hopeless.
It's ironic actually. My last post was about people pillaging steel cables. According to a rumor, the lines are down since some phone cables where stolen somewhere in the area. Could you believe that crap? Shit. It's pretty amazing. Now I start to wonder when I'd have Internet access at home again.
I need to blog you know. It is part of my system. I already feel like a different person and it has only been 4 days. Bull.
I wasn't picked up from work way until 6 in the morning. I left the office around 5 and when I got out, I could feel how cold it was, and I could say it felt great. I love the absence of heat. I love being cold.
Spent the next hour at Station 168, watched a few trailers, read a few journals, but forget to blog. Now I feel so incomplete.
This is boring. Knowing that I would not be able to blog this now. Sick.
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This is so unfair.
Currently, there is no dial tone and there seems to be no apparent reason why. Atleast, I did not experience a night during the storm when there was no electricity AND phone the whole evening. Would have totally killed me.
No dial tone. Yet here I am updating this blog anyway. I do not know when I'd be able to upload it though.
This is strange. The day should be getting brighter now, not darker. Seems like it is going to pour. Hoping it would be over when I need to go back to work.
What can we say about work? Well, nothing much, you do know how the routine goes. But there are good things that do happen, and one can't just help but smile about it.
The early morning streets are wild. For the second time now, I have seen teenagers pillaging steel/metal pieces from big trailer trucks.
Last week, this kid just stood behind a trailer truck and unwound this long piece of steel cable from the back and dragged it away as soon as the stop light changed to go. I was astonished by the precision and timing. The driver had no freaking idea about it.
This morning, a pair of kids looted some iron pipes lodged on the side of a truck. This driver was aware as he tried to move the truck forward, but there was little he could do. You do not want to get out and jump into no man's land which could possibly cost you your life. Anyway, the kids walked away with a piece of it.
Junk shops pay for this by the kilo. The more you bring in, the more you receive. A few weeks ago, I saw on TV that even railroad tracks were being cut up and sold. Even the dead do not escape this pillaging as metal grills in cemeteries are being sawed off. This is how poor our country really is.
A customer at worked said he knows a lot of Filipinos, claiming that almost 50% of the company are Filipinos. He is simply surprised that these people leave everything behind, family, friends, home, etc, for a piece of something better. He was wondering if the situation is THAT bad.
I said no, there is outsourcing which has helped us a great deal. Seriously though, I told him that each person has their own reason for leaving/dreaming of leaving the country. I was dying to say, a total lack of faith in the administration/government, but that would be a major ding. Yes, in the same way Americans (who hate Bush) are migrating to Canada.
I did not expound on this any further and changed the subject with a snap of my fingers.
Now, I am almost done with Shadow Hearts Covenant, last dungeon, last couple of hours, but I plan on completing sub-quests. Well, I am still thinking if I am going to do just that. I have a lot of pending games you know.
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Here I am yet again, updating this stupid blog of mine.
Part of me is beginning to question why?
Is it really necessary to blog every freaking day when you could be better off playing videogames or reading that stack of unread FHMs you have on your desk?
Is it necessary to let everyone know that you are doing the same freaking things over and over again?
Can't you at least write something worthwhile? Something someone would actually comment on and discuss with utmost interest.
This discussion is worthy of it's own monologue.
Nah, am feeling too lazy (what's new) and I guess you're right, I am better off playing videogames.
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Yes. As soon as the icon in the taskbar indicating the percentage downloaded disappeared, I raised my left hand in victory. It's done.
Downloaded and watched the new Advent Children trailer. This one is in English and is so freaking awesome especially when One-Winged Angel kicks in. The anticipation grows. Fuck. We all have to wait for a year before it would be released. Well, take your time, and redeem yourselves from that god-awful excuse of a film, Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within.
Am off to bed now, but I am not sleepy anymore. Shit.
There's a lot of things I could do, but I don't want to sleep the day away again. That would be royally unproductive.
Let's watch the trailer one more time before we go, aight!
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The typhoon caused some of the power lines going to our neighbors to snap. These people are connected to us for electricity (we live in a poor community, you should see our road). Anyway, it seems that it is fixed now. For some reason though, the voltage fluctuates which is noticeable as the lights go dim for a split second.
It happened a number of times while I was playing PS2, and it was good that it did not turn off the console, or else. Now I am online using my oh-so-trusty-but-I'll-replace-you-if-I-had-the-choice modem. The power fluctuated and boom there goes the connection. You have to wait for a few minutes before the dialtone would be back. So far, it has only happened once.
Am in the process of downloading this humongous file over the Internet. 61MB is not that big really, but everything is big when you are using dial-up. It's now at 63% and GetRight estimates another hour and 48 minutes left.
I need to download this now. Don't want to wake up tomorrow with the link magically disappearing as was the case with something I was downloading from the same site, RPGamer.
If you must know, it is a trailer for Final Fantasy Vii: Advent Children which is not coming out until Spring of 2005 in Japan. Sick. It was supposed to be released Winter this year. Well, it is most definitely worth the wait.
Shit. There goes the electricity. It just went off for a couple of minutes.
Man, am I sleepy to think that it is almost 5 in the morning. I slept after lunch which was around 3 in the afternoon and woke up by 11 in the evening for dinner. Played a few minutes of Shadow Hearts but was too sleepy to continue so I decided to go online.
My head is starting to ache and my eyes are closing every time the page loads. I need to sleep now but I must download this first. I must.
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Piracy Is A Crime. If You Get Caught.
I cannot express into words how happy I feel right now. Right.
It has been ages since we have had 2 consecutive day-offs. During the second half of November, only 2 day-offs were allotted to us. Which meant having two sixth-days and working for 13 days out of 15. It was insane, but one could always reap the benefits of a stint like that. Very timely considering Christmas is around the corner.
Too bad we did not go out for a drink earlier. Am really thirsty for some booze. The weather was quite bad and everyone decided to go home. I stayed at the office though until 6 in the morning doing nothing.
Laziness sank in again, and I refused to commute home, as I had no idea if the roads where blocked, flooded or what have you. So I called home and asked for someone to pick me up again even though I would have to wait for another hour. Station 168 was open, so I decided to watch trailers again. Coolness. There are a ton of neat movies which hopefully would reach these shores someday.
Well, piracy would help speed the process for us. Damn. I need to drop by a DVD stand sometime. Current schedule does not give me the chance to do so.
Speaking of piracy, in Japan a man has been sentenced to one year in jail for sharing a movie on an internet peer-to-peer network, but that's Japan. Here, they do not arrest people, they just destroy the products. Makes no sense at all. I am not an advocate of piracy. Personally, I could say that I have been forced into this situation.
If you watch movies, and are one of those people who enters the theater early to catch the previews, you should have come across the "Piracy is a Crime" ad the beginning. It has a good message to convey, but I find the add to noisy. Even though I expect it to be played as soon as the theater music stops, I always jump out of my seat because of the loudness of this freaking ad.
It's already noon, and I have yet to sleep or even eat for that matter. I am going to have my lunch now and then sleep well into the night. After the rain, here comes the sun, and it's back to blistering hot temperatures. Bah!
One things for sure, I'd find myself waking up on Sunday without accomplishing anything worthwhile during my day-offs.
Admit One anyone?
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Sub par Performance [Thursday, December 2, 2004 @ 9:30 am]
As miserable as I was last Saturday, I am glad the week is over. Well, it isn't over until tomorrow, but it is the last day and that's saying something.
Typhoons come and go and we still have to go to work. Atleast, typhoons allow as the comfort of dressing down to casual clothes.
I was in the office during the wrath of Winnie, and did not know it rained that hard. Was just surprised when I turned on the TV. Yes, I still find some time for TV.
More promotions at work. Promotion equals depression for me. This time the list was long and showed each individuals Employee number (the lower the employee number the longer you have been in the company). Most of them were relatively new. Some from the current team I am in.
My mind literally went blank when I saw the number of promotions, to think that I was still on the phone with a customer. Hah.
Speaking of the new team and promotions, everyone in this team is aiming for a promotion. Most have already been promoted to the next level and are currently aiming for the next. As compared to my old team, nobody talks much about promotions there. I wish I switched shoelaces months ago.
Now I have no aim what so ever. Am still shooting blunt darts at the wall. Am at a point where I am thinking of what I am to be in this company. Stupid suspension prevents me from getting promoted until the prescriptive period is over, which is not until March.
The program has cooked up a few incentives that would help employees get promoted faster. Of course, it does not apply to be as I am black-listed from it even if I perform tremendously well which is very unlikely. Expect a lot of promotions from performers. Oh, that's what we call them, performers, I am definitely not one of them. Everything went downhill after missing a bloody metric by 0.01 points. Sic.
Some people would even get promoted twice before the leash is removed and I could be promoted. This is really de-motivating. Coupled with a borderline personality and the end result is not a particularly pretty picture.
Then I think of what could possibly be holding me back. Is it because of her? I doubt it, I barely know her. I guess it is my ego. When I entered this company, I initially had my sights on getting promoted within the first year. A goal which I learnt was so simple when I missed it by a hair strand. A year and a half into the company, and still no promotion.
I want to leave now, as I have already received what I had been waiting for (13th month pay). Then again, I don't want to leave this company closing and storing it in my Failures Archives.
I want to give myself until July (which would mark my second year in the company), but I am scared of failure. What if I don't reach it again because of some bloody fluke? Have I just wasted another 6 months of my life for a couple of numbers added to my experience in my CV? Have I wasted another 6 months not grabbing the opportunity of working in a foreign land (which I have the option to choose at any time I wish) and quite possibly a better future?
Shit. I hate this so mush. I want to cry or inflict some S.I.P. (Self-inflicted Pain) to make myself feel better, but I won't because I don't want other people to know.
It rules to be serious all the time. People hardly figure out what is it that is happening and write it off as I am always like this.
Oh well. Let me end this with my favorite quote, "It is not failure that is hard to bear. It is the feeling of being a failure." So true.
Let's add a new one, "It sucks to know how freaking good you are and cannot achieve anything."
The last one makes no sense because I made it up.
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