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These are the relationships that simply haven't lasted or just weren't around as long as the others I have written about. This doesn't make them unworthy of note, however. Some were just for laughs, some were deeper; some shaped character, and one of them didn't technically exist at all. Click on the links below to read about:
MODO AND BILLIE MONNIE
Episode: "Unforgiven Cheese"
As we all know, Modo is easily the most chivalric of the Biker Mice, with a set of moral precepts so firmly entrenched in his character that it's almost impossible for him not to follow them. So what happens when there's a conflict between his conscience and his bros? Such is the nature of the situation that arises when avian bounty hunter Billie Money arrives in Chicago. Billie comes to the Windy City in search of Lawrence Limburger. As it turns out, there's a price on his head, put there by some of his former employees who feel they haven't been properly compensated for their services to him (read: he didn't pay them). Billie intends to collect that reward. But even though she's a professional, and probably one of the best in her field, Chicago is a bigger city than Billie anticipated. Tracking down a lone Plutarkian may prove a harder task than she anticipated.
When the Biker Mice appear on the roof top of the building she landed on (they're investigating the spaceship they saw coming in over the Chicago skyline, which was hers), Billie quickly realizes she may be able to use our hirsute heroes to her advantage, particularly Modo. Compared to her, they're locals, after all, and more importantly, they know where to find the Big Cheese. She quickly adopts the role of the helpless heroine, telling the Biker Mice that she's new to the world of bounty hunting. The expert markswoman pretends to be totally ignorant of weapons, handling her guns clumsily (but still hitting her mark every time). Modo seems to have a crush on her right from the start, although it may just be his nature to dote on poor, helpless young women. Either way, he quickly becomes her champion, defending Billie's ever more suspicious behavior to his bros. He ignores her faults and looks only on the bright side (Modo does this again with his aging mentor Stoker in "Caveat Mentor"). This puts him at odds with his bros, who quickly see through Monnie's charade. Things become so tense that Modo nearly comes to blows with Throttle (fortunately, he faints just before things got interesting. Having an entire water tower-full of (what else?) water come crashing down on you tends to do that).
Eventually, Modo awakens, and he and his bros go after Billie, who has now shifted her alliance to Limburger. Everyone has a price, and Limburger managed to meet hers: an entire battleship's worth of weaponry (the lady's got a gun fetish). Limburger's only stipulation? That Billie helps him destroy the Biker Mice. She readily agrees.
Modo, meanwhile, still seems reluctant to hurt Billie--after all, no matter how bad she is, she's still a lady (and a cute one at that). But then Billie makes the tragic mistake of firing on Modo's bros. His eyes (or rather, eye) finally opened, Modo grimly stops her dead in her tracks. Monnie protests that Modo can't lay a finger on her because she's a woman, but Modo isn't about to be stopped by that. After all, you should always help a lady, but family comes first. He grabs a trash can and growls, "Ma'am, one thing has been made painfully clear to me--you ain't no lady!" Modo punctuates the end of that sentence by slamming the can down on his former crush.
In the end, Billie pays for her betrayal severely, losing both the bounty she would have got for eliminating Limburger and that which Limburger would've paid her for stopping the Biker Mice. Hardly a worthy punishment for someone who would toy with sweet Modo's heart, some would argue, but sometimes justice just doesn't come through the way we think it should. Hopefully, Modo walked away from this one a little wiser at least.
GWENDOLYN LIMBURGER AND NAPOLEON BRIE
Episode: "Pwetty Wady"
In fair Chicago, where we lay our scene,
From fish-school grudge break to new mutiny,
Where stinky blood makes stinky hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A scheming cross-dress'd Limburger takes advantage of Brie;
Whose misadventured piteous overthrows
is now the half hours' traffic of our cartoon.
Such is the tale of Gwendolyn Limburger and her borderline insane suitor, Napoleon Brie. These star-crossed sturgeons found themselves victims of the long-running feud between Gwendolyn's uncle Lawrence and Brie himself. Ultimately, Gwendolyn herself would prove too fickle, rejecting poor Napoleon's desperate attempts to woo her. But maybe it was for the best, considering that dear Gwendolyn was her uncle Lawrence.
...
I suppose I should explain that.
It all began one night on Lake Michigan, where Brie launched a midnight attack on Limburger Tower. As it turned out, the Biker Mice foiled his scheme (but only because innocent civilians might have been hurt in the crossfire). Limburger watched it all from the comfort of his office, and was preparing to send his own troops out to finish off both the Biker Mice and Brie's men when a stray missile struck the Tower directly where he was standing. The blast propels him halfway across the city into a women's clothing store. He tumbles through the department in a wild whirlwind of wigs, makeup, shoes, and dresses.
Are you sensing a set-up yet?
At just this time, a dejected Brie happens to be wandering the streets, bemoaning his recent loss. He wails to the high heavens (with that great Elmer Fudd speech impediment) how lonely he is in his quest to "wuin Wimburger." Above all else, he wishes that he had someone to be at his side on this crazy journey we call life.
Just then, he spots Limburger walking down the street. Or rather, he spots a rather large (and frighteningly well-endowed) woman walking down the street. Or rather rather, it's both. It's Limburger, who, in the sort of thing that can only happen in cartoons, has ended up completely attired from head to toe in women's clothing, complete with wig, earrings, high-heeled shoes, corset, and—perhaps most frighteningly of all--women's underwear.
Brie is immediately swept away by this ravishing stranger (Plutarkians must have different standards of beauty than we do), and immediately professes his undying love to her (moving a little fast, isn't he?). Limburger is at first repulsed, but when Brie swears he will do anything if she'll just be his, he realizes that he just might be able to make something of this misunderstanding.
Thus, they begin a whirlwind courtship, with Brie escorting the lovely "Gwendolyn" all over the city, taking her to dinner, sending her chocolates, roses, and other gifts. Soon, he asks for her hand in marriage. But Gwendolyn tells him that her Uncle Lawrence--from whom she says she will inherit a large fortune and all his territory (an incentive for Brie?)--would never approve. And she herself claims to have doubts as to whether or not Brie is sincere (he is, almost frighteningly so). Finally, Gwendolyn promises him that if he brings her the Biker Mice "as the decorations for the world's largest wedding cake--our wedding cake," she'll agree to go to the altar with him.
No sooner said than done. Brie soon has all three mice caged and captured. But of course, Limburger has no intentions of marrying his misguided amour. He just needs Brie to keep the Biker Mice busy while he continues with his current plot to destroy Chicago. The lovesick Napoleon calls Limburger Tower and begs to know where his love has gone. He pleads his case to a surprisingly sympathetic Greasepit, who finally tells him where he'll find Gwendolyn--which of course happens to be exactly where Limburger is tearing up the city! Napoleon appears quickly on the scene, barely giving Limburger time enough to change into his Gwendolyn costume. The ensuing chaos of Brie trying to force his loath lady-love to marry him gives the Biker Mice time enough to escape, and eventually, to knock down Limburger Tower. At episode's end, Brie is inside the crumbled building with "Gwendolyn," and the last sounds we hear are Limburger trying desperately to get away from his unwanted admirer, and a long, wet kiss.
Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive…
"ASPHALT" JACK MCCYBER AND ANGEL REVSON
Episode: "Hit the Road, Jack"
"Hit the Road, Jack" was an episode perhaps better remembered for being "Attack of the 'Beverly Hills, 90210' Guest Stars," than the nifty ring of loves, lies, and deceit woven through the story, but it's the latter that's more important (in this section, anyway). It all begins when "Asphalt" Jack McCyber shows up at the Last Chance Garage with his new fiancée, a red-headed vixen named Angel Revson (who quickly turns the mice's heads). The two of them apparently met at a computer expo, where Jack was displaying his powerful new cyber-bike--the nearest thing human science has produced to a Martian motorcycle. Everyone is thrilled about Jack's engagement, except maybe for Charley. Jack was her first love, after all, (and her first first, if you get my drift), so she's a little jealous to see him with another girl on his arm--especially after Angel calls Charley a "day-old cookie." Still, it's all happy faces as the two of them leave for Niagara Falls, where they intend to be wed.
At least, that's what Jack thought was going to happen.
Things abruptly take a turn for the worse. Jack and Angel are attacked by Napoleon Brie's Dune Rangers, who try to capture the cyber-bikes. Jack holds them off--until Angel blasts him with a stun gun. It seems that the lady is working with Brie to get the bikes, which the insane fish will mass-produce and use in an attempt to take over Lawrence Limburger's Chicago territory.
The Biker Mice learn of all this when they come to rescue Jack and Angel, the latter of whom quickly captures them by holding Charley hostage. Vinnie, at least, derives some small pleasure from it all, grinning and telling Charley's former suitor, "You really know how to pick 'em, Ace."
But there are still more twists! Number One, Brie's answer to Karbunkle, feels so slighted by Brie promoting Angel to Number One's position that he defects to Limburger's side and helps lead him straight into Brie's office. Then Number One double-crosses Limburger, pulling a gun on him. But then Angel, who has apparently been working for Brie up until this point, knocks the gun out of Number One's hand, revealing that all this time she's actually been on Limburger's payroll.
Feel free to take a moment to update your scorecards.
Eventually, it turns out that "Angel" is actually a Plutarkian in disguise (a surprisingly convincing one, as it turns out). Her true identity: Romana Parmesana, the head cheese of Cleveland. She had been using Jack, Limburger, and Brie the whole time: she seduced Jack in order to get him and his cyber bikes from California to the Chicago/Detroit area, then used Brie to mass-produce the cyber-bikes, and finally, Limburger to wrench control of the cyber-bike factory out of Brie's hands. When all was said and done, she intended to use the cyber-bikes to take over both Detroit (Brie's territory) and Chicago (Limburger's territory). In theory, her success would so impress High Chairman Camembert that he would make her the Plutarkian Planetary PooBah governor of Earth.
Fortunately, the Biker Mice, Charley, and Jack managed to blow up the factory just in time, squelching everyone's ambitions. Jack was no doubt heartbroken by the betrayal, and it probably didn't help anything when Vinnie asked him with a devilish grin, "Are you aware that for the last few months you've been sucking face with a sturgeon?" Jack shouts, "D'OH!", but probably because he had just realized what else he had done with said sturgeon...
GREASEPIT AND CHARLEY
Episode: "Big Trouble"
Considering Greasepit's fairly continuous antagonism toward Charley throughout all 65 episodes of "Biker Mice," that this relationship ever even came about seems impossible at best, but it happened. Sometimes, a person just has to see someone in a different light or a different setting than they have previously, and then love begins to bloom. In this case, it was seeing Charley covered in grease from an exploding machine during a battle that did it. Greasepit was instantly head over heels, and set about a courtship made only slightly stranger by the fact that one of Karbunkle's devices had turned the goon into a 100-foot giant. In all fairness, the diesel-dripping doofus was pretty romantic--he brought Charley flowers and recited poetry to her (kinda). In the end, though, the lady didn't reciprocate, and Greasepit gave up, happily resigned to his bachelorhood.
SIR LANCELOT AND CHARLEY
Episodes: "Biker Knights of the Round Table" Parts One and Two
Given Charley's general no-nonsense nature when it comes to men and dating, it's amazing just how fast she fell for this guy. Then again, it's also amazing that she ended up in Arthurian England, so maybe her instantaneous crush on the famous knight isn't so fantastic given the circumstances. Charley was instantly blown away by Lancelot's chivalric behavior, but still bid him a fond farewell when the time came to return to the twentieth century. Whether or not Lance felt real fondness for the mechanic or whether he was just following the code of chivalry is never put down for certain. He does seem to like her, though, calling Charley his "lady." Either way, it was an interesting little subplot while it lasted.
MODO AND HIS WIFE
Episodes: none
This one has only ever been hinted at by Tom Tataranowicz. He mentioned it was part of a possible story arc in the nonexistent fourth season which would explain Modo's hatred of rats, how Modo came to join the Freedom Fighters, and why we haven't heard anything about Modo's wife up until that point (they would've been pretty young when they were married--according to Tom, Modo is about 23, and I'm willing to bet this was at least five or six years ago). Since the stories were never scripted out, Tom is remaining close-lipped on the subject. Popular speculation has it that Modo's wife was a rat who somehow managed to disguise her true form. My original theory was that she wasn't, but had a few friends who were. Although Modo distrusts them initially, he eventually warms to them: after all, his wife likes them okay, so they can't be too bad! Somehow or other, though, she ends up dead because of the rats. Ergo, Modo hates them with a passion. That's was my theory. But after reading Tom's comments once again, I'd probably say the "she's a rat" theory is right. But let's leave this one up to speculation.
You can read more about this and more Biker Mice trivia in the Unofficial Biker Mice Fan Club Guestbook's Collected Comments from him.
KARBUNKLE AND HIS EX-WIFE
Episodes: "Biker Knights of the Round Table" Parts One and Two
No, you didn't miss an episode. This one went by so fast you just might have missed it. In "Biker Knights of the Round Table Part Two," the wizard Merlin creates an illusion of a hideous, Medusa-like woman with his staff. Karbunkle is terrified by the sight, but not because of the sheer ugliness--it's because he was married to her. "Not my first wife!" he howls, terrified, leaping into Limburger's arms in fear. Obviously, it was not a happy marriage. And that's all I have to say about that.
"ASPHALT" JACK MCCYBER AND CHARLEY
Episodes: None, actually, but it's hinted at in "Virtual UnReality" and more strongly in "Hit the Road, Jack"
Just as Vinnie had his own hidden first love that he never discussed with Charley, Charley has one of her own that she's never mentioned to the Biker Mice: the story of the near-union between herself and "Asphalt" Jack McCyber. A skilled listener could read the cues in the words and actions of the former lovers in the two episodes they appeared together in (above), but the depth was unknown until series director Tom Tataranowicz posted a message at the Unofficial Biker Mice from Mars Guestbook, revealing, among many other things, that these two had been high school sweethearts, and were ever planning to get married before they decided to go their separate ways. But, as happens in this modern world, they drifted apart and went their seperate ways. Still, things ended amicably enough, and they're still friends to this day.
Read more about this at the Tom's Collected Comments at the Unofficial Biker Mice from Mars Fan Club.
VINNIE AND THE MASKED MOTORCYCLIST
Episodes: "The Masked Motorcyclist" (and again, in a way, in "Biker Knights of the Round Table" Parts One and Two)
There's nothing quite like a beautiful stranger to make the heart go pitty-pat, is there? When a mysterious female biker shows up in the Windy City, Vinnie quickly finds himself head over heels for her. Her riding skills and wild nature quickly blow him away—not to mention her skin-tight catsuit. And the fact that she never says a word and disappears without a trace at the end of every battle makes her all the more enticing. Vinnie is actually intimidated by her skill (although shyness is a trait that permeates almost all his relationships with women)! Charley, who has been Vinnie's only love interest up to this point, seems somewhat put out by all the attention the Biker Mice are showering on their "hot bimbette buddy (I love the alliteration in the dialogue!)." Eventually, though, in a shocking twist that no one with eyes a brain in their head couldn't have seen coming from a mile away, it's revealed that Charley is the Masked Motorcyclist (huh. She called herself a "bimbette."). It was part of a scheme she had to test a new bike she had been working on, and at the same time, to teach the mice (and the viewing audience) a lesson about chauvinism. One interesting thing to note: while Vinnie may have been a tad "unfaithful" to Charley in his crush on her while she was in disguise, but at the same time, it also reveals a side of her that he didn't yet know about: her wild, daring side. It may have contributed to his growing interest on her.
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