Janjan Observes a Family Gathering

I have known these fragile things you speak about
of hands clasped, holding on to golden chains
and yes, I too could speak well of fragility
with wistful smile, remembering humanity

A thousand tales of remembered meals, relate them to me
of how one by one Uncle took you by the hand and danced
Then children giggle as Lola sets free
a multitude of bills and token denominations of her love

Maybe then you too could look far back and remember
tracing lines of ancient ancestry
Then promise to meet again this December, and promise to me
that everyone will gather around the Christmas tree

Gaily wrapped will be these presents, and wide the smile of children present
counting the days 'til the hour comes, gifts unwrap and joy abounds
Adults lean back, listening to joyful sounds
of happy kids and squeaking toys, shrieking girls and giggling boys
one by one, relate them to me
the rustling leaves of your family tree

And I will sit back and ponder your tale
I'll smile remembering those stories as they too had happened to me
Treasure this joy, this one true thing
'Tis not forever, this happiness will bring
There are times when you too shall cry
But at least these days, you shall remember them by

God bless your family.

Sick of Eating Doughnuts
(a poem about perseverance)

He--
awaits the light, awaits the day, awaits the night of knowing
a furtherance... this broken shell
the singular moment rejoicing

Then time has come, you reveal to him
A fact suspected long before:
     There are secrets
      Yes, maybe even more

The face reveals nothing, but within his heart
     one tells the tale of sorrow
     and sings the songs that this pain brings
     awaiting death

     awaiting tomorrow

    waiting for the poignant break of day

Maybe there are truths that he is bound to never know
Perhaps understanding, he shall never achieve.

but he does not want to die

brave boy that he is, he does not want to give in
A tired soul, holding on to hope
and finds within himself
     a strength that he wants to believe in

(written during a boring interlude at Dunkin' Donuts)

dedicated to moshpit and all the hardworking CPA reviewees

 -  keep the faith and don't lose hope!

A Duet with Carrey Bradshaw
(an emotion masochist's lovesong)

You are not perfect
but you are beautiful
my eyes... my fingers
they weep to caress your face
and my words, they fail to satisfy
neither words nor paintings nor descriptions
not one
they all fail to capture the fragile strength
foisted upon your human shoulders
and the evenness
of your quiet steps

We who breathe in persistence
     and skulk about in shadows, yes we know
how it is to pine for grace that fails us
     and reach for beauty... then let it go
Yes we who eat a meal of bitter gourds
     and find solace in our own harsh strengths
with bent claws we reach for ghosts that haunt the air
     then tear at veils which beg to be rent
Yes we with blind eyes who turn to the moon
     and sing not the dirges of what harmony
Yes we who know of happiness too soon
     now turn to comforts of perjury

And by and by our great lament
    how the search for love drew us harsh and torn
and now this ends, another day spent
    fighting for substance and ending forlorn

Yes we who yearn for peace and draw the fight
     know not what dire fate has had
invoked upon the yowls of mad blight

     Another day unto this last goodnight

Clueless Pathetic Asshole

All is indefinite.

My sun, it seems, has ceased to shine

around me is bleakness: my past

What was I?

What I should have been

now it comes to screw up

all that I could be --

Incompetent.

Unprepared.

Lacking.  Futile.

My dreams have been for nothing I guess

Three letters, what does it amount to?

Not much.

Just a fancy little decoration

to add to an already tarnished name.

Jan Ralph Perez, CPA

Ha, what a laugh.

That and fifty pesos

     could get you a ride clear out of town.

'Twas Never Mine

To whose arms shall thou go tonight?
     and cast me not a slightest thought
          'tis not mine arms that hold thee tight
                what quiet pain this longing wrought

Upon whose bed thy head be lain?
     whose hands clasped in thine?
          I close my eyes, the saddest pain
               tonight thou sleepeth not in mine

Whose lips shall be pressed upon thee?
     whose breath shall perfume thy air?
          Tonight thou casteth no thought of me
               thou knoweth not my longing there

To be where thou art...
     I fear, not by my side
          Nay not by a million miles less
               and when thou closeth thine eyes to me

Tonight I die the quiet death

Red veins, tired eyes
     searching for a truth beyond darkness forlorn
          And when bright sun covers such skies

By morning again, alone

By then whose arms shall hold thee tight?
     whose hands shall be clasped in thine?
          when morning comes to end the night
               again day finds thou art not mine

Shudi Yads - 
The Love that Spoke Not Its Name
(dedicated to Dodong Moshpit)

You stride by the corner of my eye
and I watch you,
soft as a form, majestic
Powerful as a lion, erotic
Sensuous as an aphrodisiac...
Must I be doomed to love the man I could not have?

Must I reach for the hand that does not have
the imperative to reach out and cover my eye
and must you envelop the air with aphrodisiac
Impotent, you leave me with no choice but to watch you
Twitching as a phallus, erotic
within my heart a desire fierce, majestic

Your love is king, majestic
but mine is the love that you would not have
and thus is left resonance, erotic
a flickering temptation twitching the eye
absurd contemplation desiring only you
to plunge in the nexus of seas aphrodisiac--

such heady "Cool Waters", aphrodisiac
In times and climes majestic
I die in your absence, I collapse when I'm with you
The ideal wonder, might I never have
known what wonders lay at the corner of my eye
a sin, a grand damnation --- indulgently erotic!!!

Erotic by far, erotic by thought... erotic, erotic, EROTIC!
your smile is phallic, your words - an aphrodisiac
and must I be damned by the sins of my eye?
Should I burn all for want of a man majestic
My love... you are the Eden that Adam was not meant to have
my one desire... all is indefinite in you

Why must I not be... a soul chained and parceled to you
a stain on the altar erotic
as blood shed for martyrs, we might have
Engaged in a transgression in temptation by aphrodisiac
Transpired in a sin - orgasmic, neurotic, phantasmic, MAJESTIC!!!
Reaching for the desire reflected in yon' lover's eye

Your words are my bane, your smile an aphrodisiac
you have upon me an effect majestic
traumatic moment, you are the torture of my eye.

*Spinal's note:  This composition was a result of a challenge made by Christela

to come up with a homoerotic sistena poem.  The poet denies being a homosexual

but he acknowledges being a sexy dancer at the Scorpio Nights Macho Bar.