Hold On My Heart...

It had been heartbreaking to lead Beth off to bed, but Billy had been firm and she had finally allowed herself to be tucked in on Sam's side of the world. She had snuggled into his pillows at once, holding on to them as though they represented an entire world trying to get away from her. No doubt they did. I had stayed with her until she went to sleep, listening to her murmuring self-accusatory things about the huge disagreement they'd had before Sam left and finally she had talked herself to sleep.

Billy:  Poor kid.

Deb:  Say what?  Did I hear words of sympathy from the mouth of Strannix?
Could I take your temperature, do you suppose?

Billy:  Shut up.

Deb:  Sorry, Baby, I know how it is.  Poor kid what?

Billy stretched in Beth's chair, drawing a protesting groan from the
wooden frame.  He crossed his legs at the ankle and, at the other end, 
raised his arms and folded his hands behind his head.  He was truly a
sight to behold.

Billy:  Must be hard to find it and have it yanked away like that.

I knew he spoke from experience, but he would never admit to it on his
own.  My beautiful Billy...hardass to the end.

Deb:  Don't count him out yet, Billy.  He said you were an ornery old cuss
once and it takes one to know one.

Billy:  Well, Baby, it's not lookin' good.  It'll be a while before it
starts to look really shitty but the boy's not even officially missin' yet.
Happens a lot with these puddle jumpers, they don't have the VFR transponder
and nobody knows where the hell they are until they turn up at the airstrip.
It'll be tomorrow before anybody notices he never showed and then it might  
be too late for th' Old Dawg.

Deb:  Billy, don't say that.

Billy:  Don't wanna, Baby.  For the pipsqueak's sake, don't wanna.

I stared at him, silently, for long minutes.

Billy:  See anythin' green?

Deb:  Couple of months ago I'd have said your eyes...but no.  I'm just
wondering.

Billy:  Oh, hell...another major damned confession.

Deb:  No, just a question.  How serious were you about her?

Billy didn't answer right away.  He looked at me, searched me through
and through before he spoke.  I decided he was probably afraid to be totally
honest after what I had already put him through.

Deb:  Just asking, Billy.  It's not too often you see an ex-lover this...
intensely involved.  Unless he hasn't let go yet and I think we've already
established that you have.

Billy:  We'd damn well better have.  To answer your question, for a couple
of months I was damned serious, and I think she was serious about me, too.
But she couldn't be party to what I was doin' at the time.

Deb:  Which is what you're doing now?

Billy:  More of the same, yes.  She couldn't turn her back and ignore it
the way you do...bothered her too much to think about what I was up to when
I wasn't with her.  An' I ran my mouth, what else - she blew up at me the
way she blew up at the Dawg, and I thought if I ever wanted a chance of
getting her back we were gonna have to be friends for a while.  Only I
wasn't the one used to bein' cut off, I was used to doin' it.  So maybe I
hung on longer than I should've...and then to think of the girl goin' from 
me to a damned old cop!

Deb:  Nothing wrong with that damned old cop as far as I can see.

Billy:  Watch it.

Deb:  Not that I'd have him with the Roadrunner around.

Billy hit me with a familiar sort of grin, then got up out of his chair.
I met him halfway across the floor and for a long minute we clung together
while he tried to figure out a way to get me to the floor without dropping
me like a ton of bricks and I worked my way under his shirt to the warm
skin beneath it.  The throwrug in the office was about to take on a private 
history for the two of us.  I helped by lowering myself to the floor and 
pulling him down on top of me.  It was too chilly down there to undress,
with no blankets and only the little rug, but we did just fine around our
clothes.

Deb:  Billy...God...Billy, gotta get the phone.

Billy:  Hell with 'em.  Shut the damn thing off.

Deb:  It's...it might...it might be...

Billy's words were muffled.

Billy:  Who gives a damn?

I grabbed a handful of his dark hair, pulled his head up level with my 
face.

Deb:  I've got to answer it, baby.

Billy:  Goddam woman's fascination with the damn phone!  Go on, then...

Billy stalked back to his seat, but the look in his eye told me he wasn't
done with me yet, and I welcomed his ideas.  But I had to get the phone.  I
buttoned and fastened and hooked as I limped across to the chair, picked up
the phone and opened the flip, pressed send.

Deb:  Yeah?

I didn't stand on formalities with this phone.  Very few people had the
number, and those of us who did tended to be acquainted and therefore more
informal with one another.  While I spoke, I watched Billy, who watched me
and then did up his zipper.  Very. Slowly.  I swallowed heavily.

Sam:  Deb?  

Deb:  Migod, Sam?  That you?

Billy's head came up, his dark eyes bright and focused intently on me.

Sam:  Who the hell else would it be?  What are you doing there?  Where's
my girl?

Deb:  Sleeping.  Sam, she's a mess...

Sam had sounded like a man in enormous physical pain, but the mother
hen came back with a roar when I said that.  He was all over me like a 
rash.

Sam:  She okay?  She sick?  She...she need me?

Deb:  Definitely yes to the last, Sam.  And she's sick at heart...otherwise
fine.  She just woke up earlier tonight convinced there was something
wrong with you and I think she's more right than I'd like her to know.
Billy and I are here with her so she doesn't have to be alone.  You want
me to wake her up?

Sam:  I should let her sleep...but no.  Will you get her, Deb?

Deb:  Be right there.

I hurried to the bedroom, carrying the phone.  Billy got to Beth first
and had gently shaken her awake.

Billy:  Come on, Baby, wake up.  Somebody on the phone.

Beth:  What?  Sam?  Is it...

Her eyes were huge and fearful.  I handed her the phone, and tried to be
reassuring.

Deb:  It's Sam, all right, Beth.  We'll get out of here.  Come on, brother,
let her talk to her man in private.

I pulled Billy out the door and, to get his mind off eavesdropping, I
yanked on his trouser button.  He immediately made a bee line back to the
office, which was what I had hoped his little one track mind would make
him do.

Beth:  Sam?  Sam, are you there?

Sam:  Yeah...a little wet but right here.

Beth was afraid to ask her next question.

Beth:  Are you hurt?

Sam:  My leg.   Little bit.  What's this you've been up half the night?

Beth:  Unfortunate tendency I have when I'm scared half out of my mind.  I
woke up at two and you weren't here.  I had a dream...that you were calling
out to me, Sam, did you?

Sam:  I might've, Honey, I've said a whole hell of a lot the last few hours
and I don't remember a whole hell of a lot of it.  But Deb and Strannix
are there with you?

Beth:  They made me go to bed.  Sam, where are you?

Sam:  Don't know, Honey.

Beth:  It was the plane, wasn't it?  The damn plane...

Sam:  No, it was not the plane.

Sam's voice cracked, broke through the rising panic...but only barely.
He sounded weak, hurt and worst of all, lonely.  Beth knew the minute two
of those three conditions were rectified he would be back to his old self,
but in the meantime the sound of his voice broke her heart, especially since
there was so much that she wanted to say to him and she still had no real
guarantee she would have a chance to say any of it.

Beth:  Then what was it?

Sam:  The damn fool who thought he could fly through a thunderstorm with
two hundred hours solo flying time.  I should have set it down someplace
and called you but all I could think about was getting home.  I had to see
you.  I missed you.  I thought I could handle it.

Beth:  You can't handle everything, Sam.  I know you think you can.

And is the other night even able to rear its head here, she wondered.
It didn't seem to matter.  She didn't mean it as criticism and he was too
far gone to take it as such.

Sam:  That's the truth.  I can't handle being away from you for too long.
I know...

Beth:  Sam?  You still there?

Sam:  Listen, sweetie...can you get Strannix on this?  I...

Sam cut out again.

Beth:  Sam???  Bill is on it already.  You haven't been reported
missing yet.

Sam:  Then, please, baby, get on the phone.  I don't know how much longer
I can last out here...my leg must be broken in a couple of places and my
hip, too, maybe.  I've crawled...maybe a quarter of a mile, but I'm not 
sure which direction.  I'm wet clean though and it's getting cold.  I think 
I was blown east of the flightpath I filed.  I don't know if you're still 
at me or not, I hope...

Beth:  Sam?!

Sam:  You gotta move, Honey, I...

Beth lost the connection entirely.

TO BE CONTINUED...