HUMOUR

Yesilçam'dan Inciler                      -Guzel oldugunuz kadar kustahsiniz da.                      -Annecigim, ben bu amcayi cok sevdim. Ona baba diyebilir miyim?                      -Bana annemi tekrar anlatir misin babacigim? Senin annen bir melekti yavrum.                      -Neden agliyorsun annecigim? Hayir yavrum aglamiyorum. Gozume tozkacti.                      -Benim de senin yaslarinda bir oglum vardi evladim.                      -Seni sevmiyorum, seninle oyun oynadim, bunu anlamadin mi hala.(Aktor veya aktrist amansiz bir hastaliga -Genellikle ince                        hastaliga  tutuldugu zaman sevgilisine soyledigi ilk cumle.)                      -Annen sen dogarken oldu yavrum.                      -N'olur gercegi soyleyin doktor yasayacak miyim?                      -O kizla evlenirsen, seni mirasimdan mahrum, evlatliktan men ederim.                      -Nayir Necla, n'olamaz.                      -Hayir siz kovmuyorsunuz, ben vazifemden istifa ediyorum.                      -Tanrim, bu resim... Bu resim...                      -Ben fakir bir gencim, sen ise zengin bir fabrikatorun kizisin.                      -Biz ayri dunyalarin insaniyiz.                      -Aman tanrim, goremiyorum... Goremiyorum... Kor oldum.                      -Goruyorum... Goruyorum..                      -Evlenince pembe panjurlu bir evimiz olacak.                      -Aman Allahim, ne kadar mesudum.                      -Hayir.. Durun.. Kemal sucsuzdur.. Aradiginiz suclu benim.                      -Durun siz evlenemezsiniz. Siz kardessiniz!                      -Bizim bu dunyada yasamaya hakkimiz yok mu be hakim bey abicim. Ha?                      -Bu ses.. Bu ses.. Olamaz, git.. Git buradan..                      -Vucuduma sahip olabilirsin ama ruhuma asla.                      -Ustlendigin vazife cok muhim Kemal, bu gorevi layikiylayapacagindan eminim.                      -Ben kor bir gencim, hayatimi keman calarak kazanirim. Reca ederim duygularimla oynamayin.                      -Sen arkadasimin askisin.                      -Sizi ebediyete kadar bekleyecegim.                      -Lutfen haddinizi biliniz.                      -Metanetinizi muhafaza ediniz. Tanridan umit kesilmez.                      -Tanrim ne kadar bedbahtim.                      -Bana yillar once cilgincasina sevdigim bir kadini hatirlattiniz.                      -Babanin kanini yerde koma ogul.                      -Iste bana yazmis oldugun ask dolu mektuplar. Meger hepsi yalanmis.Al bunlari.                      -Hayir Tamer... Olaylar sandigin gibi degil.                      -Fakirsin sen! Fakir! Fakir!                      -Beni paranla satin alabilecegini mi sandin?                      -Bu resimdeki amca kim anne?                      -Sen kac yigidim, ben onlari oyalarim.                      -Hayir! Hayir! Tertemiz hislerimle oynadin benim.                      -Biliyordum.. Olmedigini biliyordum Rifat.                      -Oh ne saadet.                      -Yaa Justinyanus, iste buna Osmanli tokadi derler.                      -Yettim yigidim.                      -Yavrum Istanbul sana neler etmis?                      -Saadet dolu yuvamiza kara bir golge dusurdun.                      -Bizim gibi insanlar serefleri icin yasarlar, namuslari icinolurler. Ama sen bunu anlayamazsin.                      -Ben artik yarim bir insanim.                      -Cocugumun ameliyat parasi icin yaptim herseyi.                      -Aglamak istiyorum.                      -Demek ikimiz de ayni kadini sevdik.                      -Olmadi Neriman, yapamadim.. Seni unutamadim.                      -Ben sirtimda tas tasir, yine seni okuturum yavrum.                      -Soyleyemedim anne; babamin simitci oldugunu yine soyleyemedim.                      -Son nefesimde herseyi itiraf etmek istiyorum. Katil benim.                      -Demek askimiz bir yalandi.                      -Parayla saadet olmaz evladim, bunu sakin unutma.                      -Tanrim neden, neden ben?! http://www.teymur.com/komik/yesilcamdan_inciler.htm

Things You'd Never Know If It Wasn't for the Movies  (from Hollywood) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people - whether they are employed or not. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society,  and run an applications system that everyone is very familiar with. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish. Radiation causes interesting mutations--not to your future children, but to you - right then and there - or, over a period of time until you finally go crazy and kill people. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission, or anything else, at the age of 22. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly asses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, all of which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape. During all police investigations, it is necessary to visit a strip club at least once. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread and one bunch of carrots complete with leafy tops. It's easy to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. If staying in a haunted house, women must investigate any strange noises in their most diaphanous underwear, which is just what they happened to be carrying with them at the time the car broke down. If someone says, "I'll be right back", they won't. Computer monitors never display a cursor on screen but always say: Enter Password Now. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations. And none of your friends have to knock when they come for a visit. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone around you will automatically be able to mirror all the steps you come up with and hear the music in your head. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.