<BGSOUND SRC="begmebby.wav">

			The Boyfriend Handbook Chapter One
	I have been asked for a lot of advice lately. I'm not sure why all of the sudden there is so much confusion. And I am not sure if I am the best person to be asking. I have my life pretty much in order, but don't seem to be able to make sense of my love life. It seems to be the subject I get the most questions about. Love I mean. I am not sure what to say. The females I know ask how to treat there man or how to understand him...the fact that I do not possess a penis impairs my ability to give true advice. I can only give my impression. The males I know ask how to understand their women. They want to know what they want. What they expect. Why they are so difficult. I have to say, being a woman does give me some insight, but even I do not always understand us. What I can do is tell them what I have come to understand are our basic wants and desires. That is what this entry is about. So in reading this, please remember this is an overview. A basic bit of information and you must tailor this to fit your particular woman. What We Want: We want you to be nice to us, even when your friends are around. We want you to call for no reason. We want to know you are thinking of us when we aren't around. We want to know we are more important than the football game, at least the games that don't have the word "Bowl" in the title. We want to know we are worth fighting for, but we don't want you to fight with the guy at the bar that stared at us. We want you to NOT look at the hot blonde walking by when you are with us. We want to know you still think we are beautiful in the morning, with no make-up and messy hair. We don't care if you like our pets, but you must tolerate them and not bitch. You are not allowed to talk bad about our mothers, but you MUST agree when we do. We do not want to hear about the girl that came into your work today with no underwear on, because you are not supposed to notice that sort of thing anymore. When we point out the girl with no underwear to you, act surprised. If we ask you if some girl is prettier, skinnier, smarter, sexier, funnier than us, keep in mind your answer may effect whether or not you get sex later. The dress never makes us look fat, but the color might not be right. We want you to feel passionate about us, but be understanding when we aren't "in the mood". Beer and pizza is NOT foreplay. We want you to smell good. We don't want you to put us down. Try not to insult our friends, even the really annoying girl that picks on you; we know she is and we like you more for ignoring it. Be a man. Be a friend. Be a lover. Be soft sometimes. Don't let us walk all over you. Make some decisions. Don't ask us out then ask us what we want to do. Let us take care of you sometimes. Take care of us sometimes. Listen without giving advice sometimes. When our boss pisses us off, ask us if we want you to beat him up. Don't. Rub our shoulders. Let us lay our heads in your lap. Play with our hair. Remember there are erogenous zones that aren't covered by our underwear. Our biggest erogenous zone is our brain. Talk to us. Try to remember our favorite color. Remember flowers for no reason mean so much more than flowers for an anniversary or Valentine's Day. If you leave in the morning before we get up, leave us a note sometimes just saying good morning. Tell us you love us. If you can't, tell us you adore us. If you can't stop dating us, because you'll only hurt us in the end. Ask us how our day was...care. It's ok to talk about the ex-whatever, but don't harp on it and never compare us to her. Remember why she is your ex-whatever. Your ass looks great in those jeans is NOT a compliment, except when it is. Be a little in awe and a little afraid. Listen to us. Don't read into everything. Remember that what we said 6 months ago may not apply today. If you're not sure...ask. Don't get angry when we ask you how you feel about us. We aren't fishing for compliments, just clarity. Remember we are insecure creatures. Be careful with our hearts, minds, bodies, and souls. It's ok to fall in love with us. It's ok not to fall in love with us. It's important to be honest either way. Make us laugh. Make us smile. Try hard not to make us cry. Be honest. Remember we are not your Mommy. Don't make our decisions for us. Don't let us make your decisions for you. Stand up for yourself. Don't be stubborn. Give a little. Take a little. Compromise. Don't make promises you can't keep. Remember we are imperfect creatures. Tell us we look good before we ask. Be enthusiastic about seeing us. Make love to us sometimes. Have sex with us sometimes. Know the difference. Dance with us, slow, fast, whatever you are comfortable with, but dance. Even if it is just in your own living room. Especially in your own living room. Romantic is good. Romantic is easy. Romantic is not necessary all the time. Romantic is as simple as a flower on our pillow, a slow dance in the living room, pizza by candle light, running us a bath, climbing in fully clothed with us when we are in the bath. Be a little silly. Be a little serious. Be a lot you. Take a compliment well. Give one. That's it for now. I know that looks long, but it's really not. Ok so maybe it is, but there's nothing too challenging about it. The most important thing to remember is to listen, really listen.