“Hah, I knew you’d read that some day.”
Merry looked up, and couldn’t stop himself from smiling. Pippin looked good. Well, of course, he wouldn’t look too different, after just two weeks apart. But still. They were entering the dead of summer now, which meant it was almost a whole new season. Pippin was wearing a fitted blue shirt, just a little too short, with beat-up old jeans. New clothes, Merry noticed, and he looked hot in them.
“What can I say, it just came to hand,” he said, closing the book and setting it aside.
“How d’you like it?” Pippin asked, sitting down across from him after a small hesitation. Merry winced at that; Pippin had never been unsure around him. Not in a long, long time, anyway.
“Um. It’s…good. Not real far in. Ender’s a pretty cool character, though.”
Pippin smiled shyly. “Yeah, thought you’d like him. Can’t wait till you get to the ending.”
And uncomfortable silence. Merry figured he’d better get used to them.
“So,” Pippin said softly. “How you been?”
“Okay,” Merry replied just as softly, lying through his teeth. “I started teaching. Um, guess you figured that out. It’s okay. Mostly I just hang out in the apartment.”
Pippin nodded, and looked down at his coffee. “That’s cool. You always wanted to teach.”
“What about you?” Merry asked, trying to keep the conversation alive. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed Pippin, until he met those lovely eyes, heard that sweet voice. He was getting silly, he knew, but he really had missed Pippin, so much. More than he had expected, truthfully.
“I sold my electric guitar,” Pippin said, not quite meeting Merry’s eyes. “I’m drawing a lot--I’m getting a lot better.” He looked up briefly, smiling at Merry. “Been playing with colored pencils and stuff,” he explained. “Oh. Um. I work at Mom’s Tattoo Bar now, mostly nights. It’s okay. Pays okay and stuff.”
“Cool,” Merry observed. “I’ll, um, have to stop by sometime.”
“Yeah,” Pippin said softly, and another silence descended. “So,” he continued after awhile. “Um. I guess you’re wondering why I called you.”
“Yeah,” Merry said, staring at his own cup of coffee. “Kinda wondering, yeah.”
“I…I’m so sorry, Merry. So sorry that I left you.” The tears were audible in Pippin’s voice, but his eyes remained dry, his head tucked down so that Merry couldn’t see his face. “Please, please, can we give it another try? Just…just slow, at first, just dating a little. But…will you let me try, again?”
Merry’s heart leapt a little at Pippin’s words, even as it began pounding in his ears. Did he trust Pippin enough? Did he trust himself enough, not to drive Pippin away?
Slow. Pippin said they’d start slow. Merry could do slow.
“Yeah…yeah, I want to try again,” Merry said softly, and Pippin looked up, face alight with such surprised joy that Merry’s heart squeezed tightly.
“Merry! Oh, Mer, thank you. I’m so happy, I’ve missed you so much, and, just, thank you, I don’t deserve this but I was so happy with you, please believe me I really was and thank you!” Pippin’s words tumbled out, even as he sniffled tears back, and Merry couldn’t help but laugh through his own threatening tears, reaching out to touch Pippin’s arm.
“Pip! Calm down!” He smiled gently. “I’ve missed you too. But…let’s start slow, okay? Just take it easy at first. For me, please?”
Pippin blushed crimson, and looked down at Merry’s hand on his arm, and Merry could feel him shaking. “Of…of course, Mer. As easy as you want, just tell me if I move too fast for you.” He looked up, smiling shyly. “I can be as patient as you need, I swear.”
Merry mirrored the soft smile. “Thank you. I do want to give this a try, again. We…we parted on nasty terms, but I think it can be okay, again.”
Pippin smiled, and unwrapped one of his hands from around his coffee mug, and reached for Merry, squeezing the hand still on his arm. “I think so too, Mer.” He relaxed, suddenly, and Merry felt him stop shaking.
“So,” Merry continued. “We’re all caught up.” He smiled softly. “Levi misses you, I think. He still kind of hates me.”
Pippin giggled a little. “Awww,” he teased. “Poor Levi.”
“Poor Levi?” Merry huffed, but he was smiling. He and Pippin grinned at each other, and Merry’s heart gave a little jump.
“So, guess what?” Pippin’s eyes sparkled, as he began to tell Merry about the art classes he was signing up for that fall, about the music he was writing, the concerts he’d been to.
And Merry drank in every word, treasuring this happy, sparkling, grinning Pippin. His heart ached, a little, not quite forgetting the look in Pippin’s eyes as he walked out. Never quite forgetting, he suspected, but the pain there made him impulsive.
“Hey,” he interjected when Pippin paused for breath. “Why don’t you come over on Friday, and we’ll cook dinner or something.”
Pippin froze for a moment, then smiled cautiously. “That…that’d be nice, Merry. I have to work Friday, but not ‘til eight. Early dinner good for you?”
“Fine,” Merry assured him with a smile. “I don’t have class on Fridays, and my office hours are over by three. I’ll be home anytime after that.”
Pippin grinned. “I’m so happy for you, that you’re teaching,” he said softly. “You loved explaining stuff to me so much.”
Merry blushed a little. Actually, he was vaguely terrified of teaching, but so far it had gone well. “I did.” The past tense cut, more harshly than he’d expected but…the dinner invitation had used up the last of whatever it was that had brought him here, called Pippin back. He couldn’t give more, not just yet.
“Yeah,” Pippin said softly, staring at the worn wooden table they sat at, tracing a scratch with a fingertip.
The uncomfortable silence stretched, and Merry noticed they’d been there almost two hours--the time had flown by, he guessed, when Pippin had told him all about, well, everything and Merry…Merry had nodded, and smiled, and offered up his own life in little bits, not ready to tell everything.
Not that there was a whole lot to tell. He went to work, came home, read or watched TV and, more often than not, cried himself to sleep, missing Pippin most terribly late at night. On the weekends--all two of them, he wryly reminded himself--he stayed in, usually. Went out with Frodo and Sam once, and Eowyn and Faramir over once, but mostly locked himself away. Word of his and Pippin’s split had spread quickly, especially among the others they’d gone road tripping with. Aragorn had called him up the very next day, actually, and offered to talk, but Merry politely, quickly, turned him down. Pretending that there was nothing to talk about at that time had been just fine with him. At least, after getting completely, utterly trashed with Frodo, he could believe Pippin really did want to give it another try. And, a few bong hits later, he could also admit that he wanted to give it another try. That he felt raw and bare, without Pippin, that his heart ached when he came home to an empty apartment.
Merry wondered if Pippin had talked to Aragorn. Who he had talked to. Hoped he had someone, to help him, to try to heal the hurts they’d done each other.
“Merry?” Pippin asked softly, shaking him from his reverie.
“Sorry, drifted off.” Merry shook his head and smiled awkwardly. “Anyway. I should get going. See you Friday?”
“See you,” Pippin replied, softly. He stood up with Merry, and pulled Merry into a quick hug, almost too fast for Merry to return it. “Bye,” he said, with a smile.
“Bye Pip. Take care of yourself.” Merry smiled too, meeting those sweet green eyes before he turned to leave, several feet away before hearing Pippin’s soft “you too”.
Before he was halfway to the subway stop, Merry was already looking forward to Friday.