the internet advice column
Dear Crabbys Letters of the Month:
Dear Crabby,
Back in the '50s, everyone thought I was a Homo. Now in the '90s, I'm releasing an albumn of (my fave!)
Heavy Metal music to promote my new "macho" image.
Now, the only people who come to my shows are guys with crewcuts dressed in leather garments. They
seem like nice boys, and several of them invited me to a "Fisting Party" the other night and I plan to go.
My question is: Is a "Fisting Party" anything like playing "Twister"?
signed,
Pat Boone (not my REAL name)
Dear "Patty",
Yes, your first time being the "Fistee" will probably be ALOT like the game "Twister." By all means,
DON'T miss this party! Just consider it an "outing" so to speak. By the way, I noticed that you capitalized
the letter "H" in the word "homo", What are the Freudian implications of that?
Dear Crabby,
My Python boot was too tight. I couldn't get it off last night. A week went by, now it's July, I finally got it off
and my girlfriend cried "You've got STINKFOOT! - STINKFOOT darlin' - your STINKFOOT puts the hurt
on my nose!" STINKFOOT - STINKFOOT - I ain't lyin'. Can you rinse it off do you suppose?
signed,
"Hank" Zappa
Dear "Hanky",
Quit yer carpin'! You're DEAD! Dead people are supposed to stink. Geez.
Tell YOUR troubles to Crabby:
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