H*A*N--S*O*L*O*'*S--G*U*N
bang.
Han Solo's Gun started in the Fall of '95 at Concordia University, River Forest, Illinois, when Jon Frincke met Tim Dodson (commonly known as "Caesar Salad" or just "Caesar" or usually just "Caes"), who in turn met some guy named Tim Schlie, all of whom ....oh nevermind, no one cares. Point is, they flubbered around for a semester, and only got one song recorded, "Sloth Star," which is about some guy who lived on the floor where Jon and Tim Schlie lived. Everyone called him sloth. 'Cause he was ugly and stupid and ugly. He'd always walk aroudn the floor with his shirt off, which was one of the most disgusting things ever seen. Anyway, that's what the song is about. Eventually, the band even got a drum set, and everyone switched off instruments for different songs. Yup. Eventually, some guy they all called Tonic (because of his oh so slick hair and suave moustache) joined the band, too, although they tried their hardest to get him to leave. Basically, he was initially kept so that he could pay for everyone's food at nights. Nevermind. Anyway, the band only played one show, during the final week of the school year. Unfortunately they were the first to play and the only people at the show were a bunch of enthusiastic foreign exchange students, all of whom Tonic had some sort of "personal realtionship" with. Well, that last part is a lie. Also, for that show, the band actually practiced, like, almost every day for two weeks. They got a guy named Tony to play drums for them. The song line up was "Begin the Begin" by R.E.M., "Sled" by StarFlyer 59, "Sloth Star"--the one original song, "Weird Me Out" by Dandelion, and "Star Sign" by Teenage Fan Club. We made fun of Tonic's moustache all year long. The band is no longer in existence, as Caesar transferred to a different school. What a butt.
Here's a list of our songs, who played what, the lyrics AS FAR AS I CAN REMEMBER, and all that fodder:
Sloth Star
music by Caes, words by Little Timmy Schlie
bass, lead vocals--Jon
guitar, background vocals--Caes
drums--Schlie Balls
Come on in! Where you been?
Shut your mouth, you're in for it.
(I think there's more here, I don't remember)
Tell me how to be like Sloth Star
Don't you want to be like Sloth Star?
Tell me how to be like him!
Tell me how to be like Sloth Star!
Far away and trying so hard
Don't you wanna be like Sloth Star?
FALLING!
(I don't remember the second verse, although I'm pretty sure the line "Jim's on dope" is in it)
[repeat CHORUS & all that]
SWIMMING!
[third verse, again I forget, and then the bridge/chorus, etc.]
TIME TRAVEL!
The line-up live had Jon on guitar and lead vocals, Caes on rythm guitar #1 and background vocals, Tonic on guitar #3, Schlie Balls on bass, and Tony on drums.
click here to go to the top
Begin the Begin
originally performed by R.E.M.
guitar, vocals--Jon
guitar--Caes
bass--Timmy Schlie
keyboards--Tonic
drums--Tony
click here to go to the top
Sled
originally performed by StarFlyer 59
guitar, vocals--Caes
guitar--Jon
bass--Timmy Schlie
keyboards--Tonic
drums--Tony
click here to go to the top
Weird Me Out
originally performed by Dandelion
guitar, vocals--Jon
guitar--Caes
bass--Tonic
drums--Tony
click here to go to the top
Star Sign
originally performed by Teenage Fan Club
guitar, vocals--Jon
guitar--Caes
bass--Timmy Schlie
keyboards--Tonic
drums--Tony
click here to go to the top
Jazz Fest '86
music & words by Schlie Balls
bass, vocals--Little Timmy Schlie
drums--Caes
Welcom to our fabulous party!
Won't you stay and have some fun?
We have (something) and h'our derves
And a really kickin' band
Second verse, same as the first!
[repeat first verse]
This one's for grandma!
[repeat first verse]
[this went on for a while, until Schlie Nuts ran out of things to say]
Hit it, Caes!
click here to go to the top
Sunny Day Sun
words & music by Little Timmy Schlie
guitar, background vocals--Caes
vocals, (bass???)--Timmy Schlie
drums--Jon
I totally forget the words, except the chorus, which went "Sunny Day Sun!!!" for a couple of times.
click here to go to the top
King Kong
words & music by Caes
guitar, vocals--Caes
crap, I forget what everyone else played. Oh well, it was a pile of crud song anyway.
You're so big
You're so strong
You're so mean
You're hair's so long
You're so strong
King Kooooooooooooooooooooong (x6)
You stole the girl
You stole that girl
You stole my girl
You stole that girl
You stole my girl
King Kooooooooooooooooooooong (x6)
I forget the last verse. I'm sure it was as good as the first two, though.
click here to go to the top
there is one other song which was recorded by Tonic, Tim and Tim, but it really can't be considered a Han Solo's Gun song. I don't know why--it just can't. It's called
Tattoo Zoo
music by Caes words by Caes & Schlie Balls
guitar, singing--Caes
bass, spoken word--Schlie Nuts
programming--Tonic
[this part written and sung by Caes]
pudding and smack in my pack
sugar cane daddy sure it fatty
smoke signal orange pourin' through da porridge
that's the best ryhme of all time
somebody somebody somebody help me
me and my fanny pack family
are lost so lost lost in the tattoo zoo
cheezits and soda beverage, how I long for them!
drug crazed doctors, Motley Crue
choose your OWN adventure in the tattoo zoo
smack sweet smack, that's my lick!
acid rain beauty test, tickling the lil' beast's toes!
pop the can, pull it right back
chug chug chug on that tattoo zoo
come 'ere Tonic, with the old smoocheroo
shake your rump shaker in the tattoo zoo
insert whistle and power metal solo here
[this part was written and spoken by Timmy Schlie]
you need a hammer and a box of nails
3 dozen 1 by 6's and imagination
find a friend, step once to the left
plan ahead to make the day more productive
ask yourself these questions:
Is this the proper location?
Did you plan the budget right?
What about a room with a view?
What's your middle name?
be sure to shake hands and turn around
share the load and look out for one another
in the end there should be a fine tree house to hide in
take it all in,
grab a ladder,
and achieve your personal goals
click here to go to the top
I'm pretty sure we had a few more songs, but I don't remeber 'em. Oh well. Yup.
*high five*
-Timmy ("Caes")
p.s. Oh yeah, we also figured out the best way to dress up as Boba Fett for Halloween. All you gotta do is put a gum drop on your head.
p.p.s. That picture at the top is just some guy that was in my spanish class in high school. He has nothing to do with anything.
