It's a odd feeling
being trapped in you know not what
which is painful and all consuming
and yet almost liking it to the point
that you don't struggle
and you don't fight
and you stay silent, though really inside
you most definitely know better and that you should be puting up some resistance.

It's an odd feeling
like your head slamming into a concrete slab
when the point finally gets across to you
that it's simply over...
or that really, if you really really want to dissect it...
it never actually happened to begin with,
and that you're just some frustrated bastard with a runny nose and tired hands.

No one else is in your head but you when it all comes to blooming fruition.
There's no one to confirm or deny.
You basically just have to sit down and try to be as impartial as you can
and just fucking say to yourself...
"well, that's the way it is."

"That's the way it is", and it's an angry gay pitbull with a horny twitch and a mean case of herpes, you think.
And you see oppurtunity there, RIGHT there, even
and just don't fucking understand what could have went wrong
to foul everything up
and bring everything down.
So what do I do?
Well, I get all ready to run my hands through my hair,
and it's just not there anymore.
I get all ready to call up a near and dear friend,
only to remember they're not there anymore,
but are left dead from their own confusion on much less important matters.

So there's the stone cold silence of the room I dwell in,
which, while the room is populated with other people...
I'm alone in my head with realizations I don't want, and thoughts I don't want, and feelings that are definitely out of place now, considering all consequences, liabilities and conflicts.

Truth and gravity are a massacre. Lies save freckled lives here and there.
through it all, I don't understand why and still think I have done everything RIGHT.

When it all comes down to it,
I drop my head into my hands and wonder why while I try to fend off tears and the ultimate breakdown.
And it's definitely an odd feeling.

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