Bad Head.

I've never had good head. I know, I know... ‘With YOUR attitude you never will!' Yeah yeah, eat me. But I mean, this is a genuine complaint of mine. From the populous of female people I've met and talked with about the subject, they've mostly said they don't like to give it... you can't even get them to charge for it, tried that too. But then, I find these other people. These other females... the small minority that can dig it. And you know what? Before knowing these this about these girls I've wanted them anyway. BUT, these are always girls you can't get... or else I can't get anyhow. These are girls that I don't try, because it would just be suicide. They wouldn't bother with me, it's just that simple. Now, I'd just like to paint a picture for you. I *have* had head, don't get me wrong. It was only ever... okay... at best. At best. There's been times... too many damned times when I was just there thinking to myself, ‘What the hell is she doing?' and have had to do the tap. Yeah, the tap. The tap on the shoulder or head that just says... okay, we're bringing in a relief pitcher... my hand. You just... make some noises or something. Now you say, but Doc... there's no such thing as bad head! It's like having... bad pizza! No such thing, m'lord!
Oh ho hooo no.
There's bad bad BAD head.
Bad head of course starts when you, as the penis bearer KNOW she's not wild about doing it. This creates a mood of half-assedness, all about the room, or car, or closet, or whathaveyou. Now, the beginning, the actual beginning after that isn't that bad. You're there, you're erect, her head's at your zipper level... things are going good. And the initial visit into the mouth... great! It's cool when the girl puckers her lips, so it sort of feels like going into something else that's ummm... tight. But that's as far as my pleasurable head experiences have gone. It's all downhill after that, until I regain manual control of my wang that is. This is the beginning of bad head.
Bad head for me entailed four different sections. There was the auditory, the visual, the feel and the knowledge. The knowledge I've dipped into a little. If you know the girl doesn't like doing it, but she does it anyway, then you sort of feel bad. So thats a downer. I don't know, it's been years... holy shit... years? Oh fuck... I need a moment... years? Fuck! Well, umm... shit... what was I saying? Oh yeah... it's been years since I've had it, so maybe she likes it now with whoever she's picked out of the white trash receptacles in her building, I don't know. And unless he's an asshole (like we know most girls go for anyway) then he doesn't like to see the girl doing something she doesn't want to do. Also, for me... she'd try too hard. That was part of all four, actually. The feel is hard to explain... it was just boring, so I'll skip that and go back to the first two, audible and visual.
Now I've explained this a couple times to a friend of mine. He didn't understand the concept of bad head until I told him what I'm about to type. With my experience... there was snorting. Ugh. God, everytime she'd get down there, her nose would start to run. She'd stop for a second or two and snort it back into her head!! Now that's attractive in a blow job. And of course, there were other noises. Slurping, suction... and I don't know why. Nothing ever felt differently. Just these fucking kinky dentist noises spewing all around the room. I'm sure a couple times I just shook my head at them. And another thing? Her eyes would start to water, like she was allergic to small penises or something. So then, when her eyes blurred enough, she'd pull off and start to pull me off. Now, I've never met a girl who could do that. Not one. Not one girl can manipulate a penis manually better than it's owner. You can try to show them how ( I did) but it's never quite right. So there would be this rough, clumsy pulling and yanking which would often just plain hurt between interludes of misplaced saliva and watery eyes. Just take that all in, boys and girls. Snorting, dripping, oozing, slurping head. Well, that way it sort of sounds good, but God no. And you know what killed me? I was always awesome at oral. Just fabulous. The first time I even bothered to bother with the clit itself I got a forceful ejaculation on my face for my trouble. Shot me right in the chin. Geez. I hadn't shaved either, I remember that. Geez, I didn't mean to get this gross. All I wanted to do was expose this problem to the miniscule percent of the population that ever gets stuck viewing my page. Bad head is a scourge of teenage years, happening in countless bedrooms nationwide. I guess the only real solution that could come close to curing this not-too-painful sexual plague is communication. But that just didn't work for me. And it's not like we didn't try. I was able to take in everything she told me, it just didn't work the other way around. I don't know why. I suppose if someone's objected enough to something like that then it just never gets any better.

Pity. A true pity.

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Jan/2000 Update: I now get phenomonal head. Fuckin' A.

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