What the fuck are you talking about Johnny?!

What am I talking about? I'm talking about BALDNESS.
Yes folks, thats right, as if being born with small genitals and a big, fat, unpleasant, opinionated mouth wasn't enough... I'm dropping hair like it's going out of style. This big fucking mane of hair I got going for me right now, it sheds like a motherfucker all over the place. I got dual baldness going on too. Yeah, not too shabby, I get dual shafts inserted directly into my ass. Not only am I getting that stupid receeding corner thing, I'm thinning out sumptin' wild. At 20. You know, I really can't *WAIT* to see what next year has in wait for me. Severe, week long constipation, which preceeds my first ENIMA? Possibly a stroke. Hey, maybe the scaly thing on my shoulder is cancer! Hooray! Fucking wonderful, lets have a ticker-tape fucking parade! You know, I could handle it if it was coming in like 10-15 years, you know? I was pretty much expecting it.
People are more than minutely retarded where ever I go too, you know. I always get the same piece of crap, shitbrained logic... "Is your mom's father bald? No? Then you won't be either, because you get your hair genes from your mom." Oh THANK YOU you buck toothed, inbred, cum-guzzler. I guess this stripe down my head is all in my mind, eh? Fucking idiots. It's just like anything else about me, you know. Don't fucking tell me I'm not balding you arrogant sons of bitches. How about you and your goddam scientific principles work on something more important than proving to me that I can't possibly go bald? Something like getting that cock out of your eye could use your attention a little more. That's the only good thing about going bald. It's telling stupid munchkin assfucks that, no I'm sorry... your little urban legend bullshit just don't hold up in court, and I sentence you to be a useless dumbshit with severe VD for the rest of your McDonalds working life. So fuck off baldness, fuck off all of you, and I think I'm done.
And I'm going bald, kiss my ass.

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