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As powerful as I am, as fiercly commited and omni-present as I am sitting here, one thing defeats me every time. The confusing combination of ignorance directly in front of my face, a shameful, personal, hidden-away hatred of my own juvenality is as lethal as any bright murderers poison. My own emotions act against me as corrosive acid eating me from the inside out while trying to keep calm. I get pounded with agonizing lunacy from people who should know better. But of course, they are now experts at pushing my buttons. And so they push. They push like a tired pregnant woman, they push with the force of a marine swinging a sledge hammer. My skin breaks and wants to fall off, but a hastily strewn web of highly conscious resistance keeps me looking human. My rage, disappointment, frustration, and despair reach insane proportions as I finally try to speak a rebuttal. It is misread. It is misunderstood. It is simply too delicate. I smile and wave it at myself as my sanity leaves the room as it has done too many times before. My teeth grind and clench, my muscles tighten and I realize how much easier this "conversation" would be if I was holding a loaded 12 gauge. I can feel it building throught my entire body. The urge to escape drifts away from me, and a violent fever sets in. Behind my eyes, in my ears, all throughout my neck and shoulders I feel the dull heat and throb of bright violent tension.
I hate idiots.
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