They're all leaving me. Its hard to take, it really is.


They're actually going. They're actually going away to their colleges and universities while I rot here for another year. My Lord, it's scary. I should be going away myself, but as a result of poor planning and slacking off... I'm actually going back to high school. I don't think I could really take university yet anyway, but still it hurts to see people leave me here. They don't really see what I'm going through since they have so much happening in their lives. Tonight I came home from a night with a couple of homeboys, drunken father in the living room and all, just feeling an irrational feeling. Its like I will be left behind from everyone, no matter what I do. I mean, tonight I caught up with a dude I've known since grade 8... and it was the last time I'll see him in my home town in the next two years or so. Man, I realized that and could only thrust an awkward hand through the car window and try to hold on to all I'm losing. He'll be gone in about 3 days, maybe less I think. I'm going to miss you Goo. Someone else that I just met this last semester of school is already gone. Because I think she's too good for me, I lost my last chance to hang out with her for quite a while. I just met her too, its such a damned shame! I'm gonna miss you too Heather. And from my core group of friends, the guys who are always hanging about... I'm losing three of them to post-secondary schooling. Frig, I don't know what I'll do without the Mother of Invention, the Pudding Dude and Kenny, the Sugar Plum. Plus the Donut King is going to be driving to school far far away everyday, so I'll see so little of him, and another friend will be a daddy soon, so he's all but out of my life. I thought I asked so little out of life... friends to be around, a girl to care about and maybe a little punk rock. Well... I'm one for three now. It's so sad, so scary. The last time I was without good friends was a long time ago, and I don't ever want to feel like that again. Okay, I can go without a girlfriend. I can keep optomistic without my dosage of punk... but I need friends. I may get frustrated with them, they may irritate the hell out of me sometimes, they often times screw up my life, but I love these guys. Yes, even the Pudding Dude. I can't be the only one going through this I know, but its so hard already and most of them haven't left yet. Lifes a real bitch sometimes, I'd rather go most anything than part with my friends, be they big losers or not. I'm probably making too much of this and I might not even notice after a month. I might even be able to get some decent sleep after I finish writing this at 2:42 in the morning, but it hurts now. After my handshake with Goo, it hurt. When Ken leaves tomorrow, it will hurt again. And again with the 'Dude, and so on. I'll just be one big f-ing sore spot when school finally gets back in for me.

N.F.O. forever,
Joel, Ron, Chris, Doug, Frank, Ken and me.

Ah fuck, my eyes are starting to go...

Crap... somebody get me a fucking hanky...

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