Sometimes I wonder if you would forget any of the 30,000 things I have done to you. Sometimes I wonder if Iever did anything right in my whole life. Sometimes I feel so happy I could burst, but then I remember you, far and away from me and all I feel like doing is crying and taking the time to hate my own black guts. And then all I want to do is be alone because that's all I deserve. Sometimes all I think about is you and me, and how I fucked everything up, and it will always be me that continues to fuck everything up. And you don't know how much I wish it would just go away and that you never had to meet me because lets face it... I'm a jackass who needs to be left alone to rot in his own hell he created. I just want to hatch a brand new face for you if you have to have the misfortune of ever seeing me again. Sometimes all I think about is you and me. I'm sorry I'm a sellout, I just always wanted to be the one to make the pain go away, but what I never saw was that I am the source of the pain anyhow. I wanted you to think I was a hero, because believe it or not, thats all I wanted to be. I wanted to help, but I guess I came sort of short on that one, didn't I? Yep. And I'm sorry I can't be who I want to be the most, so I just keep getting in the way of everything, over and over again. I'm just a great big neon distraction along side the road that once said something original, but now my lights are dim and my message is blurry. My feelings were too much for me, thats not an excuse I know, but only the truth. All I can do now is say I'm sorry, and ask if it was always me... was it? I was always too busy thinking I was sure I knew what was right to hear your voice I guess. If you never read this, well, that just makes me sadder and makes me want to hurt myself. If you do, then I just don't know. You were something beautiful before I had to involve myself like that, I mean what the fuck was I thinking? No one can leave well enough alone I guess. I remember everything late at night and I just want to break everything I see. I just get so angry and fill up with so much despair... I just want to be alone and make sure no one else suffers the same fate that you had to. I then want to keep the people who would have enough pity on me to call me 'friend' and find no more, infect no more. How could everyone be wrong and I be right? How could it be that my opinion of myself is the right one if everything and everyone else points to something else? The answer is I can't. I guess I've lost it. I've lost my punk, never say die attitude. Well, that was when there was something worth fighting for, wasn't it?

Go here, I have nothing more to say at this point.

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