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The fat kid waddles across the busy road as soon as the little white man on the sign tells him to. He wishes he was more like the little white man and less like a big white whale. He mumbles to himself, "dammit, my first Weight Watchers meeting and I'm fucking late!" You see, he would be a rapper, except for the fact that he can't find clothes that are too big for him. Hell, it's hard for him to squeeze his enormous thundering (sometimes louder than others) ass into quadruple XL overalls. His mom has to spray him with Pam and slip him through the door before he licks it off himself in the morning. Crossing the road (and warping as he does so), he spies a handsome young superhero and can do nothing but stare in penis envy and pray in agony that he can slim down to triple the young punk rockers weight. He realizes he is staring, slightly in a homosexual manner and quickly tries to cover his ass (with what, a dump truck?) with inane machismo and lame swearing. "What the fuck are you lookin' at you fuckin'--" But he has no time to finish his semblance of a sentence. He has a knife pressed to the swell of his jugular, if you can dig that, or even if you can't I suppose. Yes friends and neighbours, fat boy has put his miserable life in jeopardy ("I'll take idiotic rappers for 200, Alex..") with an exquisitely perfect move in foolishness. Punkboy says nary a word, only stares into the newly brightened eyes of the Incredible Pudding Dude and smiles a smile to chill the spine of the devil himself. Fat boy is now jell-o at the knees as well as... well, everywhere else, and begins to blubber. He wails like a banshee in heat until horns begin to blare. The walking white man has been replaced by an orange hand with a few burnt out spots saying, "Don't walk, dammit!" He thinks punkboy has to let him go now, traffic is important after all. Choking back tears, the Lord of Lard says, "uhhh... Sorry." Punkboy lowers his knife and walks away, eyes still locked with someone who is going to change their underwear as soon as they possibly can.
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