It started a little under a year ago, and has never stopped. I still remember every maddening detail of the day it began. A phonecall from heaven began it, and it ended with a conversation with satan himself, to start the pounding. The muted tv flickered in the corner all day, something was wrong with the picture tube on that set I remember as it gave off its flashing waves of addiction. I made no effort to stop it. It was the constant of that day. The only one that has been since, other than the pounding, and my clinical depression. I wish I kept that damn tv. But I didn't. I threw it out, for something newer, of course. But the pounding, the pounding... ahh, such a noise. Such a maddening, sickening, disgusting noise. I leave the room I call my home and it stops. I enter and it begins, never skipping a beat from where it left off.
thud-failure thud-disgrace thud-rot rot ROT
The last call that day, the call that started and ended things, I cried. I did more than cry, I went beyond crying. I bled. My nose bled, my mouth bled, I bled. Because things made me. Because this place made me. Because... I made myself. To know I was still alive. A dead heart bleeds no blood. Technically, I am alive, although I tell myself the opposite. I do not feel any life in my veins. I lay in a tattered bed, staring at the celing at night, listening. I listen to the
that God has seen fit to afflict me with. With a frozen, tingling sensation in my extremities, I lay there awake, contemplating, wondering. The phone call. I guess I haven't explained very much. It was a female voice, but if it was a woman on the line then I have irresistable sex appeal. The voice was simple, it was grating, it was a sick sick perverted version of human. To be human itself is sick enough, yet this was beyond human in it's grotesqueness. It told me things, not listening to what I tried to say back. It said I was worthless. It said I was useless. Ugly. Stupid. Ignorant. Evil.
For a split second I believed, and now the pounding will not stop.
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