"You mean you were serious?"
Chapter VI: the Psycho.
This will be a tough one to write. Not only because the Psycho is such a strange little creature, but because the heading could very well read Chapter VI, VII and IX, or something along those lines. This wench was a recurring thorn in my side. Hmn... a canker on my tongue would actually be a better metaphor. I don't actually fully recall how I first came into contact with this harlot. She was a year younger than me, a sister to a flexible friend of mine who went by the name of RoboTodd. How the hell did I meet her?! Geez! I really have no clue. All I know is that at one point I had a drama class with her. And at one point she was seeing the Pudding Dude. Seeing like I see girls, too, not in any meaningful way at all. She was a pretty young thing, though I'll admit I did have at least one big weakness in her looks that I loved to exploit whenever I could. When we became friendly enough for it not to be awkward, I'd grasp her head in my arms, and would fervently polish and shine her forehead quite thoroughly. And I'd do it all the time, I could help it... she had a big, shiny forehead. It was really quite a sight. But it seemed she was completely unaware of this. Once I remember I was speaking to Annoyinggirl in the hallway by my locker, and at this time the Psycho's locker was right next to mine. We must have been having some kind of little dispute, because the Psycho out of nowhere piped up, "oh, be careful! He might shine your forehead!" When she left Annoyinggirl chuckled and said to me, "I guess she doesn't really know what's going on, does she?" alluding to her ignorance of the fact that I only did that to her because of her giant forehead. So that's what I did. Every chance I got I shined her head and laughed and laughed. It was always a crowd pleaser too. Bobson the Movie Cop dug it, since he always had a rather... animated... relationship with the Psycho. I guess with all this negativity I should say something good about her. Well, here it is. She was the best kisser I ever had. She was alternatingly discreet and ravenous, a welcome change from the messy messy Reboundgirl. Hey, you know, this hasn't been so hard to write after all. The worst thing I did to her might be a toughie... that comes later, however. So in it's first incarnation, we had a relationship where we'd squeeze parts of each other, and make out in doorways. It was only at school, but it was kind of fun. Kind of really fun. She went down my pants once in the middle of a crowded hall. My little adopted brother said to me later in the day, "Did that chick really go down your pants?" Finally I when the year came to an end I wrote in her year book saying that she should really ask me out sometime. She never did. I talked to her over the summer until that became annoying to me and she would be fairly unresponsive. After that, we seemed to just become friends. She would come to me for advice on things, and we'd eat lunch together, and it was also fun that way. But then things went weird. She would have rapid changes of mood for no reason. She would completely ignore me or tell people to hate me, some times right in front of me. And there was something about being gay...? It was all very strange. And annoying. So that was enough for me. I stopped bothering with her at all. Then came a time where she changed again and acted as if she was my best friend. And again to the evil, and again to the friendly where it finally came down to the end of school completely, and she was indifferent, yet leaning to dislike. We had shared saliva, squeezin's, opinions and a game of bottomless twister. It was the end of the year. The last time I'd see her, most likely... so I thought I'd share one more thing with her. By some strange twist of fate I had her locker combination. On that last day of school I simply asked my friend the Pedophile, if perhaps he wanted to witness something I thought would be humourous. He of course did, so I promised him something nice. With the spark of an idea in my mind, I drank back the apple juice I had with me and waited. Waited. Waited. Ahh, there it was. With a monkey of a smile, I went to the closest washroom with my very empty juice bottle. I don't think I have to go into any detail of the events that followed, I think I can just say that the bottle was not quite empty when I left. So with a childish grin, my friend looked to me with great joy.
"What are you gonna do with that?"
And I smiled and smiled.
And I opened the locker next to mine, that of the harpy of injustice the Psycho.
But I stopped. It was near empty. A shuffle of papers at the bottom, no coat or anything of the sort to leave my offering in. So with a heavy heart and nothing to do with my bottle, I closed the locker door. But I something caught my eye as I closed it, and I re-opened the locker. And I looked to the top shelf. And I saw the whole of what had caught my attention. I brought it down from it's lofty position and my friend burst out laughing. It was red and round, and sealed.
It was a salad bowl. Empty, yes, but it was a salad bowl. With no angel on my shoulder to tell me to stop stop stop, I emptied the bottle in my hand.
And I closed the lid.
And I put it right back from whence I found it.
And we laughed and laughed until it hurt, because I'm childish and always return favours...
It's just that some people don't know that until it's too late. So the lesson with the Psycho? Revenge feels damn good. She had tie ins with Shorthairedredhead and in a way with the Pantsstealer. She tried to stand in the way of the Pantsstealer and I, becoming very defensive when the Fakegirl actually did try to flirt with me. When the Psycho saw her about to do my hair, she about went into a nutty burst of psychosis and all but shoved her out of the way of my head of hair. But why, Psycho? Why? Was it that possibly from time to you realized how much you fucked up with your chance at me? Hmn... strange, izznit?
Chapter VII: the Tease.
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