Yesterday, I was going to write something positive about girls.

Today is a much differrent day.


Okay, this is interesting. So I worked a couple days ago. I was at work for about 12 hours in total. There, I spoke with the other busboy, a charming lad he is. We were talking about work, and who was still left around to talk to. Well, we got to one girl that works at the bar, who I happened to ask out a while ago. Yeah, I asked her out a while ago if I haven't mentioned that. Well, if you haven't read the stories, supposedly I caught her 2 weeks after an important relationship had ended. Oh, well, yeah, alright. Another example of my terrible terrible timing. BUT she said yes anyhow, and I was damned ecstatic, I was! The next week, before my schedule was clear so we could do something, she changed her mind, and I understood completely. I did, really. It was like the first time I actually did. Well, I *thought* she got back together with him, with the original dork. Nuh uh. No sirreebob. It would have been okay, not good, but okay if she had. I could at least understand that, stupid move as it would have been. People DO break up for a reason, you know... and get back together anyhow. Yes, as ridiculous as that sounds ladies... there's a reason you broke up with ol' Mongo. Either you didn't love him, or he hit you, or he just didn't care about you, OR CHEATED, OR SMELLED BAD, OR HAD ONE EYEBROW... there was a reason, I don't care, there WAS a reason! FACE IT AND DON'T GO BACK WITH HIM. But anyhow, thats now what I'm here about. Well, not completely, thats a friend of mines story, as well as an old foe of mine... screwing myself over with my bad timing I mean. My recent story: She turned me down, but for someone else, I guess. Someone who asked her out after I did. Yeah, the busboy told me that, and I just wanted to hug that guy. I would have if I could have. I mean, he was honest. I wish he was here right now, I'd hug that little bastard. When she changed her mind, not wanting to see me, she made many hints that she was going to go back to this guy and was too fragile for anything else, and kept telling me she "didn't think she had anything to offer me" anyway. Bullshit, and I bet the second you read that line you thought the same thing, fearless reader. Whether you're male and you've heard that line, or you're female and you've used it, you know it's bull. Well I... I almost hate to say it, but I didn't believe it. It was NEVER bullshit to me until Saturday night. SHE wouldn't lie to me. NEVER.
Well, whatever. It was one of those things, those good things you believe in. Like when you're young and you believe in Santa Claus, because he's just soo damned good, and it would be so great if someone so selfless and good was real. Well, this girl(who is no fat, jolly Santa), she's "offered" me a hell of a lot since then. Well, more like dropped a load of crap down my throat. I should have got out my chick to english dictionary right there when she said that, you know? I looked that phrase up last night, actually. The translation is this:

"See, I'd date you if you were scum, but you're not. I've already told you I think you're probably one of the most intelligent guys someone can come across (which may or may not have been a lie, I can't remember any more), and you make me laugh my ass off... I feel really great around you and I've noticed you really do care about lots of things, but it's just that I really prefer losers without futures and big buck teeth. And I LOVE it when the guy has an extra chromosome or two and a sloping forehead."

Man, if I had looked that up sooner! Here's the deal, I know you're in suspense. She didn't go back with the guy. Not that one she was ENGAGED to, no no. See, thats what I thought the deal was. She went with another one... apparently she thought she had "something to offer" this one. Oh, and apparently this guy is crazy. Not crazy like me, but krazy. Whacked. Thats what my busboy buddy Adam told me. He knows the guy, knows what he's done. He's a job. Complete nutjob. Well, thats a nice kick to the groin anyways for Johnny Boy. She could at least give me a good lie, like something blatant, "No, you're fucking ugly." or something. Or something creative, "It's just that, well... your hair reminds me of my (sob) dead grandfathers hair... and I just can't be around you like that..." See, now that would be something. Yeah, that would be something. So all the while since then, I've just been walking around with a big grin on my face like a dork (okay, maybe not, but I've been in a decent mood, hence the absence of recent ramblings) and then this. Bah. I just wish I had someone else to talk to about this. OH WAIT, I DO!! Yes, my buddy T.M.O.I., another member of the Anti Breasted Menace Campaign, and dammit, my very bestest friend in the whole world.

So what I intend to do now is give a big Bravo! to *ALL* females out there for fucking over two of the nicest guys you would ever meey!

BRA-FUCKIN'-VO!!

Sometimes I think guys actually do have some extra brain matter in their dinks. Die Breasted Menace, die. Or at least... buy a fucking clue... or a heart.

Now if you're angry because you think this is a limited incident, obviously you don't have a set of damned EYES. This is far from limited. It happens as often as a tv channel gets switched anywhere in the world. It happens as often as someone gets shot on the street. It happens as often as I look around in disgust at the world I live in.

It happens, and damned if I know why.

And EVERY DAMN OPINION on this page is my own. Influenced by no one other than me. My opinions are all I really have, and I value them like my life. Don't you ever tell me these aren't MY ideas and thoughts, because I'll just be forced to piss in your gastank.

I thought someone else was human... what a fucking classic mistake I made.

So that leaves you with a question or two. Is the term Breasted Menace applied to only one girl? No. It is the whole segment of the female population, minus one who has confessed her sins. It is not just one person, the Breasted Menace is everywhere.
Do I hate this girl now, that I longed for so much? Well, actually, no. I don't know how, but I don't. I did, I know that. When Adam, my saviour, told me of the true story, I did. But you know what now? I just chalk it up to "Shitty, oh well." because really, what else can I do? There is no way for me to avoid the Menace my whole life, so I must be big and accept it. I chalk it up to another foolish move of the Breasted Menace and try to laugh about it where ever I can.
Another question is what do I do now? Do I still try for a relationship with the breasted menace? Well, I've said I can't avoid them, but no, I do not. I will not actively pursue a romantic relationship with a member of the Breasted Menace Society. If one befalls me(yeah right, with this attitude?), so be it, but I shall not pursue one. I will remain friends with the ones that will have me, and extend every courtesy I would to one with a penis. No more, no less.

Back or if this just bothered you, then you'll like this better. And don't forget to KISS MY ASS on the way out.

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