Kids' Deep Thoughts

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't
have any clean laundery because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last
day of thier life -- Age 15

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things
I cannot, and a great big bag of money -- Age 13

It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like
they do for the queen. Of course, we would have a lot of people voting for a
candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends -- Age 8

Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old
yokel vote -- Age 10

Home is where the house is. --Age 6

I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween-- Age 13

I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as some people
think he should be. Then, I remember its because he sucks-- Age 15

For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the
astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens
to cheese when you leave it out -- Age 6

My young brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried
under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him
the truth--that most of us go to hell and burn eternally--but I didn't want to
upset him -- age 10

I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself, at which
Socrates, Aristotole and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside
me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's right to die and
wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I live in the
country that has come the closest to Utopia, and I show him a copy of the
Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we have found many more than four basic
elements and I show a periodic table. I get a box of kitchen matches and strike
one. They gasp with wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts. --
Age 15

When I go to heaven I want to see my grandfather again. But he better have lost
the nose hair and the old-man smell -- Age 5

I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it was just a lawn
mower -- Age 11

I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I imagine that the wet
paint is a big freshwater lake that is the only source of water for some tiny
cities by the lake. As the lake gets drier, the population gets more desperate,
and sometimes there are water riots.  Once there was a big fire and everyone
died -- Age 13

I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found my dog.  Then I
tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all of his stuff.  Dog
people sure don't have a sense of humor -- Age 14

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes
each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up -- Age 7

Often, when I'm reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I
used to, until she got an unlisted number -- Age 15

It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident. No,
wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood would be right
there -- Age 5

Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if  you had
that many Twinkies. Wow, thats five more than the biggest number you could come
up with -- Age 6

The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe "Don't
you think its about time you audited my return?" or "Isn't it morally wrong to
give a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?" Age 15

Once, I wept for I had no shoes, then I came upon a man who had no feet, so I
took his shoes. I mean. it's not like he needed them, right? -- Age 15

If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for
an hour, just imagine how serene it would be until the looting started -- Age 15

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