Frequently Asked Questions

Q.  When did you start your homepage?
A.  September 1998

Q.  Why did you create it?
A.  To waste time

Q.  What was it like in the beginning?
A.  It was dull.

Q.  What's your middle name?
A.  Oscar

Q.  Really?
A.  No

Q.  Oh.
A.  Sorry.

Q.  What's your favorite food?
A.  Cheesecake.

Q.  Cheesecake is very fattening.
A.  Really, Einstein?

Q.  Yes, really.
A.  Wow.

Q.  Moving on...
A.  Good.

Q.  What is your major?
A.  I'm no longer in college, so I don't have a major.  I did study Vocal Music Education.	

Q.  Do you play the piano?
A.  Yes.

Q.  Will you play "My Heart Will Go On" for me?
A.  No, that song sucks.

Q.  What about "From This Moment On" by Shania Twain?
A.  No, that's country.

Q.  So?
A.  So it sucks.

Q.  Do you like ANY music?
A.  Yes, I like everything except...(big breath) Country, Rap, Heavy Metal, 
    Opera, Disco, Smashing Pumpkins, Monica, Brandy, Celine Dion, Jewel, Natalie
    Merchant, Melissa Ethridge, Mariah Carey, pineapples, peaches, pears, peas,
    Neil Diamond, John Denver, Aqua, No doubt, K-C and JoJo (however you spell
    that), Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, Garbage, Metallica, Marilyn Manson, Korn,
    ICP, eating crayons, eating disorders, disorderly conduct, conducting class,
    class basketball, Aerosmith, Loretta Lynn, Andy Griffith, and The Muppets.

Q.  Thank you for clearing that up.
A.  You're welcome.

Q.  Who's your favorite band?
A.  It's a tie Counting Crows, Jars of Clay, and the
    Beatles.

Q.  What about Bush?
A.  What about them?

Q.  Do you like them?
A.  Sure.

Q.  Well, I just noticed that you didn't mention them.
A.  Very observant.

Q.  Have you ever had alcohol?
A.  Yeah, after I turned 21.

Q.  Have you ever tried drugs?
A.  No.

Q.  Have you ever been skinny dipping?
A.  No.

Q.  Are you a nun?
A.  Very funny.  No.

Q.  Have you ever been sky diving?
A.  No.

Q.  Man, your life is dull.
A.  Not really.

Q.  Then what do you do in your spare time?
A.  I design my own line of clothing, compose full-length symphonies, critique
    Japanese horror films, solve Rubik's cubes, write biology textbooks, repair
    vacuum cleaners, experiment with AIDS drugs, and test rubber bands.

Q.  [long pause]  Are you lying?
A.  Of course not.

Q.  Yes, you are.  You MUST be.
A.  Think what you will.

Q.  I will.
A.  Good.

Q.  Fine.
A.  Fine.

[long tension-filled silence]

Q.  Um...can I ask some more question?  
A.  Whatever.

Q.  Come on, don't act like that!
A.  Act like what?

Q.  Like that!
A.  I'm not acting like anything.

Q.  Yes, you are.  Don't deny--
A.  JUST ASK A FREAKING QUESTION!!!

Q.  Ok, geez.  How many times do you go to the bathroom in a day?
A.  Three.

Q.  Do you have a car?
A.  Yep.

Q.  What's your favorite TV show?
A.  Who's Line Is It Anyway

Q.  Is that the awesome show where comedians do improv and Drew Carey is the
    host?
A.  Yes.

Q.  That's an awesome show.
A.  Ok, jerk-off, last question.

Q.  Hmmm...I've gotta think of a good one...
A.  Don't strain yourself.

Q.  OK.  I've got it!
A.  Yippee.

Q.  What is your advice for the next generation?
A.  Never give interviews.

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