There was Cole, my main, twelve;
And Chase, he was eleven;
Keith, Jr, goin' on ten;
And another was seven.

Billy Ray, Joe Carl and Kenny Jim
Were five, four and three:
And Mandy was a girl,
So we let her be.

We ran to the gun rack
That hung on the wall.
There were seventeen shotguns;
And we grabbed them all.

Vanessa was snoring
And needed her sleep,
So we crept out the door
Without making a peep.

Well, when we saw it;
I couldn't say a word.
It was just sorta like
All of the stories I'd heard.

It was Santy Claus on the roof,
Shure ‘nuff! Darn tootin'!
But the boys didn't know;
And they was about to start shootin'!

They aimed their shotguns
And nearly made a mistake
That would have resulted
In venison steak.

Well, I hollered out,
"Don't shoot, boys!"
That's old Santy Claus
And he's brought us some toys."

The dogs were a-barkin'
And kept on raisin' cain,
And then I whistled, and shouted,
And called them by name.

"Down, Blue! Shut up Bullet!
Quiet, Pete and Roscoe!
Git, Turnip and Tater
And Scratch and old Joe!"

"Git down from that porch!
Git down off-a that wall!
Quit shakin the house,
Or you'll make Santy fall!"

Well, Santy opened his bag,
And threw out some toys.
And, yeah, I got most,
But left a few for the boys.

Then Santy jumped in his sleigh,
Told his reindeer to hurry.
The house started to wobble
And Santa started to worry.

And just as the reindeer
Got in the air,
The house, it collapsed,
But I didn't care.

You see, I was busy lookin'
At all my new toys.
Then a thought hit me,
And I said to the boys:

"Go check on yer Maw,
And make sure she's all right.
That roof fallin' on her
Could-a hurt just a might."

But Vanessa was OK,
And Mandy was, too.
And we fixed up the house;
It looked good as new.

Now, I had a nice Christmas,
And the family did, too.
And us here at the Thomas house
Wish a Merry Christmas to you!