Tis the season for lion dancing! 013006

My CNY's been happy happy joy joy so far. How bout yours? Yanno, my family never really hella celebrated CNY back home. Just eat dinner with the relatives, which I guess is called celebrating CNY. But like, the celebration with all the CNY food and decorations and stuff never really hit me til I came here. It's fun fun fun.

Went to ah Lun's house for CNY eve. It was my first time making tang yuen! It's so cool. I hecka like family-ish-ness feeling stuff. Ate good food. Plus yu sheng, which is like my favorite CNY thing to eat. Even without the fish. Gimme all the other stuff (I don't really even know what the ingredients are) and I'll be a happy camper. I don't get why ppl don't like it. But oh well, more for me!

Chu sai on CNY choh yut. We chu'd this one house, it's sooo stylo. Like it's an old-fashioned kampong style house located in the middle of all these rich ass, modern, two- or three-story houses. It wouldn't look like much in itself, but it was just so cool cuz the whole house was full of the ppl's family and friends. When the lion dance lorry got there, the whole family (like 30-40 ppl) came out to the front porch to watch. Such a family-ish feeling, cuz everyone was chill and happy and hanging out. Guys going around wearing jeans and no shirts, girls dressed up but just chillin. It's hella cool cuz all the other houses around are like modern and big and pretty yea, but this family decided to stick with the old school kampong style and you can tell the family's proud of it.

Mo bik ngo. 012806

I seriously hella dislike it when ppl are possessive over other ppl. You can't own mE! You can't force a person to love you or be your friend. You gotta give ppl SPACE and let them make their own decisions, instead of smothering them cuz you're scared you'll lose them.

Don't you think that when ppl come to their own conclusions, that the connection/bond/friendship will be all the more stronger? Cuz you didn't pressurize them into it, they decided willingly. AND THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT. FREE WILL.

They have that saying, if you love it, let it go. If it comes back, then it's meant to be. If not, ah well. Something liddat. Or maybe it's if not, it's cuz you suck.

People. 012606

Hallo. I seriously don't know where all the time goes nowadays.

I'm missing someone. Forreal like missing family that type of feeling. Cuz if you're in daily contact with someone for around two months and then they're gone, it kinda feels like something's missing. Well, I guess it depends on how much you cherish the daily contact with that person. And depends on how much you dwell on it too.

I'm still learning how to judge people. I thought that a certain guy looked pretty chill, could be friends with him..but turned out kind of wrong. Cuz he didn't wanna be just friends and I seriously am not looking for anything more than friendship at the moment, so..that's just awkward. But eh, something to learn from. Like..the warning signs of when a guy is interested in you. RUN! FAST! Eh?

Faht choy hohn boh bao. 012306

Yanno, like every Sunday after NWP I usually feel that my shoulders and neck are hella stiff, and if they're too stiff I end up getting a headache. So my friend suggested that I should sleep straight on my back with a thinner pillow, instead of sleeping anyhow like I do with hella patterns (a leg out to the side, an arm flung out there, etc.). So far it seems to work. Just that it's not very comfortable to sleep on my back like that. But at least don't feel so stiff anymore.

Life's cool. I'm happy, but sad. Not exactly sad, but kind of frustrated cuz of lack of concentration. But other than that. Happy happy happy. :P Meh.

Dyed my hair "purple". Cuz got a free box of hair dye. But their purple is more like conservative. Eh, it's okie tho. Due to lack of purpleness, not really inclined to post a pic. :P

CNY mood. :)

Splattered. 011506

Whasup. Time still flying by. Project still nowhere. But eh.

Really hella need to improve my sparring. Looking forward to CNY, going to lion dance again. Weather's improving; at least there's sun in the daytime for ppl to dry out their laundry before the rain comes. Yanno when it rains all day, laundry never seem to get dry. Currently raining as I write this.

Yanno, I realized that a guy's style is a hella important factor in whether I'm attracted to him. Course it has to be the kind of style I like tho. Cuz there are many different styles.

A guy and a girl can be JUST good friends, no? What is up with ppl.

Ngam. 010306

Happy new year. So December shot by. Spent mostly on FYP, but in the end nothing much came out of all that time. So kinda buggin.

Not living alone is pretty fun. At least in this case. Feel like I have extended family of jahp fahn ppl. :) You know sometimes you have this feeling that everything's in place? It kinda feels like that now. Right time, right place, right people. But I'm sure the feeling won't stay like that forever, so I won't trip if it goes. I'm big on that non-possessive-ness idea now. Makes life easier.

Step input of stress for all t>0 causes mind to become unstable and blow up.

Blurbs. 121405

December's shooting by really fast. Damn. Stuff's pretty cool now tho. Trying to keep positive about my project, tho it hasn't really progressed much. May be getting a roommate for a while. I'm hella used to living alone, so gotta adjust to living with another person. See how that goes. ..And we keep rolling rolling rolling rolling.

Not necessarily? 120805

K, a situation. Say a guy and a girl talk like (almost) every night on the phone for a couple hours. One could say that the guy likes the girl, or the girl likes the guy, or they both like each other, cuz why else would they bother to talk so much? But could it be just that perhaps they just intrigue each other? Must the motivation behind it all be romantically-driven? Can't a person just interest you, and in turn you want to find out more about that person? Cuz when you get to know people, you learn a lot about them, but you also end up learning a lot about yourself. So it's all a quest for knowledge, self-understanding, awareness. Tho in some situations, I admit ppl are just kidding themselves.

I splurged on a new purse. New camera. Picture of new purse taken with new camera. Purse, a whopping $17. I hardly ever buy stuff in Singapore. But the purse was speaking to me. :P Camera, bargained down plus free LCD screen protector thrown in. If no free LCD screen protector, then no deal. Forreal, that little rectangular piece of clear plastic is worth about as much as my new purse.

Pa chow. 120205

So hanging out with some ppl made me realize even though I am not as pa chow (shy) as I used to be when I was small, I am still pa chow. But not with everybody. Some ppl just make me more pa chow than others, but I haven't quite figured out why yet.

My TV up and broke on me. I was watching a Cantonese show on VCD and all of a sudden it just shut off. And it won't turn on again.

Starting to read stuff on my final year project again..still very lost. I guess I really have to concentrate on it this December. Maybe no part-time job for now.

Haiz. Mind not focused. Catch ya later.

Floating. 112605

Couple more days then finished with exams. But then have to start doing my final year project again, which I haven't touched in hella long. But one thing at a time, don't wanna think about the FYP or I'll get very sad now. Haha.

Kind of brain-fizzled now. Dunno exactly what that means, but kind of like I think if I close my eyes and try to rest, I'll hear buzzing or something in my ears. That kind of feeling. Combination of kopi, teh, and not enough sleep.

You know yeen fun? It's like Cantonese for...some kind of connection. Like say you're shopping for shoes or something, and the area you're shopping at has a hella lotta shops selling shoes. What makes you go into one particular shop and buy from them? Cuz you sorta got a connection with that shop, like you're meant to buy shoes from that shop. That's called yeen fun. I think it's a hecka comfortable idea. Applies to ppl as well. :]

okie, study break over.

Money. 112205

Hm. So I'm most likely gonna get some kind of job during December holiday. Got a plan. A plan! Must save up to go on an adventure with Yurika. Hehehe. Now what kind of job should I get. The possibilities.

Interesting man. 112005

So I noticed this time I'm not hella pondering about the future. Usually during exam time, when there are no more classes and I'm left to my own doings I go through that what am I doing in life kinda phase. But surprisingly, this time no such thoughts have occurred. A couple weeks before there was a spark of these kind of thoughts, but not now. I guess I know why though so it's cool.

There was a time when the thought of having to hold my own in a conversation lasting 1-3 hours was nerve-racking. But now it's more or less okie. Maybe I've matured. Maybe it's more self-confidence. Maybe I could come up with crap to talk about with anyone now if I tried. Or maybe not. Maybe I've just been having conversations with really talkative ppl.

M ming. 111705

Yanno, I finally realized something. Kie, so when I hang out with a group of ppl who are speaking Mandarin or Cantonese, it's like I always have nothing to offer to the conversation. And sometimes ppl comment about it, like "talk la." and look at me like I'm wierd (not exactly, but they got this questioning expression on their faces). So my realization is that it's not that I have nothing to say, it's just I'm concentrating so damn hard on just trying to understand the conversation that I don't even think of coming up with any responses. Cuz if the conversation is in English, then there's no problem. Talk talk talk like whatever if I want. So. Eh.

Thought bubbles. 111405

My laptop is injured. :( Must go through multiple Failure fixed disk errors before being able to start up. And cannot do too much or else it'll overheat and shut off automatically. Either the fan is messed up too, or the hard drive is affecting the fan somehow. I always seem to mess up my laptops. Waiting for my dad to come to the rescue with his computer-fixing skills.

One day gonna go cham goon Snow City. My friend is supposed to show me how to build a snowman, with his super-snowman-building skills from Norway. Then we're gonna massacre it after we're done. Mwahaha. ^_^ Snowball war too, perhaps?

Tngio hweeee said something that I thought was funny: If no fish, prawn also can. Referring to leng jai's. :P Sorry if you don't catch the meaning. I don't care to elaborate. Anyway, his company sent him to Shanghai again to show his overseas-project-work skills yet again.

I miss Yurika and her always-makes-me-laugh, hella-understanding, and best-friend skills.

I've noticed (from reading back my old journals) that throughout my life I've been quite passive. Like, always waiting for stuff to happen to me, rather than making stuff happen. Though I can always hope that something cool will happen today, I think I'd get a lot more outta life if I change the passive-ness. Cuz I think a lot of situations arose that could've turned out hella cool, but I jus never capitalized on them. (Not capitalize in the sense of money, jus can't think of the right word.) So I'll try to stop being so paiseh. Try. Passive skills. ^_^

Oki, so enough with the skills theme. Starting to grab in the dark already. (I can't think of the correct words for that saying, but ya get what I mean right.) Tonight maybe gonna go blow water with the prawn. Probably no one will understand that. HAHAHA.

111205

On a lighter note...Tom Yum Goong is a hella cool movie.

torn. 111205

Argh. It's so hard letting go of you. i don't even know if you read this or not. i jus cant say it to you in person right now. i know that if i give in and get back with you, i'll be temporarily happy but i think i'll still fall back to where we were before. i'll take you for granted, i'll be moody around you, i'll retreat into my shell. and you'll take it all in, you'll bear the burden, you'll be my sandbag. cuz you are so good like that. but i dont want it to be that way. i don't want to hurt you like that cuz you're too good. i gotta get away and change my attitude, change my thinking before i'll allow myself to try again with you.

but as days go by, i know your feelings change little by little. and it hurts so much to think that maybe one day when i'm ready, you'll heck care me by then. cuz i do envision a scenario of us again. but then again i also envision other scenarios, so i can't string you along selfishly. i gotta let you go, let you lose your feelings for me, let you live your own life, while i live mine as well.

but it's so hard. i miss us.

Sum toong. 111005

So one of the jahp fahn leng jai's went to work at another place all the way on the other side of Singapore. So sad. But he's cool, so hopefully will see him again. At least the other one is still here. If they'd both left, I'd be soooooo hella sad. Forreal.

Maybe I'm being hella choon but yea. So what.

Seems like I've been staring at Chapter 8 of my Coding Theory book for AGES. My mind has fogged up again. Plus I got the munchies. But trying to ren. Which is not that hard to do, since I have nothing to eat in my house.

But still I walk
to the fridge in hope
of finding something,
see there's nothing,
and return dejectedly to my coding book.

110805

Heya. So my dad came and went already. Nice to hang out with him. :] I guess I should be good and concentrate on prep'ing for exams. First one on 22nd, last one on 28th. [[ Dude, I think some little girls are having a screaming contest downstairs. Who can scream with the highest pitch. WTF. ]]

Hm. So not really inspired to write. So catch ya later.

Jumbled feelings. 110305

Tug on my heartstrings. No one owns anyone. One way or the other, sacrifice is essential. Whether or not to. Mah fahn. The moodiness surfaces again. Get away or I'll hurt you. Take my advice.

Irony. 110105

Trick-or-treating in Singapore would be HELLA efficient cuz basically like everyone lives in HDB flats, so the time it takes to go from one residence to another is hella quick, meaning more candy gainage. And there are sooo many HDB flats to go to once you're done with your own. Imagine all the candy. You could run down the hallway holding your pillowcase open and people could just throw you candy from their doorsteps.

That is, if Halloween was actually celebrated here. Ha. Ha. (more like sob sob.)

Not so brain-fogged anymore now, but that's been replaced by the munchies?? Seriously feel like snacking and eating stuff a lot now. No good. Anyway, other than that stuff's good. Life's good. At peace. :]

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