*********************************THE VOICE OF HERITAGE****************************************************
    From The Independent Republic of Aquavleva                    June 28, 2000

  CESSPOOL CAMPAIGN  SCANDAL: GEORGE W. BUSH VICTIMIZES CHILD 

         You would never know it happened. The media are hush-hush about it.  But it did.  On June 14th,
   George W. Bush was visiting an inner city school in Newark, New Jersey, to show how "compassionate"
   he is. He was giving a speech to a classroom full of students about the evils of drugs.  What they didn't know
   is that he, at the urging of his campaign advisors,  had just given up cocaine the previous day.  However,
   Mr. Bush, as he said the word "Cocaine", became overcome with ravenous cravings and began to shake
   uncontrollably.  He needed a fix but there was no white powder in sight. He went to the teacher of the classroom,
   an Afro-American woman, and said "I need some crack right now, since that's all I can get."  Insulted, she
  said "I don't know anything about that, and Mr. Bush, YOU are living in a fantasy world if you think we do
  that in this school."  Desperate,  he turned on the students, saying to one young girl, " now I KNOW your
   mother sells crack, can I get some?  if you do, I'll make you a woman tonight!! and you'll have a light-skinned
  baby!!".  Horrified, Bush's campaign handlers rushed to remove "dubya" from the scene and limit the damage.
  However,  Bush finally saw what he needed and could not be stopped.  
        LIttle Mary Gaines in the back row was having an athsma attack and was using her inhaler.  Bush clawed
   manaically to the back row, saliva dripping from his mouth,  and ripped the inhaler away from the child, and
   began slurping with all his might, inhaling the chemical fumes like Monica on a presidential semen-binge. 
   The child writhed on the floor, suffocating, while "dubya" fellated his way back to the perpetual high he now needs
   to live.  Don' t expect to ever hear this on NBC. Little Mary Gaines is recovering in the hospital.   

  
   HELL EDUCATION: THE ONLY ONE THAT REALLY MATTERS

        The liberal elite have created "sex education", "drug education",  and a million other special programs to 
     promote their agenda in our schools.  Well, we've got one in our schools that promotes the agenda of our
     Heavenly Father, and really, its  the only one a kid  needs: Hell Education.  Hell is real, and it is the place
     that those who reject God's word will spend eternity.  It is a place of eternal agony and torment.  We teach this
     to kids in no uncertain terms.
         Our normal procedure is to tell kids about the everlasting fire, and then to demonstrate, the teacher will
     take a hamster, strap it down on a gurney, douse it in gasoline, and set it aflame.  The children will watch it
     writhe and squeal in agony and imagine themselves writhing and squealing in agony.  Then they are taught 
     about eternity and asked to ponder the torture of hell for all eternity.  
         However, as various recent events, including the "Titfeel  Disco" have confirmed, the message isn't quite
      getting through. So a new technique will be used: direct flame contact.  Each Aquavelvan child will have his
      left arm strapped to his desk while the instructor administers the damnation sensation from a small kerosene
      torch.  He will be asked to imagine that, all over his body, for all eternity.  In addition, the rotting decaying corpse
      of the hamster will be kept in the classroom for at least one month, so that the smell will remind the students
      of the consequences of sin.  Home-schooling Hell Education kits for pre-Militia youth can be picked up at
'     the Meese Center Free of charge. 
      
   POLICE BEAT:

     Man Wanted For Usury 

         Joshua Goldsilver was charged on May 12, 2000 for charging Christ-Killingly high  interest rates on 
    Gun-Loans and Medical/Legal/Financial services. He was detained in our maximum security trailer, but escaped
     sometime between 12:00 Noon and 3 PM on June 26th. He has a swarthy complexion, a large hook-shaped nose,
     big rubber lips and an obnoxious, whiny New York accent. 

      Boy Arrested for Self-Abuse.

           Herman Shott, was arrested after his parents reported suspecting him engaged in ungodly disrespect for 
       his body.  He will be detained for spiritual counselling and Christ-centered sulfur-amonia aversion therapy.