THE INDEPENDENT REPUBLIC OF AQUAVELVA

The Independent Republic of Aquavelva is a proud Republic of Christian people who uphold the traditional values of faith, family and filth-fighting. Once this nation, America, was blessed by God with prosperity, peace, and most importantly of all, Liberty. However, we've seen some changes in the past few decades that have deeply disturbed us, exemplified by the massacres in Littleton, Colorado, or, just as importantly the gusher of demonic rot that bludgeons its way across the wires into our homes in the form of "entertainment." The sad little scrawlings of this "Sleazy Hudson" are a perfect example of what we mean.

In 1996, the town of Aquavelva, Arkansas voted unanimously to secede from the United Covens of AmeriQQQa, and to establish a free and independent citizenry, free from the noxious gasses farted by the maggot-infested, hemmoriodal ass of the AmeriQQQan Qultural Elite. In Aquavelva, there are NO TAXES. People pull their own weight. There are no rude, surly government employees who drive cadillacs with gold-plated bumpers and have babies out of wedlock here.

Your "tax" is your mandatory service in the Aquavelva Citizen's Militia.