************THE VOICE OF HERITAGE *******************************
February 9, 1999
AQUAVELVA AUTHORITIES ISSUE CLINTON EXTRADITION ORDER
The Aquavelva Ministry of Spiritual Cleansing has convened its meeting
with Harold "BootScoot" Chillum, Commander in Chief of the Aquavelva
Citizen's Militia. It was agreed last friday after careful
investigations of materials and prayers for Divine intercession that
Aquavelva does indeed have the jurisdiction to extradite William
Jefferson Clinton to stand trial before the Aquavelva Citizen's
Judiciary. He will be charged for an event that took place on
June 13th, 1983, when he visited the town of Aquavelva, then part
of the United States, and urinated on the lawn of Aquavelva citizen
Jane Smothers. Mrs. Smother's Geraniums were severely damaged by
Mr. Clinton's urine. Furthermore, as much as we in Aquavelva have
tried to shelter our children from the sulfurous piss-splattering
golden shower that is AmeriQQQan news and media, our children have
gotten word anyway, and the moral wreckage is seen daily in our
home schooling sessions, where parents report children breaking out
into sudden hysterics, screaming "the Countercultural Liberal Elite
are feeling my wee wee!" Children often have to be taken to faith
healing centers, where we beg the lord to restore them. Clinton's
behavior amounts to spiritual genocide of a generation.
Carefully chosen members of the Aquavelva citizen's militia
will be sent out to Washington on a highly classified mission to
capture Mister Clinton and bring him back to face Justice. He will
be detained in our maximum security trailer. He will be served a
thin slice of velveeta and a cup of grape FlavorAid a day. He
will be tried in an open field next to Clarence Peller's barn.
We all anxiously await the outcome.
AQUAVELVA CELEBRATES BLACK HISTORY MONTH WITH THADDEUS ASKEW
Thaddeus Askew is the son of sharecroppers. He grew up so poor
that he often had to eat his clothes for dinner and go to school
naked the next day, until his mother could kill enough rats to
make a new Jacket or pants with the fur and skin. Yet through all
of this he never complained once, so unlike today's "African
American" Leaders who blame the "white power stucture" for every
hemorroidal itch they get. When Mr. Askew experiences a setback,
goes back to his self-owned-and-managed fields and quietly sings
Negro spirituals, so unlike the hysterical, orgiastic screeching
and hollering that goes on in so many black "churches."
Mr. Askew says " I am grateful to be a citizen of the Holy
Republic of Aquavelva, praise God, This nation shall be redeemed
by God, when the U-nited states is set ablaze by the vengeful
Lord. All the hummaseckshoowils an lesbians are gonna BURN, BURN,
BURN, PRAISE GOD!!!"
On the situation today he says: "Black folk got ta stop havin'
so many damn babies!! They got ta get up off their ass and start actin
right!! However, young people today keep boppin' thier bootix to
that boop-boop-a-doop, boop-boop-a-doop. That's the devils way a
gettin' in 'em!!!"
If only the Cultural Elites could be so wise.
AQUAVELVA POLICE BEAT **************
Woman Arrested For Slutty Behavior-Jenifer Bendix, of North Leviticusville
was arrested Tuesday night after appearing in public in patently slutty
clothing. She as wearing yellow shorts and a T-shirt that said "HOT
NUMBER". She is being detained and receiving spiritual counseling.
The following public message is meant to deter young girls from
any future thoughts of lewd, immodest fashion choices:
JENNIFER BENDIX IS A WHORE! JENNIFER BENDIX IS A WHORE!
JENNIFER BENDIX IS A WHORE! JENNIFER BENDIX IS A WHORE!
John Denver Videotape Confiscated -Larry Cuggins of UnbornChild Terrace
was relieved of a countercultural, socialist, unwholesome item discovered
at his home by a neighbor during a prayer meeting. If you know anyone
who may have similar items please call the Aquavelva Righteous Path
Hotline at 1-JESUS-BIG. They will only thank you later.