SCENE 2
Oh shit! That's all I need. I thought you weren't coming. (To Driver) You said he wasn't coming. (Angrily to nobody in particular) The whole weekend's ruined before it started. You wouldn't believe what a day I've had. And now just as it looks like everything's going to be okay you tell me I've got to share the same air as him! It's not fair!
Delighted to see you too. (To Driver) D'you remember why sis hates me so much? It can't be anything I said `cos I never manage to get a word in edgewise once she's started. She's ...
You really wind me up, you know? You're so bloody cheerful all the time, it makes me sick. (To Driver) Why'd you put up with this idiot hanger-on? (Rounds on Fool) And don't call me sis!!
See what I mean? (Motions to music) Street fighting gal ...
We're late, aren't we? I knew we would be. Would you believe I've been standing around for half an hour while she's debated what shade of lipstick to wear? I told her - we're going to a rock festival in a dusty arena where it'll probably rain and we'll be wallowing in mud by the time anything decent starts happening and nobody is going to notice things like lipstick when they're sheltering under layers of plastic - and she just giggles at me and says ... (Pauses for breath)
Hi. I hope I didn't hold you up for too long, but I wanted to look my best for Eric. I thought I'd go for the gypsy look, but I'm not sure about the hair. I spent an hour crimping it but it's still not right. (To Fool, who is standing open-mouthed) What do you think?
So this is the famous brother, eh? You described him pretty well, but you forgot to mention how tall he is. (Sidles up to Driver, making herself shorter) You're not spoken for at the moment, right?
Oh, for heaven's sake! (To Driver) She's only kidding. She tries it on with everyone, but if you're not in a band you've got no chance. (Driver feigns a disappointed look, but is clearly relieved)
(Approaches Fool who squirms a little)
(Increasingly agitated as the laughter of Driver and Girl grows) We played Led Zep and Purple, but without the guitar ... (Laughter grows still more)
Oh, I don't think I can take much more ...
... it was just me and a couple of mates really. But we sounded alright.
You're so full of yourself aren't you? (Groupie backs away and does a little Stevie Nicks dance to the music as it slowly fades.)
So, what kind of music do you like? (Producing cassette after cassette from the plastic bag) I haven't got any Fleetwood Mac, I'm afraid ... (Groupie pauses momentarily and glares at him, then continues twirling despite the absence of music) There's some James Gang. I could put on some James Gang. Do you like James Gang? Or Joe Walsh maybe? Or ... (Trying not to make it too obvious that he's noticed Groupie is no longer paying attention) ... okay, James Gang it is. Which period? (Mainly talking to himself now) I like Tommy Bolin best, but he (Motions to Driver) won't let me play any of his stuff within earshot. Joe Walsh was more funky though. (Inserts cassette and hits play) Yes, Joe Walsh is best. (Woman by the James Gang starts to play. Fool turns up the volume and tries to mirror Groupie's dance. As she backs away he follows her around the stage, oblivious to her distaste)
Is she always like this? How do you stand it? I mean, she's certainly dazzling, but I think the best word to describe her is dizzy. Your typical dizzy blonde. She must drive you crazy.
I told you, don't call me bruv! (Looking at his watch) I wonder where the other two are ... (The lights and the music gradually fade, with Groupie and Fool continuing their gyrations, Driver and Girl in reflective thought and Hippie quietly swaying)
Copyright (c) 1999 by Richard Ian Pentland Gooch
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