Slowhand Act I Scene 3

ACT I
SCENE 3

(Lights up. Woman by the James Gang plays to a conclusion. There is silence for a minute or so, then Lady and Niceguy stroll on. They are clinging to each other, unconcerned at the reaction of the others)

DRIVER, FOOL and GIRL
(In unison - shouted)
You're late!

HIPPIE
(Delayed reaction)
Late ...

GROUPIE
(Distractedly)
Late?

NICEGUY
Are we?
(To Lady)
Are we late? I thought we were early.
(To Driver, who stands with hands on waist, angrily)
Sorry, old chap. I had no idea.
(Proffering his hand)
You must be ...

LADY
(Pulling Niceguy's hand away)
No need for the airs and graces.
(Stepping away from Niceguy's embrace and approaching Driver)
We were otherwise engaged.

DRIVER
Am I allowed to picture that?
(Smiling, and kissing Lady on the cheek)
How are you?

LADY
(Stepping back to Niceguy and pointedly placing his hand back on her waist)
Oh, you know, comme ci comme ça.

FOOL
Ooh la la!
(Fool activates the cassette player; Every Picture Tells A Story by Rod Stewart starts to play)
The new boyfriend's been teaching you a thing or two has he?

GIRL
(Sharply to Fool)
Cretin!
(To Lady)
It's been a while.
(Giving Lady a little hug)
You're obviously thriving.
(Indicating Niceguy)
Treating you right?

LADY
Of course.
(Conspiratorially, but making sure Niceguy and the others will hear)
I know how to pick `em.
(Extricating herself from Niceguy's embrace and linking arms with Girl)
What about you? Any luck?

GIRL
(Gently manœuvring Lady away from the group)
Not even a sniff. I think I'm going off men. Perhaps I should become a nun ...

LADY
(Giggling)
Nonsense.

(Lady and Girl are now standing arm in arm at one side of the stage. Driver and Niceguy stand almost as close together on the opposite side. Each pair is isolated in an individual spot light. Fool, Groupie and Hippie are in darkness. The following exchanges may be overlapping or alternating as shown. For clarity, the text is presented here in tabular form with borders)

GIRL (Expectantly, to Lady) So?	DRIVER (Conversationally, to Niceguy) So.
LADY What?	NICEGUY Mm?
Oh, you mean ...	Oh, well ...
What's he like?	You mean, how is it?
He's ...	She's wonderful.
He's okay, I guess.	We're having such fun.
He's terribly clever.	She's exhausting.
I'm learning so much.	But you know that, don't you?
But he's too serious sometimes.	Of course, she's too frivolous sometimes.
He doesn't know how to have fun.	Not serious at all.
It can be hard work ...	It can be hard work ...
I love him, though.	She loves me, though.
He's so brainy.	She's so alive.
GIRL Yes, but is there passion?	DRIVER (Thoughtfully) Otherwise ...
LADY (Laughing) He's always tired!	NICEGUY No complaints.
I think I must exhaust him.	We're good together.
GIRL Oh, you poor soul.	(Nodding his head slowly) No complaints.
LADY (Shaking her head) Shouldn't complain.	Couldn't be better.
Could be worse.	DRIVER Been together long?
GIRL How'd you meet?	NICEGUY Couple of weeks now.
LADY It was in a coffee bar in town.	A chance encounter.
He engineered the whole thing.	I spilt her coffee.
Pretended to bump into me.	Wasn't looking where I was going.
Hiding behind a book.	Nose deep inside a book as usual.
It was so obvious.	Offered to pay for a fresh cup.
The old pick-up line.	I think she was flattered by my chivalry.
I was stunned by his nerve.	She accepted.
I called his bluff.	And we started talking.
And he started talking.	We didn't stop until the place closed.
I couldn't get him to stop.	(Snaps his fingers) We clicked straight away.
It amazed me that someone could talk for so long about the merits of different coffee blends!	She's such a great listener.
He's so full of useless information.	So eager to learn.
It all went in one ear, out the other.	Attentive.
When the place closed, we just sort of left together.	DRIVER (Amused) So, you've been educating her, have you?
(Shaking her head) He's been trying to educate me ever since!	NICEGUY I think she appreciates it.
(With a sigh, glancing over at Niceguy) I wish he wouldn't.	(A little uncertainly, glancing over at Lady) Yes, we're good

(There is a pause as Every Picture Tells A Story draws to a close. The lighting shifts and the whole stage is illuminated once more. The characters mingle. Driver and Lady approach each other. They become isolated in the middle of the stage)

DRIVER
(To Lady)
How are you? Really.

LADY
Oh, okay. But it's such a struggle sometimes.
(Looking straight into Driver's eyes)
I wish we could turn the clock back.

(The cassette is changed and Won't Get Fooled Again by The Who starts to play)

DRIVER
(Placing a hand gently on Lady's shoulder)
Talking silly again.

LADY
I know. But I get lonely. I clutch at straws.
(Indicating Niceguy)
I mean ...

NICEGUY
(Expounding to Fool and Hippie)
... And the reason they call him Slowhand ...

LADY
See?

NICEGUY
... Is a subject that has generated much debate.

DRIVER
(Giving Lady a gentle squeeze)
Could be a lot worse ...

(Driver and Lady turn to listen to the fresh conversation)

FOOL
So, do you know where it comes from? Why Clapton is called Slowhand?

GROUPIE
(Carressing herself suggestively)
I always thought it was because he ...

GIRL
(Distastefully)
Yes, thank you, I think we can all guess what you thought!
(To Niceguy)
Something to do with his guitar style, isn't it?

NICEGUY
That's one theory, yes. He's economical with the finger movements. Makes it look like his hand is barely moving. But I think it's a more general term.

HIPPIE
First used by John Mayall.

NICEGUY
(Turning in surprise to Hippie)
So it is said. You know about this too?

HIPPIE
Well, I haven't done an academic study on it ...
(Winking pointedly at Lady, who smiles conspiratorially)
... but I have heard that Eric earned the sobriquet when he was playing with the Bluesbreakers.

FOOL
Sobri ... Hey, he was in the Bluesbreakers?

GIRL
(To Fool, disdainfully)
Sobriquet. It means nickname.
(To Hippie)
So it was before he was in Cream then?

HIPPIE
Long before. And John Mayall had a reputation for discovering guitarists. Peter Green ...

NICEGUY
... Mick Taylor ...

HIPPIE
... Jack Bruce ...

FOOL
Whoever. So none of them was called Slowhand?

HIPPIE
No, because it was the style of playing that Mayall was referring to. Slowhand is a blues technique which Clapton got down to a fine art. There are books on the subject.

NICEGUY
I didn't know that.
(Reaching into his shirt pocket to retrieve pencil and notepad)
You must let me have some details.

LADY
(To Driver, wearily)
Here we go again ...

(Lady approaches Niceguy and pulls him away. Niceguy makes to object, but subsides. He wordlessly acknowledges his obsessiveness and flamboyantly puts away the pencil and notebook)

FOOL
(To Hippie)
So, how did you get to hear about all this stuff?

HIPPIE
Oh, you know ...
(Waving his hand dismissively)
... I've been around, I've been around.

GROUPIE
(Showing interest in Hippie)
It certainly sounds like it. I bet you've got tons of fascinating stories to tell.

HIPPIE
(Noticing as Groupie's arm snakes around his shoulders, not knowing quite how to react)
Well, I ...

FOOL
(Pointing at Hippie and Groupie)
Hey! Leave it out, you two!

LADY
(Observing over Niceguy's shoulder)
I warned you she was fickle ...

(Fool folds his arms and sulks as the lights dim, denoting end of scene)

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This page last updated June 26 2000