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Candyland Idea by Irene (djl8876@yahoo.com)
Webmistress's Note: This is the 2nd entry I received for my contest. This one will change things a bit, as the character introduced here will pop up in other stories. But hey, I think you'll like it. Also, YES, I know that Candyland isn't a fairy tale. It'll be explained in the story. Now, read on! =)
[The guys are lounging in a house, watching the Grammys. Needless to say, they are bitter.] Nick: Those Backstreet bastards. We spend a year at Motown, make REAL women swoon with our tight-ass songs, and they get all these nominations, and we don't get shit. Justin: I swear, it's gotta be a conspiracy. I mean, 'N SYNC didn't get nominated! And they're so much better! Jeff: Uhh... Justin... 'N Sync haven't had a new album out in God-knows-how-long. Besides, compared to BSB, they suck ass. Drew: Oh, shove it. You're just pissed that Lance has a better complexion than you, and that Joey tried to hit on you. Nick: *sprays Budweiser all over the room as he laughs* JOEY HIT ON YOU?! Jeff: *squirms* He thought I was a chick, OK? Drew: I can see why. Jeff: (sweetly)I wasn't aware you could see anything, what with the brim of that hat, and the fact that you're so short, you could play Little League when you were 20. Nick: Listen, bitch, Drew is MY torture victim!! Jeff: I don't see your name stamped on his ass. Drew: 'Scuse me... you can both KISS my ass. (The three guys start to move menacingly toward each other. Justin runs into the center of them with a box in his hands.) Justin: WILL YOU GUYS JUST CALM DOWN??!?!?!?!?!?!!? (Everyone relaxes.) Ahem. Much better. Now, I found this old game of CandyLand. Let's just all keep cool, and play. Nick: (looks at box) Day-um... dis chica be sexy... where'd you find this thing? Justin: Oh... nowhere. Now, shall we play? Drew: Sure, why not. [He opens the box. They mysteriously vanish in a flash of light, la Red Book.]
[In the forest on the Candyland box...] Nick: Damn you, Justin! Now look at what you've done! Justin: Shit... I didn't think my experiment would work... Drew: What do you MEAN, "experiment"? Justin: Well... I wanted to see if the Red Book could affect anything else, you know, for shits and grins! And... it did. Jeff: *trying to keep calm, even though a large vein is starting to protrude from his forehead* So, you're basically saying, you USED us as GUINEA PIGS?! Justin: Well... yeah. Jeff: I AM GOING TO BLOODY STRANGLE YOU!! Justin: *feigns fear* Oh no, the big bad 5ive impersonator is gonna bitch-slap me! Jeff: *mimicks Justin's tone of voice* Oh no, the Nick Carter wannabe is gonna attack me with flying ballistic Twinkies! (Socks Justin in the eye.) Justin: DAMMIT, not I have to be Howie! (He and Jeff commence to fight.) Nick: As, um, INTERESTING as this is, I believe I have more urgent business to attend to. *looks at picture on box and licks lips* Drew: Hell, I'm gonna tag along. Who knows what trouble you'll get into. Nick: Learning from the master, I see? Drew: Yeah... is that what they call it when you get slapped an average of ten times a concert? Nick: They dig me. They know it. They're just playin' hard-to-get. Drew: *sighs and rolls eyes* Whatever. Now, let's go find this lil girl and send her home to her parents. Nick: *smirks* Or at least let her know who her daddy is. Drew: Uhh... ye-eah... Jeff, Justin, we're gonna go... um... yeah. Jeff: Take THAT, you blonde--oh, OK, see ya then. Justin: GET YOUR HAND OFF OF MY ASS! Jeff: *blushes* Sorry.
[With Nick and Drew, who are walking along the path...] Nick: I think I just saw a flash of blue... Drew: HEY CHICK! WAIT UP!!
(The figure in blue stops and walks back toward them. It's not a little girl as they thought; it's an 18-year old girl.) Nick: *starts to drool* Uhh... you look a lot different from the pic... Girl: Huh? *looks at pic on box* Oh, that. Do you have any idea how OLD that is? I was, like, six at the time. Drew: *flirtatiously* And how old are you NOW? Girl: A very... *ahem* mature... 18... by the way, my name is Irene. Drew: I'm D-- Nick: My name is Nick, and--not meaning to rhyme or anything--I have a big-- Drew: SHUT UP!!! Irene: Yeah, what he said. Nick: C'mon baby, you know you want me. Irene: ...To go away? You're absolutely right. Nick: C'mon, let's just--*reaches for her ass* Irene: GET THE [(censored)] OFF OF ME, YOU JERK! *knees him in the balls* Nick: HOLY [(censored)]!!! Drew: Funny... didn't think he'd feel that one... considering... Nick: *through clenched teeth* Shut... up. (The girl whistles loudly. The Candyland Police come and take Nick away.) Drew: Damn... I love a woman who can take charge. Irene: *grins evilly* Wanna take a walk? Drew: Sure thing.
[On Drew and Irene's walk...] Irene: *goes behind a bush* Hey, come back here... I wanna show you somethin'... Drew: OK... (He goes behind the bush. Irene rips off his shirt and they kiss. A lot of giggling commences. [Inference is good here if you wanna know what they're doing, cause I'm not writing it out. GeoShitties might have my head on a stake.])
(Meanwhile, with Jeff and Justin...) Jeff: Hey, wonder where everyone else went? Justin: *sees Nick walking by with the police, saying "I swear, she came on to me first!"* One down, one to go. Jeff: Hey, let's walk around and see if we find him. Justin: No problem. (A muffled giggle comes from behind a bush.) Jeff: *sarcastically* Hmm... I wonder who THAT could be... Justin: *oblivious* I dunno, who? Jeff: *shakes head and mutters* Hopeless... (They look behind the bush and see Drew and Irene. Drew is wearing only his hat. Justin starts to drool over Irene, and Jeff does the same with Drew.) Drew: *blushing furiously as he reaches for his clothes* Uhm, hi guys. Irene: *blushing too* Yeah, fancy meeting you here. Justin: Whoa... uhm... I think we should turn around... right Jeff? ...Jeff? *snaps fingers in front of Jeff's face, whose eyes have glazed over* Jeff: *comes around* Oh! Yeah... OK... I guess... (Just as Drew and Irene get dressed, Nick returns. He's walking rather oddly... well, more like waddling.) Nick: Damn nightsticks... (He looks at Drew and Irene, who are both flushed.) What did you two do while I was gone? Do it? (He chuckles.) Drew: *grins* Good guess, big bro. Nick: *eyes bug out* No way in hell. She chose your shrimp ass over ME? Justin: Considering we found them in the bushes, Drew sans everything but his hat, and Irene, um, just sans everything, it would appear so. Jeff: That's gotta hurt, eh? Nick: I don't believe it. Irene: *points to the other three* Well, they saw it... I was there... and he may be a shrimp, but not in one place... unlike you... Nick: How could you choose him over a fine-ass specimen like me?!?!?!?! Irene: Simple. When you finally got the hell away, we went to the side of the path. Who do you think ordered the creative use of the nightsticks? Nick: *turns red* Shaddup. You know what, I don't care. You couldn't handle me anyway. Irene: Yeah, no tweezers on me. Jeff: You guys, STOP! We'll be gone soon anyway. Irene: B-b-but... I don't want to leave Drew... Drew: Yeah, and I don't wanna leave Irene either! Justin: Well... sorry... we can give y'all about five minutes alone, then we hafta go, Drew. (The other three leave.) Irene: And the sad part is, I HATE CANDYLAND!! Drew: Re-heally? *a lightbulb pops up over his head* Methinks I have an idea!
[Back with the others...] Nick: *sees Drew and Irene walk up* What's she doing here? Irene: I wanted to see him off. Is that so wrong? Drew: Yeah, a little wave goodbye... like that's gonna hurt anything. Nick: *shrugs* Whatever. (He opens the box. Just before the light engulfs them, Drew grabs Irene's hand and pulls her in with them.)
[Back in the house...] Justin: Ahh... home sweet home. Irene: So this is where you live. (The other three stare at her and Drew, who is blushing.) Nick: *mockingly* "A little wave goodbye", hm? We gotta take her back. Jeff: I think you'll have to use the Book... the box probably won't work again. Nick: *sighs* Fine. (He opens the Book. They appear in front of Cinderella's castle.) Cinderella: NOT YOU AGAIN!! Nick: *quickly* GO. (They open the Book to another place, which turns out to be Snow White's cottage.) Snow White: AUGH! GO AWAY, YOU COCKTAIL SAUSAGE! Jeff: That's it; we are no longer taking Nick with us anywhere. He always manages to piss off the locals. (They try two other places--the Giant's castle in Jack and the Beanstalk, and the castle in Beauty and the Beast. Both times, because of Nick's previous exploits, they have to leave. They decide to return home.)
Justin: Great. Now what are we gonna do with her? Irene: *eyes fill with tears* OK, I get it. You guys don't want me here. Jeff: No no no... it's just... we don't know how we can solve this. Drew: Hey, I have an idea! Nick: Shoot. Drew: How about she tours with us, as my girlfriend, and, um... our make-up artist! Irene: *brightens up* Really? I could? Jeff: Hey, it solves our problems... Justin: You guys got a point. I vote yes. Jeff: Ditto. Drew: Same here. (Everyone looks at Nick expectantly.) Nick: *sighs and throws hands in air exasperatedly* Fine. But if I have to beat her off with a stick, it's not my fault; it's my charisma. Irene: Is that another word for Viagra? Cause if so, get ready for a different kind of beating off, cause I'm not touching you. Jeff: Ouch... this is gonna be interesting. Justin: You said it. I think it's time to buy more popcorn.