.:.Guest Commentary on the Nick and Jessica Situation.:.
By Jess (no, not Simpson)

This was sent to me by my bud Jess.  Gives you some major food for thought, if I may say so myself.  Enjoy!

You might think that at college, classes and teachers get more interesting. Well, if you thought that, you are wrong. Teachers are twice as boring, not to mention that they now have more time to be boring, with hour long classes. This rant DOES have a point. Really. Anyway, being that I don't pay attention in class, it leaves me more time to pontificate on the love thang between Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey (aka Ordurve Pickle).

The results of this pontification? I smell something fishy. I don't buy the Seventeen cover. I look at the "Where You Are" and think "BULLSHIT!" I read about Jessica just gushing about how supportive Nick is of her virginity. I'm rolling on the floor laughing.

Why? Here's why. There is just no way that a 26 year old male with all these groupies hanging around is going to stay chaste. There's just no way. Impossible even!

Here's why I smell something fishy:

#1) Jessica could be lying through her teeth. She and Nick could fuck like rabbits--think about it. She comes from this nice Christian family, and she's this nice little virgin until nick comes around. Lo and behold, Jess discovers sex and turns into this big ol' slut. But Daddy can't know that, so she lies and tells her father that she's a virgin.  If she told her father that she's chaste, she can't exactly go around in the press talking about her and Nick's S&M games. Plus, in terms of her career, there are already two blond singing sluts (aka Britney and Christina), so the record people have to differentiate her somehow.

#2) (my favorite theory) Nick is getting ass on the side. If Jessica really is the chaste virgin super woman, then there is no way that Nick will voluntarily go for a year without sex. He has to be getting some from those twelve year old teenyboppers who would kill their mothers just so that they can give nick a free no-panty show. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't at all be surprised if Nick was in fact screwing Lea, Drew's girlfriend. It would be too perfect. "Next on 98*:Behind the Music--Trouble brews for the quintet when Drew makes a shocking discovery of betrayal in the back of the band's tourbus. Too bad for Lea and Nick that Drew just happened to be carrying a .45 Magnum that he used to protect himself against a teenybopper stalker.  And later-Nick Lachey-Death of a Pop Star"

#3)This is probably the theory most likely to be fact. Nick masturbates 20 times a day. His girlfriend will pose naked in a bathtub for People magazine but won't sleep with him. He can't get another girl over the age of 10 to touch him. So he puts aside his sorrows and takes it out on Miss February. Come on, who actually wants ordurve? Bleeeeeech!

I got a #4 from Mads498Deg@aol.com...
Look who says they can't be giving each other pleasure? They can be having oral sex and she can still be considered a virgin.  Ever think of that?  I Think either this one is true, or #3...

...And I got some comments on the situation from Mackensey (mackensey_1999@yahoo.com) too!
I read the Jess/Nick relationship thing,and it was funny as hell...I personally think it's a publicity stunt.  I bet they fuk all the time..lol...I mean,look at how she looks at the camera when shes with Nick.He's all getting into it and she's ALWAYS looking at the camera with a face that screams "Haha all you teenyboppers! I got Nick and you don't! na na na na na na!!!!!!!!!" And she said one of the things she doesn't like about Nick is that 98º fans get to see him more than she does.  Sounds like Jessy poo doesn't like us.I also think she's using him but maybe he would figure that out,then again maybe not...

BWAHAHAHA... many thanks, Jess, you made my day.

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