.:.Top Ten Lists.:.

Top Ten Things About 98* That Just Plain Piss Me Off

10. WHY are all the songs about love?  Unconditional love, love that went bye-bye, love that can't happen... dammit, for once, I would like to hear 98* sing about something other than freaking LOVE!!  I thought the '60's and '70's (the Decades of Love) were long gone, but apparently not.
9. How come there's only four?  I mean, it makes them look more and more like white Boyz II Men wannabes.  Oh, wait, nevermind, I got it now.
8. Nick Lachey.  I don't think I need to say more.
7. Do they not know that wearing overalls without shirts underneath makes them look really retarded? I mean, they have nice muscles, but... *shudders*
6. Why the *censored* does Nick always sing? I mean, you occasionally have a bit from Jeff, maybe a squeak from Drew or Justin, and the rest is Nick.  Did he not learn to share in preschool?
5. They never smile in pictures, and whenever they do, it looks so fake, like one of those "God-this-hurts-my-face-but-I'm-doing-this-so-that-I-can-restrain-the-urge-to-punch-out-the-photographer" smiles.  It takes more muscles to frown than to smile... =)
4. It's SURE as hell no SECRET, Nick is the DEGREE that is least likely to use deodorant.  That's just nasty, yo.
3. They sing perverted songs.  Five words: "Can I Touch You There?"
2. Nick Lachey once again.  Something about him just pisses me off.  Maybe it's the fact that he's a pimp wannabe.
AND #1 IS...
1. That damned degree sign.  Do you have any idea how big a pain in the ass it is to copy and paste that lil fucker over and over if you don't know how to use the Alt key to make it?

Top Ten Uses For Your 98* And Rising CD

10. Those things make good coasters.
9. Use the ugly ass swirl of orange and yellow on it to hypnotize your dog.
8. Trade it in for a Backstreet Boys one.  (Yes, I know, that was harsh.  Boo hoo.)
7. Get it autographed, sell it to a teenybopper, and use the money to get Nick into the Betty Ford Clinic for his steroid abuse.
6. Put a virus on it and send it to the fuckers at GeoShitties.  Maybe they'll take a hint and make PageBuilder work.
5. Play Frisbee with it so much that you get to be as buff as Drew.
4. LISTEN TO IT!  Some of the tracks are pretty damn good.
3. Bet those edges work mighty fine for scraping gum off of shoes.
2. Break it into slivers and stab Bitchney Queers with it.  Please.
AND #1 IS...
1. Why the hell are you asking me?  If you depend on me to tell you how to USE A CD, then you've got issues.

Top Ten Places to Play/Sing "Where You Are"

10. At a funeral... just make sure there's no glass around, for when Jessica hits those Mariah Carey-esque high notes.
9. A school dance... way to cheer everyone up, let's play the song about the dead guy!  (Hey, the thought of Nick being gone cheers ME up...)
8. Play it?  *snort* Are you mad?  That baby's a coaster!
7. At a 98º concert... you just KNOW that the other guys are bitter about Nick getting to do a solo venture while they're stuck doing background as usual.
6. Right before an attempt to assassinate Jessica.  Hey... she said she wants to be in heaven... who are we to disregard her wishes?  0>=}~
5. Right before you fly on an airplane.  Extra points if the person next to you is scared shitless of flying.
4. At a Limp Bizkit/KoRn concert.  This is only if you have a death wish.
3. Whenever you want to drown out Britney Spears.  There has to be SOMETHING out there to overcome those squeals...
2. In a library. Can you imagine the look on everyone's faces?  There they are, trying to read in silence, and next thing you know... "If I could just, BEEEEEEEEEEEE right there where you a-are..."
AND #1 IS...
1. Somewhere where nobody else can hear you.  Hell, I don't want you screwing up mine while it's playing!

Top Ten Things To Do At A 98º Concert
Submitted by DJ4C1L1@cs.com

10)  See how far you can get back stage before you are dragged out by security for not having a pass.
9)  Hold up signs.  But not nice signs...........very, very, mean signs.  Or perverted.  Which ever best suits you.  Mua hahahahahaha
8)  Throw some marbles on stage and watch the domino effect.
7)  See how many times you can hit Nick in the head with "stuffed" animals during his solo.
6)  Hold up nude pictures of Jessica Simpson and repeatedly scream "She fucked my brother, she fucked my brother!" even if you don't have a brother.
5)  Moon them.  Hell, it's corny, but I guantee you you'll sure as hell get
noticed.
4)  Ask all the teenyboppers around you where the hell N Sync is.......this
is an N Sync concert right?
3)  Trick tennys.  Ex:  Tell them you just saw Drew run for the bathrooms.
TADA!  An entire row ahead opens up in front of your eyes!  You have just
successfully moved from row 5 to row 1.
2)  Open up your own damn souvenir shop.  Sell some counterfeit tee's, hats, autographs.........hell I sure could use the money.
AND THE NUMBER ONE THING TO DO AT A 98* CONCERT IS:  (drumroll please)
1)  Watch the concert.  Hey ya never know when Jeff's pants may fall.  What did you think I was going to say?

Back to GUIF
Top Ten Lists?  Bitching material?  Send it my way!