Another Groundhog Day has come and gone, and I still have the same thoughts on it that I have every year. How completely, fucking ridiculous. There is a big clamor in some unpronounceable Pennsylvania over whether or not some large rodent sees his shadow. Why? It's just a dumb animal. So I got to thinking over it. And I realized that believing a groundhog actually seems rational. I mean, hell, I was a Christian for many years, and Groundhog Day has it beat hands down. Can you see Jesus? Can you touch Jesus? Can you smell Jesus? Can you hear Jesus? The groundhog at least has all that going for him. And don't give me that old Christian bullshit line, "Jesus is all around you, in the walls, in the air, and in your heart." No, he isn't. That's a wall. It's sheetrock, lumber, and paint. That's the wind. It's caused by varying air pressure in the atmosphere. That's my heart. That sensation in it isn't Jesus, it's the tar and nicotine from my last cigarette working it's way through my veins. Lay off the communion wine. It's making you all hallucinate.