July 20, 1999
That's it. I'm going to explode. There are so many emotions running through my body right now that it's making me sick. Right now every sucky emotion that anyone could ever possibly name is what I feel. Hate, violence, anger, sadness, sickness, bitterness, betrayal-- it's all there. And I can't get rid of it. Much anymore, I don't know who I am-- or what I'm becoming. I'm sure that I surprise people with my outbursts, but I know that I surprise myself even more. Everyone wants to know what my problem is, and when I try to tell them, they criticize me or try to correct me. Then, when they wonder why I can't talk to someone about my problems. I think it should be very clear and simple that it's because of them. Everyone always says "Well, you can always talk to me, I'm here to listen..." and so on. Then when I do try to talk to them, they either worsen the situation or just plain don't want to hear it. Sometimes (especially right now), it just seems like the whole world is out to get me. Why or what for, I'm not sure of. And to top all that shit off, every time one of my so-called friends has a problem, they expect and rely on me to lend an ear. I expect just the same thing back, but do I ever get it? No. Maybe I'm just being downright selfish, or maybe I'm just asking too much. But until everyone can shape up or ship out, I'm going to give them a dose of their own bitter medicine.
July 7, 1999
Alright. Well, I just wish that damn summer would be over with. Everyone has too much time on their hands, and it's just starting trouble. Trust me, I know. Two of my good friends who don't get along very fucking well at all are fighting over some majorly stupid shit, which I (and some of my other friends) happen to be caught in the middle of. It just depresses the Hell out of me to see my friends fighting, and getting me involved. It's not like it hasn't happened before, but I think that the circumstances were a little more severe than this. We're just being so stupid and childish that we don't even stop to think that someone else is hurt. It's just "me, me, me". That's the problem with today's youth anyhow. They never stop and think about how something that they do will affect anyone else, they think it's just all about theirselves. Then again, that's just the problem with most people. They don't stop and think, not just about anyone else, but about anything at all. This is highly fucking sad. All my friends are thinking of right is of themselves and how they can hurt someone else or get back at someone else. It's really pissing me off. I mean, I just want my friends to stop fighting, and I'm the one being insensitive and selfish? It's just fucking pathetic. Look, here I am, talking about myself again. I guess this means I better shut up for now.
June 22, 1999
I never once knew that life could be so utterly and pathetically boring. I just spent two weeks in driver's education. That was a crock. I was supposed to start driving tomorrow, but my mother (good ol' mom) called the driver's ed teacher and told him that I wasn't mature enough to be out driving around. I just thought "Oh well, I hate driving anyhow". Now, I'm back to my babysitting job. I never thought that babysitting could be so fun! (yes, that was sarcasm) No one ever told me that life could be so damn boring. The only real exciting thing that has happened in a while is that my pretty-fly-for-a-white-kid turned little-anarchist-punk-rocker-kid got his ear pierced. He also gave me some firecrackers the other day. I think now I'll go light the little motherfuckers and see if they work.. (once I feed them to the neighbor's dog!)
May 26, 1999
Someone once said to me, 'Life is too short for you to be bored.' That was a complete lie, because when you're bored, life just seems to take a little longer than usual. There's nothing to do here. I've been babysitting ever since 8:00 o'clock this morning, and then around 10:00 o'clock I started to clean the house (yes, I'm actually that bored). If this is how the summer is going to be, why don't someone just shoot me now? I thought that summer was supposed to be a time of fun in the sun and whatever. Instead, it's the most exaggerated season of the year. Or at least to me it is. Lately my parents and I have been fighting a little more than usual. This could be a problem (duh). I got grounded yesterday for telling everyone to shut up. Heh. Oh well, it's not like I had a social life anyways.
May 24, 1999
Summer vacation is extremely boring. There's nothing to do here around the house except for clean, sleep, watch TV, and eat. I guess I could always go outside and mess around, but that's not much fun either. All of my friends are either out of town, out of the state, or busy. So, I'm stuck here, cleaning house, messing around with Adam on AIM, and cleaning the house. I guess I won't be so bored in a week or so when I start my job at the movie theater. I was going to work as a waitress also, but I don't know if that's a definite thing yet or not, so I suppose I'll just have to wait and see. Of course waitress isn't my choice job. It's like in the song Celebrity Skin by Hole: "Hooker waitress, model actress, oh just go nameless." Anyway, last night professional wrestler Owen Hart died. That really sucks. Even though I wasn't too fond of his gimmick, I still feel pretty bad for what happened. At Over The Edge (WWF pay-per-view) he was being lowered to the ring when he fell face-first into a turnbuckle. He was only 34 years old and he left behind a wife and two children. No one can figure out what happened, like if a cable snapped or what. I'm sure that Owen's death will open some eyes. I know it will definitely open a few people's eyes who said that wrestling was all fake. It's just so tragic that this has happened. I guess that's all I really had to say, so I'd better go now.
May 15, 1999
It occured to me that I needed to update this damn thing. Well, there's nothing much going on here right now (as fucking usual). I'm sitting here off in cyberspace, doing nothing. As of Monday, there will only be three days of school left until I graduate from the 8th grade and moving onward to high school. Ooh, being a freshman is sure to be fun. Can't wait for freshmen initiation. This should be good. I heard that the senior boys are planning to run into the girl's locker room as the freshmens are changing clothes and do an array of things including: squirt shaving cream all over us, throw waterballoons at us, steal our clothing, etc, etc,. In any case, it should be more fun than a barrel full of monkies. There's not much to say right now. I usually have the gift of gab, but today, I just don't see it happening.
April 2, 1999
There's really not much to write here. It's my first day of spring break, and it already sucks. I'm sitting here thinking about the Brood and Raven, and pondering the existance of intellegent life in America. Oh yeah, and I'm babysitting the Crackbaby, himself. He freaks me out. Right now, he's watching Martha Stewart cook pot roast or some shit. And this weekend is going to be living Hell, like they all are. The only reason why I hate the weekends so much is because my whole family is home on Saturday & Sunday. Thank God when I'm at school I don't have to put up with my parents and Crackbaby. If I would've had to, it'd be the death of me. Well, I've started my own wrestling e-fed. It sucks(have you ever noticed how everything sucks through my eyes?). I only have two wrestlers, not counting myself. Well, I think I'm gonna end this entry now, and go look for free graphics or shit like that. Later.
March 10, 1999
Today sucked like no other. First of all, no one at school believed that my birthday is tomorrow, then, none of them said "Happy Birthday". Ergghhhh! I can't wait until their birthdays. We'll just see what I get them. I think a bloody nose would suit most of them well nigh perfect. It just pissed me off soooooo much. I know that it really shouldn't but, I don't give a damn. I mean, tomorrow is my day and no one gives a damn. It's kind of like that movie from the '80s, Sixteen Candles, with Molly Ringwald. Everyone forgets her 16th birthday until the night of her birthday. Then again, whoever said that anyone was going to remember my 14th birthday tomorrow night. Wasn't me. My mam hasn't even bought presents yet. She's waiting until tomorrow. If my birthday is such a hassle to everyone, why the Hell was I even born? I guess I'll shut up now, because I know you're not actually reading this.
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