CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

Shannon pressed the material to her nose, breathing it in deeply, and then pressed it tightly to her chest. It was Taylor’s T-shirt…

Shaking her head sharply, she threw the clothing deep underneath her bed, and punished herself for allowing him to enter her thoughts so intensely. It had been four days since that morning. The couple of days afterwards had been really hard. Her heart and soul ached and yearned for him in every way possible, yet her mind instructed her relentlessly to forget him. She felt like she was being torn apart. She hardly bare to talk to Zac because his occasional similarity to Taylor was agony.

But now, thing’s were getting better. She was banishing him from her thoughts, and it was starting to work. It was getting easier to function without existing for him. She started to feel like she was her own person, no strings attached. Surprised at herself, Shannon realised that she was a strong enough person now to live without needing or depending on her love for him. She could lock it away and just pretend it wasn’t there.

It was time to move on, and Shannon held no doubt that it was going to work. All she had to do was stay away from him, his golden voice, his captivating blue eyes, and his warm embrace…and maybe, eventually, she could learn to breathe again…without him.

_ _ _

More than anything, Taylor felt alone. He felt completely vulnerable and unsure in his life, as if there was no one there to catch him if he fell. His anxiety levels skyrocketed, and his sleep problem persisted. That night, it was so bad that he got out of bed, and went down outside to the garden house, to see if he could sleep there. He lay staring out at the cloudy sky…and it began to rain. Heavy, intense rain which hammered and pounded incessantly on the small tin roof.

Shannon.

Taylor felt divine, forgotten memories slashing up from the base of his heart, his heart screaming in anguish. He remembered lying with her here, and the reassurance her soft words gave his grieving spirit. He remembered her soft touch.

And he remembered their kiss….

Not understanding or caring why, Taylor rolled onto his side, curled into a ball, and cried himself to sleep.

_ _ _

"Hey Tay." Isaac sighed, as he entered the band room and spotted his brother sitting silently behind his keyboards.

"Hey," he replied softly.

There was two weeks to go until production started for the new album. Isaac held confidence in Taylor that he’d pull himself together when it mattered. After all, it was him who got it all back together in the first place. Still, that didn’t mean he wasn’t worried…

"What are you doing?" Isaac asked, picking up his guitar and lying back on a couch. Taylor just shrugged, and sighed sadly. Isaac didn’t ask any more questions, and started fiddling with some wistful tunes absent-mindedly. The music quickly got to Taylor.

"Why Ike?" He suddenly wailed, dropping his head to his knees, "Why do I need her so badly every second of every day?"

Isaac stopped playing.

"Tay, that’s what happens when you love someone, and are deprived of them."

"But I’m not in love with her Ike!"

Isaac stared intensely at Taylor, disrespect for his brother’s naivety showing clearly in his deep brown eyes.

"How can you say that?" He exclaimed. "Don’t you feel it? Isn’t she the first thing on your mind in the morning and the last thing every night? Do thoughts of her torture you and prevent you from functioning? Does the ache and need to be with her take over your entire body until you can’t breath?"

Taylor stared dumbfounded at him for a moment, before blinking and dropping his eyes to the floor.

"Taylor," Isaac sighed softly, "Stop letting your mind proclaim your emotions without checking with your heart first, ok? If it wasn’t for that, then you wouldn’t be in this position right now."

Isaac gazed at him a little while longer before turning his attention back to his instrument.

Taylor simply sat in silence, a little shocked, and very confused. For the first time the frightening thought crossed his apprehensive mind…maybe Isaac was right.

Maybe he really was in love with her.

And if he was, then what had he done?

_ _ _

It was two long weeks since the day they kissed before Taylor had the vanity to pick up the phone and ring Shannon. As he picked up the phone, his heart began to thud too hard for his liking, and he had to pause as a feeling of nausea passed him by. It took him five tries to convince his shaking fingers to dial the number correctly. As the line rang, he felt like his entire chest was going to rip out of his body.

"Hello, this is Shannon."

At the sound of her voice, Taylor found himself choked. He opened his mouth but couldn’t bring himself to speak.

"Hello?" She repeated.

As the possibility of her hanging up became real, he regained control of his vocal chords.

"Uh…hi. It’s Taylor."

Now it was Shannon’s turn to be silent. She was a little surprised as indifference filled her heart at the sound of his voice. No thrill or yearning or excitement…nothing.

"Oh." She replied blankly.

Taylor broke out into a sweat.

"Do you, um…wanna come over? Or…something?"

Shannon dropped her gaze to the floor.

"Um, no, I don’t think so."

He shook his head in confusion. He thought she’d jump at the chance, but instead she was…knocking him back?

"Huh?" He exclaimed.

"I think we’re quite done with that sort of thing, don’t you?"

She stated, and suddenly felt a little sorry for him as she heard how cold her words sounded.

"What? Well, um, what about tomorrow? Or next week?"

She rolled her eyes a little.

"Um, no…"

"…next month?"

"Taylor!" She raised her voice just slightly, unable to stand the growing whine in his voice. "No, I don’t think so…ok?"

"Shannon I wanna see you again." He stated softly, feeling desperation seeping through his veins.

Shannon closed her eyes, wondering why he couldn’t understand.

"No." She breathed. "Listen, Taylor, I don’t hold anything against you, ok. I really don’t. I just think it’ll work out better this way, ok?"

He shook his head.

"No…Shannon, please…"

"Goodbye Taylor, ok?"

"No!"

"Bye."

The dial tone rang harshly in his ears. He buried his head in his arms.

"No."

Taylor struggled for breath, stunned. Deep down he had honestly believed that if he wanted her back he could have her. He found himself in a cold sweat as he realised he was wrong. He got up, and found himself pacing the room nervously, his eyes wide and a little panicked. Zac walked in, and guessed immediately what had happened. Taylor stopped.

"Zac, I want her back." He said softly.

Zac looked up at him, and shook his head.

"That’s not up to you anymore Taylor. That’s up to her."

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