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What is the thinnest book in the world? "What men know about women"
How man men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One - men will screw anything.
What's a man's idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging.
How can you tell if a man is sexually aroused? He is breathing.
What is the difference between a man and government bonds? Bonds mature.
What do men and beer have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
How can you tell if a man is happy? Who cares.
How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken and the ones left are handicapped.
What did God say after he created man? I can do better.
What do you have when you have two balls in your hand? A man's undivided attention.
Why are men like laxatives? They can irritate the shit out of you.
Why do men name their penis? They want to be on a first name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.
What is the difference between a porcupine and a Corvette? The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
How is a man like a snowstorm? You don't know when he is coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
Why do women have so many problems with hemorroids than men? Because God made man the perfect asshole.
Why are men like toilets? The good ones are always taken and the others are full of shit!!
Then the Lord called the monkey and gave him 20 years. "But I don't need 20 years," said the monkey. "Ten years is plenty." Man spoke up and said: "May I have the other 10 years." The monkey agreed.
The Lord called on the lion and also gave him 20 years. The lion, too, only wanted 10. Again, Man spoke up, "May I have the other 10 years?" "Of course," said the lion.
Then came the donkey, who was also given 20 years. Like the others, 10 years was enough for him. Man again asked for the spare 10 years, and he got them.
This explains why Man has 20 years of normal sex life, 10 years of monkeying around, 10 years of lion about it, and 10 years of making a jackass out of himself.
