A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud
hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to
help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer
can't be found. So he drives the farmers Mercedes back to the mud hole and
ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope
to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving his friend
the horse, from sinking.
A few days later, the chicken and the horse were playing in the meadow
again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the
horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I
can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and
said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and
pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks !
There was a 98 year old man who moved into a nursing home. For his age, he
was very fit and in real good shape. The doctor came in to give him his physical
and the man said, " how old do you think I am?"
The doctor checked his heart and lungs and had him do a few exercises and
said, " I would say you were around 78 . The old man smiled and the doctor was
amazed that this man was indeed 98 years old.
The man was walking out of the doctors office and saw a little old lady
sitting there. She was pretty gray and was all bent over. The man said to the lady,
"how old do you think I am? "
She looked him over pretty good then told him to pull down his pants. He did
as he was told. Then she told him to pull his underwear down also. He obeyed.
She reached over and fondled his various parts and counterparts. She kept
this up for quite sometime. She appeared to be in deep concentration. She finally
looked up at the man and said, "I'd say you were 98."
The man was stunned! He said, how could you tell ?"
She said, "I heard you tell the doctor.
Businessman's last laugh
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money fromhome, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt
appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.
The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a bl*wj*b on the way?" "What?! Get the hell out of my cab." The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for
a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.
