Now, readers, when you are at Glastonbury, nasty men may come up to you and offer you DRUGS and BOOZE. Think they're cool, do you? Well let us tell you a cautionary tale about a woman we know.
We'll call her Miki from LUSH. She thought it would be fun to drink champagne and take Ecstasy after their Glastonbury performance in 1990. But then she found herself watching The Cure and became convinced that the woman in front of her had a voodoo doll, and was attacking her by sticking pins in it. She became hysterical, and, assuming she'd been attacked, an ambulance was called which rushed her to a local Rape Crisis Centre.
Later, Miki woke up dressed only in a T-shirt and shorts, so she walked back to the site to look for hershoes, which had gone missing in the confusion. She had meant to look for her tent and shoes. But hang on?! What the fuck?! They were reading out her diary over the PA! Everyone was laughing at her! Nightmare!
She wisely decided to walk back to London. As you do. Alas, she only got as far as the road out of the site when it started raining. So, as she puts it, she "tried to lie down in a ditch and die".
Passing motorists took pity, and gave her a lift back to London. She was dropped off at Hammersmith tube station at the end of the M4, and decided the only reasonable course of action was to find Hammersmith Bridge, and jump off it. No-one liked her anyway.
But before she did that, she thought, just for old times' sake, she should ring her bandmate Emma Anderson and tell her. Imagine her surprise, then, to learn that Emma had been looking for her for the best part of two days. And actually, no-one wanted to kill her, no-one wanted her to kill herself and she was just having a very bad trip. And she never did find those shoes.
And from that moment, Miki vowed never to take drugs or drink alcohol again. Here's hoping she kept that promise.
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