Titanic II - The Sequel. Oh god! Titanic is a great movie, but I'm not quite sure how well Titanic II will do. Rumors state that it might be something like GHOST (you know, Jack ghost, Rose Demi Moore), OR, Rose or Molly (Kathy Bates) goes on to another ship with a negitive fate, OR a story of Jack and Rose before they met. Whoopee.
Anway, thanks for submitting pieces, greatly appreciated! I didn't make this script up either. This is just part deux to the first script, but I don't think it's as funny. Oh well, it's not that bad, have a good laugh anyway.






(The movie opens with the Titanic II getting ready to sail. As the ship's horn blast a mighty departure toot, up runs spunky young Jack Dawson, played by Leonardo Dicaprio. There is seaweed on him.)

JACK: Whew! I just made it!
ROSE: Jack! I thought you had drowned! To death!
JACK: No! Fortunately, the bitter North Atlantic cold was unable to penetrate my protective layer of hair gel! Who are you?
ROSE: I'm Rose! Remember? You gave your life for me in Titanic.
JACK: But Rose was played by Kate Winslet!
ROSE: She did not want to be in another movie with you, because your checkbones are so much higher! So the part went to me, Demi Moore!
JACK: Whatever!

(The scene shifts to the ship's bridge.)

CAPTAIN: Ahoy! First Mate! Commence starboard computer animation! Full speed ahead!
FIRST MATE: Sir! We're getting reports of gigantic icebergs directly ahead! Shouldn't we go slowly?
CAPTAIN: Don't be silly! What are the chances that we're going to hit another ...

(There is a loud crunching sound. Big pieces of ice come through the window, along with several penguins.)
CAPTAIN: Dang!
FIRST MATE: Sir! Computerised sinking animation has commenced!

The scene shifts to the Poop Deck, where the water is rising fast. Jack and Rose are helping women and children into a lifeboat, when an evil villain appears with a gun.)

VILLAIN: Out of the way! I'm taking this lifeboat all for myself!
JACK: It's Kenneth Turan, film critic for the Los Angeles Times!
TURAN: That's right, and I shall stop at nothing to get off this ship, because the dialogue is terrible!
JACK: Is not!
TURAN: Is too!
(They commence fighting.)
THE LATE BURGUESS MEREDITH: You can do it, Rock! Watch out for that jab!
JACK: Hey! You're in the wrong sequel!
MEREDITH: Sorry!
(This distraction enables Turan, by cheating, to gain the upper hand.)
TURAN: I have gained the upper hand. Whatever that expression means! And now, pretty boy, I'm going to ... OHMIGOD! NOOO!
(Turan is torn into raisin-sized pieces by an irate horde of young female DiCaprio fans.)
JACK: Whew! That was close! Uh-oh! The ship is almost done sinking!
ROSE: This is it! I hope I don't end up as an old bag in this movie!

(As the two lovers start to slip beneath the icy-cold computerised waves, they embrace. There is a cracking sound.)

JACK: You broke my ribs!
ROSE: Sorry! I have tremendous upper-body strenght since starring in GI Jane!
JACK: Don't worry! As long as my checkbones are OK!
(The water slowly closes over them. In the distance, we hear two crew members on a lifeboat, looking for survivors.)
FIRST CREW MEMBER: What's that sound coming from over there?
SECOND CREW MEMBER: It sounds like ...Oh my God! It's Celine Dion!
FIRST CREW MEMBER: Let's get out of here!






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