I have like...zero secrets left. Even those few I swore that I could keep to myself, that I SHOULD keep to myself...those so incredibly few unneccessarily disclosed little tidbits...all gone.

It was a good time though...made someone feel decent, loved, appreciated...

Point blank it was time a very particular person understood the effect said person had on me...chiefly put, she just pumped enough hope into my life so as to forestall my self imposed execution.

and she cried when I finally told her. she *cried*. Fucking shit I only hope it was tears of joy. 

What burns me though...is so many years have gone by now...and all this time she has been worried about what I thought of her? Like...wtf? how did I ever have that kind of an effect on someone? That my opinions would have that effect? And she's a friggin women! 

Her fears and her pain...it's like...it's mine.

And she reading this, she's been reading everything, all along...getting the wrong picture because, being just a LITTLE bit impartial, I've slanted my journal a little fucking bit. It seemed a little bit, to me...but man I was so damn wrong... And of course that is something that now, I wish I could have seen, taken back, fixed...

What is done is done though. I just want it cemeted now GIRLFRIEND!! you are a BEAUTIFUL person. you MATTER to me. When you hurt...I hurt with you. Dear me but yes...christa was important to me...but only AFTER. Please remember that...if it wasn't for you, there would have been NO Christa. there would have been NO ME!

Yes! your existance is important, it means something...Maybe I'm not the president. Maybe I'm not a Noble prize winner or a Poet Laureate...but damnit...your life saved mine. 

don't throw that away. 

current mood:  weird
current music: SATC 

"don't throw that away."

I promise, I won't. 

And please don't feel like you should have done anything differently. You needn't have any regrets. 

and again, THANK YOU. 

-you know who

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